


Paper Wings, Glass Hearts

by KiaraMGrey



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Escorts, Alternate Universe - Human, And Falling Apart, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crowley is an escort, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Protective Aziraphale (Good Omens), Protective Crowley (Good Omens), Sex, Slow Burn, Sort Of, They are so soft for each other, They don't know what they are doing, They're switches baby, also sort of, it's complicated - Freeform, more tags will be added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-01-29 22:50:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 66,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21417970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiaraMGrey/pseuds/KiaraMGrey
Summary: Crowley is an escort. He's been doing it for several years now, and he thinks he knows what to expect. But after meeting one particular bookshop owner, he isn't so sure. Aziraphale is so different from his normal clients. He opens up something in Crowley he had thought long since buried, and threatens the carefully constructed walls that have long stood guard around his heart.Aziraphale is... lonely. He is tired of being alone. But he has been hurt too many times in the past to even consider dating again. So, he comes up with the perfect plan. A relationship without real feelings. If only it were ever that easy.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 790
Kudos: 1218
Collections: Bittersweet Good Omens, Good Omens (mostly) Human Alternative Universes, Good Omens Human AUs, Ineffable Humans AU





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I know I'm still working on my others fics, but I'm definitely struggling with writers block over there. I've wanted a fic like this for awhile, and since I can't seem to find what I'm looking for, I'm going to write it myself! I hope you like it, as this will be an ongoing fic!

Crowley stared up at the building from the front seat of his car. He frowned back at his phone, double checking that he had the right address. He was used to meeting clients at their homes or in hotels. But the building across from him was clearly labeled _A.Z. Fell & Co. _Why would he want to meet up at a bookshop? Crowley shifted in his seat and pulled up the man’s brief profile that had been sent to him.

The only things he knew about the man was that his name was Aziraphale, he lived in Soho, and he was paying cash. He had booked for three hours, which was longer than Crowley was used to. He quirked his lips up. Maybe the guy was extra kinky.

Crowley had been in the escort business for six years now. He was a late bloomer, so to speak, when it came to joining the sex industry. He had been twenty-seven, working another dead end minimum wage job, when his friend Bee had told him about it. She had been doing it on the side for a while, mostly as a dominatrix, and was making pretty good money. Crowley had always enjoyed sex, so when she had urged him to try it out, he had. And it wasn’t bad. Most of the men who booked him were either of the married variety or the powerful sort. Lawyers and politicians who wanted someone young, but not too young, to meet them at a swanky hotel. Usually a quick fuck, no more than an hour. And there were never second meetings. Those sorts of men didn’t want to risk of being seen meeting up with someone on a regular basis. Crowley preferred it. Most of the men he met weren’t the nicest people. They were usually rich, they had to be to afford the five hundred an hour price tag Crowley charged. The thought of having to see any of them regularly would definitely have taken some of the appeal out of his job.

Crowley let out a dramatic sigh as he climbed out of his car. He was scheduled to be here at seven, and it was two till. Being late was not an option. These men wanted their moneys worth. He sauntered across the street to the front of the building. He had dressed to impress, he always did. Tonight, he wore a fitted burgundy button up with the top two buttons open, tight black pants, and black snakeskin shoes. This job afforded him these luxuries. He had pulled his shoulder length hair into a loose bun and his sunglasses were securely on his face.

He stopped when he reached the door. The sign was turned to closed. Crowley raised an eyebrow, then pulled the handle. It swung open easily. He stepped in to the sound of a bell jingling overhead and the smell of paper and tea. He blinked in the lights of the dim shop, momentarily considering taking off his sunglasses, but deciding against it. The shop was absolutely filled with books. They sat on ever available surface, and some were even stacked on the floor. Crowley stepped further in and peered around. He assumed the man he was meeting, Aziraphale, was the owner going by the name of the shop. At the moment though, he could see nobody. He strolled over to one of the shelves, running his fingers along the titles. Not the run of the mill used bookshop titles. Nothing modern.

“Excuse me, but we are very much closed.”

Crowley spun around at the sudden voice behind him. An older gentleman stood with his hands clasped in front of him and a surprised look on his face. This must be him. Crowley hadn’t really thought about what an Aziraphale would look like, but he supposed this man really did fit the name. He wore a cream-colored three-piece suit, fixed with a tartan bowtie and everything. His hair was fluffy and white… no, Crowley thought, it was most likely blonde. Now that he had let his eyes adjust, he saw that the man couldn’t be too much older than himself. Perhaps around forty. He was actually quite handsome. Not that any of that mattered. He was here to do a job. Being attracted to the client wasn’t a priority. He gave him his most dashing smile.

“Hello, you must be Aziraphale.”

Aziraphale’s eyes widened as he looked down Crowley’s body and then back to his face. He had begun to turn quite pink. It was adorable.

“I- I am. And you are?” He said it in a way that made it clear he already knew.

“My names Crowley. I believe you requested my services.”

Aziraphale turned to the clock on the wall. “Oh dear, is it seven already? I was simply lost in a new novel I acquired and I’m afraid the time got a bit away from me. Please forgive me for being so rude. I wasn’t sure what you looked like,” his eyes once again swept over Crowley’s form, “and I assumed you were a customer.”

Crowley smirked. It was clear he was nervous. He had likely never done this sort of thing before. He also didn’t seem like the sort of man to drop fifteen hundred pounds on a night with an escort, and yet here he was. “Hey, it’s fine. I’m here for you. How would you like to start?”

Aziraphale blinked. “Start? Oh, well, I’m quite hungry and I assumed you would be as well. I got us a reservation at the Ritz.”

Now it was Crowley’s turn to blink stupidly. He had gone to dinner with men plenty of times, but never to somewhere like the Ritz. Never to a place where the men would be recognized. But Aziraphale didn’t seem to be worried about that. “Ah, of course. If that’s what you want.”

So that was why he had reserved three hours. They would have dinner and then go up to one of the rooms. Well, Crowley was certainly open to that. He would enjoy being wined and dined before being fucked.

Aziraphale beamed. “Of course, my dear!”

Crowley leaned against one of the bookshelves. “So, you want to drive us?”

Aziraphale frowned. “Oh, I don’t actually have a car. I suppose I could call us car.”

“I can drive us.” Crowley wasn’t sure why he said that. He had never, not once, allowed a client to sit in his car. The Bentley was his, not meant for them. He didn’t need to think about being bent over the back seat every time he got in. But Aziraphale somehow didn’t seem the type for public sex in a car. Aziraphale seemed to be surprised as well. “Oh, well, yes. That would be lovely. I’ll just lock up then.”

Crowley followed as Aziraphale walked to the door. He stepped out onto the front steps as Aziraphale fumbled with some keys and locked the shop, then turned to see the Bentley. His eyes widened.

“My, is that your car?”

Crowley felt pride swell in his chest. “Yep, this is her.”

Once they were both seated, Aziraphale ran his hand over the upholstery. “This must have cost you quite a bit.”

Crowley shrugged. “My job pays well.” He silently cursed himself. Clients hated when you talked about them like they were a job while with them. But Aziraphale just nodded.

“Yes, my dear, that is clear.”

They were fairly quiet on the drive over. Crowley was normally confident in what he did, but at the moment he felt a bit off balance. Clients often left a note for how they wanted him to behave in their information. Cocky or timid, shy or boisterous, submissive or dominant. But Aziraphale had said none of that. He had left everything blank, and Crowley didn’t know what to make of that. Perhaps he simply didn’t know what he liked. Crowley would have to test the waters, see what got the best reaction from him. They had hardly spoken to each other, but Crowley was used to that. They weren’t paying him to talk about himself.

He pulled up to the restaurant and they got out. He offered his arm to Aziraphale as they approached the doors, and the blonde practically beamed, a pink flush coloring his cheeks. Alright, so he liked when he was chivalrous. Good to know. He opened the door for him and followed him in. They were taken to a table near the back that was set beside a piano. Crowley pulled out Aziraphale’s chair.

“Oh, thank you my dear. You’re really too kind.”

Crowley smiled gently. “Not at all. It’s my pleasure.”

Crowley looked around. Everyone here was dressed their best, the chatter low and comfortable. He leaned back in his chair, letting himself lounge as he typically would at home. His eyes moved back to Aziraphale and found that he was watching him.

“Like what you see?”

Aziraphale’s eyes widened and his blush deepened. “Oh, well, yes. You are certainly handsome. Though, I admit, not what I was expecting.”

Crowley raised an eyebrow, unsure of how to take that. “And what were you expecting?”

Aziraphale fidgeted. “I’m not really sure. Some twenty-year-old university student.”

Crowley frowned, suddenly uncomfortable. “Oh, well if I’m not what you want I can always-“

“No!” Aziraphale said hurriedly. “No, my dear. Trust me, you are a welcome surprise. Better than I suspected.”

Crowley relaxed, his smile and confidence returning. “Ah, well then. I’m glad that I can please you. I look forward to proving myself most pleasurable.” He reached forward and trailed his fingers along then other mans hand seductively. Aziraphale watching with wide eyes, and then quickly pulled his hand away and began the fix his napkin on his lap.

“There’s no need to prove yourself my dear, I am already having a lovely time. Have you been here before?”

Crowley blinked. “Er, no, I can’t say that I have.”

Aziraphale lit up. “Oh! Well then you are certainly are in for a treat. You simply must try the beef tartar and the Norfolk Crab. Perhaps we can get both and share. Unless you have an objection to those. In which case I recommend the Kentish lamb. It absolutely melts in your mouth. And as for dessert, the crepes are simply to die for!”

Crowley raised an eyebrow. The way the man spoke about the menu was similar to the way some spoke of their children. It was extremely endearing. “Sure angel, anything you want.”

He hadn’t meant to let the endearment slip. Not all men liked that. But Aziraphale simply smiled and wiggled a bit in his chair. Crowley briefly wondered if he could make him writhe in another way. He smiled at the mental image.

When the waiter returned, Aziraphale order an array of entrees for them to try, as well as a very nice Pinot Noir. Once the waiter had gone, Aziraphale looked back at him with a pleased smile.

“So, my dear, tell me about yourself.”

Crowley was glad for his glasses so that Aziraphale couldn’t see his surprise. In the six years he had been doing this, no man ever wanted to know about him. They weren’t paying to hear his life story. Except, with the way Aziraphale was staring at him, now, perhaps that’s exactly what he wanted.

“Um, not much to tell really.”

Aziraphale raised an eyebrow. “I highly doubt that.

Crowley shifted in his chair. “Really, I’d much rather hear about you.”

Aziraphale waived a dismissive hand. “There’s plenty of time for that. But since you’re making it difficult, how old are you?”

“Thirty-three.”

He nodded, sipping your wine. “And have you been doing this escorting business for long?”

Crowley shrugged. “Six years now.”

“Oh, that is quite a long time!” Aziraphale exclaimed. “Do you enjoy it?”

Crowley smiled. “Of course.”

Aziraphale looked at him then in a way that seemed to see straight through to his soul. It was a searching look, and Crowley felt pinned down by it. “Do you really? Always?”

Crowley swallowed. “Well, I suppose not always. Some people are complete arses. Some people take advantage and that can ruin it. But mostly, it’s good. It pays well, and it allows me a lot of freedom I couldn’t have otherwise.”

Crowley wasn’t sure what had gotten into him. One of the first rules of the business was to never bad talk the job. Don’t make the client feel bad about what they are doing. Yet under Aziraphale searching blue stare, he found he wanted to spill the truths of his heart. And Aziraphale didn’t seem to mind at all. He leaned forward; his eyes filled with interest.

“Do you work most nights?”

“Nah, three or four nights a week, depending.” Crowley took a long drink from his wine.

“Mmm, and do you plan on doing this forever?”

Crowley glanced at him, looking for any sign of judgment. But he saw none. Just open, honest curiosity. “No, of course not. This isn’t a business of longevity.”

“And what would you like do when you’re able to retire.”

Crowley sat up, leaning on the table. “I’ve always wanted to open a plant shop. I’m good at growing things. I have an entire room in my flat dedicated to my plants, and I would love to be able to expand that to the market.”

He realized that he had never told anyone that before. But Aziraphale was still looking at him with such openness and kindness, Crowley found he wanted to tell him anything he wanted.

“That sounds wonderful, my dear. I’m afraid I’ve never been very good with plants myself. I tried to keep some marigolds in my shop, but they didn’t do well.”

“Well that was your problem right there! Marigolds won’t grow well in a dim shop. They need plenty of sunlight to flourish. No, if you want something green that will do well in your shop, a nice fern would be your best bet. Don’t need too much watering and they are very hardy.”

“Oh, well I do wish I had had you around at the time to tell me that. It would have saved the life of that poor marigold.”

Crowley laughed. “Honestly angel, google could have told you the same thing. I don’t think you’re so lost to need a live-in botanist.”

Aziraphale tsked. “Google. Really, I don’t see what that can teach me that a good book can’t.”

Crowley laughed in disbelief. “Wait, don’t tell me you don’t own a computer?”

“Of course I do!” Aziraphale looked away. “It may be twenty years old, but it still runs. I use it for my taxes.”

Crowley laughed again. “And I’m guessing you don’t have a smart phone?”

Aziraphale looked offended just by the idea. “Absolutely not. My landline is fine.”

“Jesus, you’re something else angel.”

Aziraphale looked down, and then back up through his eyelashes. “I hope that isn’t a bad thing?”

Crowley smiled and shook his head. “No, it’s a great thing. Refreshing.”

Aziraphale wiggled happily again. Just then the waiter returned with their food. Once it was all set out, Aziraphale didn’t hesitate to dig it. Upon his first bite, he let out what could only be described as a moan of pleasure. It shot right through Crowley like an electric current. Crowley licked his lips and sat up a bit straighter. Aziraphale closed his eyes as he pulled the fork slowly from his mouth, a soft noise emitting from the back of his throat. Was he doing it on purpose? Was he finally coming on to Crowley? Crowley was used to enjoying the sex once it was already happening. What he was not used to was the sudden pang of desire that was filling his body. Clients were usually just that, a job that needed to be done. But at the moment, he was having a hard time not reaching across the table and seeing if he would suck on his fingers like he was currently sucking sauce off his fork. But he wouldn’t make the first move until Aziraphale did. That was always his policy, unless specifically requested otherwise.

“So, er, have you owned your bookshop for long?”

Aziraphale lit up at the mention of his bookshop. “Yes, for nearly twenty years now. I was rather young when I acquired it.”

He went on to tell Crowley about the very large inheritance he had gotten from his parents when they passed, which explained how he could afford all of this. Aziraphale talked about books like they were the answer to the question of the universe, and well, Crowley supposed they were. Seeing such passion was beautiful, and it made the already attractive blonde standout even more.

As Aziraphale talked, Crowley decided it was time to bump up the sex appeal. He ran one long finger through the sauce of a dish and brought it to his lips. He waited until he was sure Aziraphale was watching, and then slowly slid his finger into his mouth. Aziraphale stopped in his passionate speech about Hamlet and watched. Crowley slid his finger all the way into his mouth, and then very slowly pulled it out. He then ran his tongue up the side of it, making sure to get every bit of it off. Aziraphale’s mouth hung open slightly in an adorable “o”. After a moment, he seemed to realize he was still staring and blinked several times, shaking himself.

“Oh, um, sorry. As I was saying, Hamlet really is my favorite of Shakespeare’s works.”

Crowley frowned. He supposed he would have to wait for dinner to be over to begin the process of seduction. But even after the crepes had come and were enjoyed by both men, Aziraphale seemed perfectly content to keep talking. And to Crowley’s surprise, he didn’t find that at all objectionable. He could usually hardly stand to talk to a client for more than ten minutes without zoning out, nodding and agreeing whenever it seemed appropriate. But with Aziraphale, he followed along happily as he talked about everything from history to literature. Crowley was also proud that he could hold his own in the conversation. He couldn’t remember the last time he had so much fun talking to someone. Once the waiter took the crepes, Crowley glanced at his watch, then did a double take. Nine thirty-eight. Aziraphale only had him for another twenty-two minutes, and for the first time in six years, Crowley was wishing he had been booked for more time. Well, maybe he could extend the time just a bit.

“So, will we be going to one of the rooms upstairs?”

Aziraphale frowned, looking very confused. “Whatever for, my dear? You’ve only had one glass of wine, I think we’re perfectly capable of driving back to my shop.”

Crowley raised an eyebrow. It would take nearly twenty minutes to drive back. He supposed he could get him off in the car on the way there. He purposely ignored his earlier thoughts about not sullying the Bentley. He could make an exception for the angelic man across from him.

Aziraphale paid and they made their way back to the Bentley, Crowley offering his arm once again. Once they were driving, Crowley waited for the right moment to reach over and unzip Aziraphale’s pants. He found that moment as they lapsed into silence, Aziraphale looking wistfully out the car window. Crowley slid his hand across the seat and rested it on his thigh, intending on sliding his hand up seductively. But before he could, Aziraphale curled his hand into his, intertwining their fingers. Crowley looked sharply at him and found the most open and fond look he had ever seen in the man’s eyes. It felt like a punch to his gut, and he suddenly found it very difficult to breath. He looked back to the road, his head swimming and his vision blurry. He wasn’t entirely sure how he made in back to the bookshop, but before he knew what was happening, Aziraphale was patting his hand and sighing contently.

“Well, tonight was absolutely wonderful. I had a fantastic time with you. Thank you, my dear.”

Crowley swallowed the lump in his throat. “Ngk. Yeah, yeah. Of course. Same. Fantastic time.”

Aziraphale gave him another beaming smile. “Oh, good! I’m so glad to hear that.” His eyes moved to the clock on the dash. “Oh no! I’ve kept you past my allotted time.”

Crowley dragged his eyes to the clock. Two past ten. He wanted to say that it was fine, he would give him an hour for free. Maybe two. Maybe the whole night. But before he could utter the words, Aziraphale was pulling his hand away. Crowley wanted to squeeze, to hold onto him. But he didn’t. He allowed Aziraphale to pull away and he brought his hand back to his lap.

“I’ll just be going then. I’m sure you want to be getting home.”

Crowley wanted to shake his head. Instead he shrugged. Aziraphale smiled and brought his hand up to cradle Crowley’s cheek. Without thinking of it, he leaned into it and closed his eyes, though Aziraphale couldn’t see through the glasses.

“Truly, thank you my dear. You have been lovely.”

Crowley cleared his throat. “Yeah, of course. Anytime, angel.”

Aziraphale smiled, and with that, opened the car door and stepped out. Crowley watched, his heart pounding in his chest, as Aziraphale made his way up to the shop and unlocked it. He gave one last wave, and then disappeared into the shop. Crowley finally loosened his grip on the steering wheel and let out a breath. Well. This was new.


	2. Chapter 2

Aziraphale hummed to himself, taking a sip of cocoa as he read from one of his newest acquired books. A few customers were perusing around the shop, but he paid them little mind. Because while his eyes were trained on the book in front of him, his mind couldn’t help but wander to a far more interesting topic. One with red hair and tight black pants.

Aziraphale was not sure what he had been expecting when he decided to pay for someone’s company, but Crowley had not been it. He knew that this was likely due to his own preconceived notions. He had thought they would be young, younger than Crowley, perhaps wearing something very modern. He had hoped they wouldn’t seem too pitying. Luckily, Crowley hadn’t been any of those things. Crowley was suave and dashing and kind. He laughed openly and wasn’t afraid to tease him. And he had been wickedly smart, a sly remark always on his lips. Aziraphale had never met anyone like him before.

The bell over the door jingled and Aziraphale glanced up. He smiled when he saw the flowing blue dress and long dark hair of Anathema. She smirked as she walked over to where he sat, thunking her bag onto the floor beside him.

“Hello, dear. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Anathema rolled her eyes and leaned on the counter. “Don’t play coy, you know why I’m here. How did last night go?”

Aziraphale adjusted himself in his seat, pressing his lips together. “It went very well. I had a wonderful night.”

Anathema’s smile grew and she wiggled her eyebrows. “Oh yeah? That good? What all did you get up to, if it’s not too forward to ask?”

Aziraphale gave her an unimpressed look. He knew she didn’t care about being too forward. “He arrived here promptly at seven, just as requested. Then he drove us to the restaurant, and we had lovely meal and discussion.”

She leaned forward. “And then? Did you come back here with him, or did you get a room.”

Aziraphale sniffed. “Neither. He drove me back home at ten.”

Anathema’s eyes widened. “Wait. Wait wait wait. Don’t tell me that you hired an escort, at five hundred pounds an hour, and _didn’t _sleep with him?”

He looked back to his book. “That’s exactly what I’m telling you.”

“Aziraphale! If you just wanted to pay for some guys dinner you could have just found a date!”

“Oh no, absolutely not. I’m done with the dating scene. I’m forty years old, and I just can’t handle that sort of thing anymore. I’m tired of the games and the heartbreak and the second guessing. No, this was much better.”

Anathema groaned. “Aziraphale, you’re absolutely ridiculous. For what you paid you could have at least slept with him. Did you not like him?”

“Of course I liked him!” Aziraphale flushed. “Crowley is… very handsome. And smart. And kind. And suave.”

“Well then why not bring him back here and let him ravage you?”

He sighed. “That’s far too forward. You know I like to take things a bit slower. I thought he and I could go out a few more time before taking it that far. Perhaps we could go see a show and walk in the park.”

Anathema let out a breath and dropped her face into her hands. “Aziraphale, you understand that you are literally just describing dating. You want to _pay _someone to date you? You don’t need to do that! You’re a catch!”

He closed his book and set in on the table. “I know this may be difficult for you to understand. But this is just so much easier. I have more than enough money for this to not be an issue. This way, I can have everything just as I like it. We can go at my pace and do things that I want to do. I won’t have anyone telling me how boring I am, or how much weight I should lose just to please them. And besides, I want more in my life than just sex. Companionship is just as important.”

Anathema’s face softened. “Aziraphale, not everyone will be like Gabriel. There is someone out there who will treat you right. Some one who will love you.”

He nodded. “Perhaps. But for now, this is what I want. That is of course, so long as Crowley agrees. I plan on sending him another request later this evening for him to join me on Saturday. He does have every right to refuse.”

She frowned and walked around to sit in a chair beside him. “Why would he refuse? You’re literally paying him to go to nice restaurants and talk to you.”

Aziraphale looked away. He had to admit, he had horrible confidence. This was largely in part due to his horrible last relationship, one that had taken him far too long to break out of. He had been told countless times by Gabriel how terrible his company was. He had thought that he and Crowley had had a lovely time, but if Crowley had secretly been miserable, listening to him prattle on about books and history, he was sure he would refuse to see him again. He felt a pressure on his hand and looked down to see Anathema holding him.

“Aziraphale, if doing this will make you happy and bring your confidence back up, I’m all for it.”

He smiled at her warmly. “Thank you my dear. I appreciate the support.”

She nodded. “Just, be careful. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

He looked back down at her hand. No, he wouldn’t get hurt. This would be easy. Both he and Crowley knew what the Arrangement would be. No feelings. Just two people, having a good time together in a mutually beneficial relationship.

* * *

Crowley lounged back in his chair. The man across from him had been talking without pause for the past fifteen minutes, and it was clear he needed to no input from him. He had been talking about something to due with tax brokerage. Crowley wasn’t sure, he had nearly tuned him out. Instead, Crowley’s mind kept wandering back to blue eyes and soft white curls.

It had been two night since his meeting with Aziraphale. Since then, Crowley had gone back and forth between confusion and happiness. Aziraphale was the kindest man Crowley had ever met. At least, in the three hours he had known him that was what it had seemed. But why hadn’t he wanted to sleep with him? Was he not attracted to him? Crowley’s pride fought against that, but it was a possibility. Perhaps he had only been being polite when he had agreed to go to dinner once he had seen him. From what he had gathered about the man, this was very likely something he would do. Yet, he remembered the way Aziraphale had watched him as he had licked his fingers. There had been clear want in his eyes. No, perhaps he had simply been nervous. Crowley let out a huff of air.

It didn’t really matter. He would likely never see him again anyways. He had contemplated, for one moment of insanity, going back to the shop to see him while off the clock. But no, he couldn’t do that. Clients didn’t want their rent boys showing up at their place of employment unannounced. It was unprofessional. Besides, what would he say?

_Hey there, I know you booked me as an escort for a night, but I was wondering if you might want to actually go out with me for real?_

No, he couldn’t do that. Clients paid him so that he would be whatever they wanted him to be. They didn’t want him for him. But then again… Aziraphale had never told him to be someone else. He had enjoyed Crowley simply being himself. He internally groaned at his metal acrobats.

Just then, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He would normally never take his phone out while with a client, but the man across from him surely wouldn’t notice. He was droning on about some house he had in France. Crowley slid his phone out and glanced at the screen. He had received another request. And as his eyes moved to the name of the client, he nearly fell out of his chair. Aziraphale. Aziraphale had requested his company this coming Saturday.

So, he hadn’t been imagining it. They had had a good time. He normally never accepted second meetings, but this was different. He had just been thinking about trying to see him again, and now he had a request for another three hours this Saturday. Perhaps the other night had simply been a test run to see if you wanted to sleep with Crowley, and now he had decided. Crowley’s stomach did a little flip that he wasn’t used to. He realized, with a bit of apprehension, that he was excited about seeing him again. He quickly hit accept. He smiled stupidly at his phone and bit his lip.

“So, shall we get on then?”

Crowley blinked and looked up at the other man. “What?”

The man rolled his eyes. “I didn’t pay you just to sit there. Come on then, show me what I’m paying for.”

Crowley had to force himself to not scowl. He put his phone away and put on a fake smile. “Of course, sir. Whatever you want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

Saturday came blessedly quick for Crowley. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t been looking forward to seeing Aziraphale again. This had never happened before. He had never been excited about a job. But the strange blonde man had been so kind and gentle. How could Crowley not want to lean into something so foreign to him?

He pulled up to the bookstore at six o’clock sharp. He had put even more effort into his appearance than normal, though he would never admit that. Instead of his normal dinner jacket, he had selected one of his premium leather jackets that was adorned with red gemstones around the collar. His hair was loose tonight, falling flatteringly around the face. He smiled as he strutted up to the door of the shop. The door overhead jingled, and Crowley looked around. Once again, nobody was in sight.

Rather than loiter around the front this time, Crowley set off towards to back of the shop. He was nearly silent as he reached the door to a back room. This room was also filled to the brim with books, though these looked much older and likely more valuable. He leaned in a little further and finally saw who he was looking for.

Aziraphale was seated in a high back chair and was leaning over a desk, his nose in a book. Crowley smiled. He should have suspected.

“Reading anything interesting?”

Aziraphale let out a yelp and jumped up, spinning around to see Crowley grinning at him. Aziraphale placed his hand on his chest.

“My dear, please don’t do that! You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

Crowley held up his hands. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Was just looking for you.”

Aziraphale straightened his jacket. “It’s alright. I’m afraid I let time slip away from me again.” He glanced sheepishly at the clock on the wall.

Crowley raised a single eyebrow. “I get the feeling you do that a lot.”

Aziraphale flushed and looked down, a small frown on his face, and Crowley chastised himself. What was he doing? He was being far too familiar with a client and now he had clearly upset the man. This wasn’t what he was paying for. He straightened up.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. I didn’t mean it in a bad way. We all have our vices, and I would say books are the most innocent of the ones I’ve seen.”

This seemed to placate the blond, as his shoulders relaxed and his face smoothed. “It’s alright dear, I’m not offended.”

Crowley nodded. “Good. So, what were you wanting to do tonight?”

He had been wondering this since he had gotten the request. Would tonight be the night that Aziraphale took him to bed? He wouldn’t mind if that were the case. But he realized this wasn’t the case as Aziraphale pulled his coat off the rack.

“I thought we could go see a show. I got two tickets to The Phantom of the Opera at West End and I’ve heard great things about it.”

Crowley blinked a few times. He had bought tickets to take him to a show? Surely that would take up the entire three-hour period he had booked. He didn’t quite understand, but Aziraphale was looking at him expectantly, so he nodded.

“Yeah, sure angel. Whatever you want.”

Aziraphale blushed at the nickname but smiled. “Right, well we better be going. The show starts at six thirty. We don’t want to be late.”

Crowley gave him a devilish smirk. “Oh, we won’t be.”

Ten minutes later they screeched to a halt outside of Her Majesty’s Theatre. Crowley beamed as he pulled into a great parking spot and looked over at Aziraphale. He hadn’t spoken the entire time they had driven, with one hand braced against the roof and the other over his stomach, and he now looked as though he was going to be ill. Crowley’s face fell.

“Aziraphale, are you alright?”

He gulped and nodded. “Yes, I-I’ll be fine. I’m just not used to such… spirited driving.”

They got out of the car and Crowley leaned on the hood. “Sorry, I’ll try to slow down next time.”

Next time? What was he talking about next time? He was being far too presumptuous. But Aziraphale only shook his head.

“My dear, please stop apologizing. I don’t want you to change anything about yourself. I’ll just need to get used to it.”

Crowley pressed his lips together but didn’t argue. They made their way into the theatre and retrieved their tickets. Crowley offered Aziraphale his arm as they made their way to their seats, and Aziraphale positively beamed. Once they were seated, Crowley glanced around at the other patrons. They were all dressed in fine clothing, fit for a night at the theatre. While Crowley’s outfit wasn’t cheap by any means, he wished he had known they were going to the theatre so he could have adorned one of his expensive suits. At the moment he looked more like he belonged at a rock concert. But Aziraphale didn’t seem to mind.

As the lights dimmed and the show began, Crowley forced himself to pay attention. He was normally into the more comedic plays, and this one seemed to lie more on the side of the dramatic. But as he glanced over at Aziraphale halfway through, he realized that he could enjoy this very much. Aziraphale’s eyes were wide with wonder as he watched the actors on stage, and Crowley wished that it was him up there. He wished that he was the one deserving of such a look of passionate emotion. He forced his eyes away. How pathetic was he being? Being jealous of a _play. _He didn’t do jealousy, he couldn’t with his job. Aziraphale was free to do whatever he wanted with whoever he wanted. He could go up and shag the Phantom for all he cared.

A sudden warmth in his hand made him jump. He looked down and saw that Aziraphale’s fingers were intertwined with his own. He swallowed the lump in his throat and looked up directly into those sharp blue eyes. Aziraphale was looking at him with a bit of concern. He leaned in close to Crowley’s ear.

“My dear, are you alright? You looked a bit stressed.”

Crowley suppressed a shiver at the feel of Aziraphale’s breath on his neck. “Ngk. Yeah, I’m fine. Completely fine.”

Aziraphale pulled away and gave him a quick smile before returning his gaze to the stage, but he kept his hand firmly in Crowley’s. Crowley had a difficult time focusing much on the show after that. Aziraphale’s hand was warm and dry and smooth. He knew he was being absolutely ridiculous. He had done all manner of deviant things with men more times than he could count. So why was he now coming undone at the gentle touch of this middle-aged bookkeeper? But he supposed that was it, wasn’t it? Gentle. Aziraphale was gentle and considerate. He didn’t treat Crowley like an object he had rented for the night, but like a person with feelings to consider. The thought made Crowley’s chest unbearably tight.

Before he knew it, the lights were coming on and Aziraphale gave a content sigh. “Oh, that was lovely, wasn’t it?”

Crowley grinned. “Oh yeah, positively spectacular.”

Aziraphale tilted his head. “Did you really enjoy it? You seemed a bit distracted.”

Crowley frowned. He had hoped Aziraphale wouldn’t notice that. “No, really, I loved it. I had never seen it before. Though I admit, I prefer the funny ones.”

They had stood and were now making their way up the isle to the lobby. Aziraphale nodded.

“I’ll keep that in mind. Perhaps next time we can see A Midsummer Night’s Dream.”

Crowley throat felt quite dry. There Aziraphale went again, insinuating that this would happen again. He had to bite his tongue to ask what was going on. Why was Aziraphale paying for Crowley’s company when he could very easily go out and meet any young gentleman to take to the theatre and fine dining? What was his end game? Perhaps he was into something extremely kinky, and he was buttering him up so that when the time came, he wouldn’t say no.

Well, if that was the case, he had certainly succeeded. Crowley was fairly sure he would let Aziraphale do whatever he wanted to him at this point, whether he was on the clock or not.

They had finally made their way into the lobby when Aziraphale turned to him. “Would you like a drink. They have an exquisite selection of wine here.”

“Trying to liquor me up, are you?” Crowley joked.

Aziraphale’s went wide with shock. “What? Oh, no, certainly not! I apologize, if that’s what you think-“

Crowley placed a hand on his shoulder. “Woah, calm down angel. I was only kidding. I don’t need alcohol to give you want you want, I’ll do it freely.”

He wasn’t sure why those words came out of his mouth. Perhaps it was the way Aziraphale had looked like he was about to spiral into a panic, but those words were dangerously close to the truth and deeper emotion behind them. But they seemed to do the trick. Aziraphale calmed and gave him a shy smile.

“Oh, right, I apologize. As for what I want, this has been lovely.”

They began to walk towards the entrance, but suddenly their path was blocked by an elderly couple. The woman’s hair was a fiery orange, not the natural red of Crowley’s, and the man wore a sour expression while the woman beamed at Aziraphale.

“Oh, Mr. Fell, how lovely it is to see you! I didn’t realize you had tickets to the show.”

Aziraphale put on a cheery smile. “Madame Tracy, what a pleasure! Mr. Shadwell,” he inclined his head to the man. “Yes, I purchased them last minute.”

Madame Tracy’s eyes slid to Crowley. “And who is your friend?”

Crowley began to move away from Aziraphale, to put space between them. Whenever he was out with a client and they were spotted by someone the man knew, they always pushed him away. He was a friend from college, someone from work, their cousins’ brother. But rather than let him slink away, Aziraphale reached out and took Crowley’s hand firmly in his.

“This is my date, Mr. Crowley.”

Madame Tracy’s face lit up. “Oh my, Mr. Fell, I never realized what good taste you have in men.” Her eyes slid appreciatively over Crowley’s tall form.

Crowley would normally smirk at such praise, but his brain had become rather stuck. Aziraphale hadn’t pushed him away. He hadn’t denied knowing him or having any sort of relationship with him. He had called him his date. He felt lightheaded, and suddenly was in desperate need for some air. So, he did something he never did, and pulled on Aziraphale’s hand.

“Come along, angel. We should be going.”

“Oh, of course my dear! Madame Tracy, I will see you at the book club on Tuesday I hope?”

She nodded. “Yes, of course. I look forward to hearing about you weekend.” She gave him a sly wink, and then took her husband by the hand and pulled him away.

Aziraphale and Crowley made their way out onto the pavement and into the cool night air. Crowley breathed it in, hoping for it to cool the burning at the base of his neck. When he looked back at Aziraphale, he was staring at him.

“Well, I’m afraid I left my pocket watch at home. Are we nearly out of time? I had hoped to go for a stroll around St. James’s park, but I know I only have you until nine.”

Crowley glanced down at the time on his phone. 8:56. He looked back up at Aziraphale.

“Nah, we still have plenty of time. Please, lead the way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These boy are really in for it. Comments are greatly appreciated! If you want to keep up with me and my other fics, feel free to follow my on Tumblr at https://www.tumblr.com/blog/bornonthesavage . I mostly post Good Omens related content


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two of their second meeting.

The night air was crisp and cool, and Aziraphale drank it in. It had been awhile since he had gone for a nighttime stroll, mainly because doing it alone felt a bit unsafe. But he wasn’t alone now. He snuck a sideways glance at Crowley. He looked exquisitely beautiful tonight, just as he had the last time. But tonight, he had left his hair down and free, and the way it fell around his face made Aziraphale feel a bit breathless. They currently walked side by side down the path in St. James’s park.

“So, do you have any hobbies?” Aziraphale asked.

The corner of Crowley’s mouth quirked upwards. “I don’t know that I would call them hobbies, but I do collect and care for plants.”

Aziraphale felt his eyebrows shoot up his forehead. “Plants? Really?”

“Yes, really.” Crowley smirked. “Why do you seem so surprised?”

Aziraphale flushed and looked away. “Oh, well, it’s not that I’m surprised. You just seem so… hip.”

Crowley actually threw his head back and laughed heartily to that. Aziraphale held in a gasp as his eyes wandered over the curve of his throat. He imagined leaning in and pressing his lips to that pale skin, perhaps trailing a kiss down towards his chest. He blinked and forced his eyes away.

“Angel, nobody says hip anymore. But if that’s what you want me to be for you, I can.”

Aziraphale frowned. “What are you talking about dear boy? I want you to be exactly as you are.”

Crowley’s eyes caught and held his for several long moments. “You know, that’s not… that’s usually not the case.”

Aziraphale tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” Crowley began, clearly choosing his words, “Usually when I get requests to spend an evening with someone, there are certain demands. A performance they wish me to perform.”

Aziraphale’s eyes widened. “Like what?”

“Well, like, I can be the seducer, or the shy gentleman at the bar, or the submissive pleaser.”

Aziraphale knew his face must be quite red by this point. “Oh, oh I see.” He swallowed hard, and Crowley seemed to notice his discomfort.

“I’m sorry! I shouldn’t talk about the job while I’m with you, I’m sure that’s not want you want to hear about.”

He glanced over at the red head and gave him a gentle smile. “If that’s what you wish to talk about, then of course I do. I want to know more about you, and your job is nothing to be ashamed of.”

Crowley’s face relaxed. “You sure?”

“Of course I’m sure my dear! And for the record, I don’t want you to play a part. Just talk to me how you would one of your friends. That is, if you’re comfortable with that!”

Crowley’s eyes went soft around the edges. “Sure angel, no problem.”

They fell into a companionable silence. They had been walking around the park for at least fifteen minutes, and Aziraphale felt as though he should ask for the time, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He didn’t want to cut the precious time he had with Crowley short. Perhaps that was selfish of him. He supposed he could always pay him more for any overlapping time.

As they walked he felt Crowley’s hand brush against his, and instinctively reached out and intertwined their fingers. Normally, if this was a regular date, he would be too nervous to do that. Too afraid of being rejected or told he wasn’t interesting enough. But he knew Crowley wouldn’t reject him. And maybe that was wrong. He knew this was the whole point of hiring someone to be with him. But what if Crowley thought he was obligated to do whatever he asked? He bit his lip as this thought niggled its way into his mind. He looked over at Crowley and saw that he had a small smile on his face.

“Er, Crowley dear…” he began.

Crowley looked at him, seeming to come out of a thought. “Hm?”

“It’s just that… you know that you can tell me no, right?”

His eyebrows creased. “What?”

“I just mean that, well, if I’m going too fast for you, you can always tell me to stop. Or if I do something that you aren’t comfortable with.”

Crowley’s mouth had fallen open slightly. He stared at him for several long moments before he let out an incredulous laugh. “Angel, I… yeah, of course I know that. Please don’t think you’re ever forcing me to do something I don’t want to do. I’m choosing to be here with you.”

“Well yes, I know! I would just never want you to think that just because I’m paying you, you are in any way obliged to do anything I ask.”

Crowley pulled them to a stop. “Aziraphale, look at me.”

Aziraphale did.

Crowley continued. “I promise that I will never do something that I am uncomfortable with or don’t want to do. If I am doing something with you, it is because I want to. Ok?”

Aziraphale felt the tension leave his shoulders and smiled. “Well, ok. Good. I just wanted to make sure we were clear.”

They began to walk again, heading back around towards where they had come in from. Aziraphale let out a content sigh.

“Tonight has been positively spectacular.”

“You know,” Crowley said slowly, “It doesn’t have to end just yet.”

Aziraphale tilted his head. “What do you mean? Surely my time is almost up.”

Crowley turned his face away and shrugged. “Yeah, but you’re a repeat customer. I could give you some extra time for free.”

Aziraphale felt his heart flutter in his chest. “Oh, my dear, I couldn’t do that to you! I will of course compensate you for your time. But what did you have in mind to do?”

They had reached the Bentley now, and Crowley opened the door for him. Once they were both seated, Crowley raised a single eyebrow.

“Well, I was just thinking of a way I could thank you for such a lovely night.”

Aziraphale was about to ask what he meant when Crowley slid his hand across the seat and rested in on his groin. He felt his face flush red and gasped.

“O-oh. Um, well, that’s… that’s really not necessary.”

Crowley’s hand began to pull on his zipper. “Oh, but I think it is.”

By the time Aziraphale came to his senses, Crowley was working on the button. He wrapped his hand around Crowley’s.

“Crowley, dear, really. This is, well, this is rather embarrassing. But I would quite like to take things slow. Go at my own pace. I’ve never had that option in my other relationships, you see, but it’s what I need. You must think me terribly silly.”

Aziraphale looked away, focusing his eyes out the front window. When he had been with Gabriel, saying no hadn’t been an option. They had had sex on the first date, despite Aziraphale’s attempts to slow them down, because that was what Gabriel had wanted. Gabriel always said he was too old-fashioned and dull, and he supposed he was right. The sudden feeling of fingers on his face made him turn. Crowley’s warm hand rested on his cheek and his expression was so soft and gentle Aziraphale thought he might cry.

“Angel, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to rush you. I promise, I won’t do anything to you until you ask me too.”

Aziraphale leaned into the gentle touch and closed his eyes. Crowley’s skin smelled of soap and smoke. It was a warm and homey smell, and Aziraphale breathed it in. Without thinking, he pressed his lips to his palm. When he opened his eyes, Crowley looked a bit dazed.

“Thank you, Crowley. You don’t know how much that means to me.”

Crowley’s smile was shaky, but there. “Yeah, no problem. Would you like me to take you home now?”

Aziraphale nodded and they began to drive. It wasn’t until they reached the bookshop that Aziraphale looked at the time.

“Oh, Crowley! It’s nearly ten! I’ll be sure to send you the money for your time.”

“Aziraphale, no, that’s alright.”

“I insist! I can’t just take up all of your time!”

“Aziraphale.” He said his name with such firmness that Aziraphale stopped. “I’m serious. I won’t accept it. I wanted to spend this extra time with you.”

Aziraphale swallowed. “Oh. Well… alright. If you’re sure.”

“I am. Now go on, angel.”

Aziraphale opened the car door, but turned back once more. “I’ll see you later, my dear.”

Crowley blinked, and the look on his face seemed almost hopeful. “Yeah, of course. I’ll see you later.”

Aziraphale got out of the car and shut the door behind him before rushing up to the door of his shop. He glanced back once he had the key in and saw that Crowley was still watching him. He gave him one last smile and wave, which Crowley returned, before going into his shop locking the door. He leaned against the solid wood, trying to get his bearings.

Crowley was just so… good. And kind, and gentle, and loving, and handsome. He was perfect. Aziraphale squeezed his eyes shut.

“Stop that, you idiot. You’re paying him to be with you. A man like him would never willing be with you.”

But, then again, he had spent an extra hour with him off the clock. He shook his head forcefully. He had likely just done that so that he would hire him back again. He swallowed down any hope and disappointment that had been building in his chest. No, best to not even think on it. As he had said, no feelings.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delayed chapter, I was sick and didn't want to write while my head was stuffed up. But to make it up I will be updating both of my other Good Omens fics as well today!

He was fucked. Well and truly fucked. He had never intended for anything like this to happen, but well, he had never dreamed of meeting someone like Aziraphale. How was he supposed to feel nothing for such an angelically kind and handsome man? It wasn’t possible. But it was fine. He was fine. He could figure this out.

“Could you stop thinking so loud? You’re distracting me.”

Crowley lifted his head from where he was slung over the armchair and glared at Bee. She and Dagon were playing some shooting game on the PlayStation that he had never heard of.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Is my life crisis distracting you from your little game? How very rude of me!”

Bee didn’t look up from the screen. “I’m glad you’re able to recognize your faults.”

Crowley glared harder, and then let his head fall back with a thump. “Bee, what am I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Crowley.”

“I’m talking about Aziraphale!” he snapped.

Hastur had just walked through the door and frowned at Crowley’s outburst. “What’s an Azrifull?”

Crowley dug his hands into his hair. “He’s a who, not a what?”

“Ah,” Hastur said as he dropped onto the loveseat across from Crowley. “One of your clients giving you some trouble? Need me to rough him up?”

Crowley shook his head. “No, it’s the opposite! One of my clients is perfect.”

Hastur narrowed his eyes. “I don’t get it. What’s the problem?”

“The problem,” Bee said, speaking up for the first time, “Is that Crowley has gone and gotten attached.”

Crowley dropped his legs onto the floor. “It’s not my fault! If you met him, you would feel the same! The man is a literal saint!”

Hastur snored. “What, the sex so good you want to give it to him for free?”

“That’s just the thing! I haven’t even slept with him yet. He’s hired me two different times, and both times we either went to dinner or the theatre! He’s basically paying me to go on nice dates with him.”

Dagon raised an eyebrow. “That sounds like the perfect gig to me.”

“You would think so, and it is, only… I want more. I want to date him for real.”

Dagon’s character killed Bee’s, and she let out a groan. “Crowley, you know better than that. You can’t get attached to clients. None of it’s real. They are paying for the experience of you, not the real you.”

“That’s what I thought initially as well! But he only ever wants me to act like me when I’m with him. He even told me I could tell him no if I didn’t want to do something. He actually likes me for me, or at least I thought he did. But it’s been six days since we last met and he hasn’t booked me again.”

“You are rather expensive,” Dagon reasoned.

Crowley waved his hand. “Nah, I’m fairly sure he’s loaded.”

“Ah, I see,” Hastur said with a smirk. “So, you’re in it for the money? Get yourself a sugar daddy and be out of the business once and for all?”

Crowley shot a glare at him. “No! Of course not. It has nothing to do with the money. I like him for him. I was thinking that if he doesn’t book me within the next few days I might just stop by his shop. Ask him out.”

Now it was Bee’s turn to glare at him. “Do not do that Crowley! That’s a good way to scare him off for good and get yourself a reputation for stalking.”

Crowley’s mouth fell open. “I’m not going to stalk him! I’m allowed to be a fucking human being. I’m allowed to date.”

“Of course you are,” Bee said, rolling her eyes. “But this is a hard situation. You’re not in a movie. You aren’t Julia Roberts and he’s not… what’s that actors name? From Pretty Woman?”

“Richard Gere,” Dagon supplied.

“Yeah, him.”

“Actually,” Hastur said as he tilted his head with a smirk, “You do resemble her. Red hair and everything. He wouldn’t happen to be a handsome, well dressed, wealthy, middle aged man, would he?”

Crowley pressed her lips together, feeling his cheeks flush. “No.”

Hastur threw his head back as his body shook with laughter. “Oh my god, he is! You’re trying to Pretty Woman him!”

Dagon joined in the laughter, and even Bee smirked at him. He leapt up.

“You are all no help! Really, great, thanks for stellar advice.” He stormed towards the door.

“Aw, come on Crowley!” Hastur called after him. “You know we’re only joking.”

Crowley stopped with his hand on the doorknob and glared at them over his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Dagon said, laughter barely contained. “But don’t worry, I’ll say a little prayer for you.”

“Ugh!” Crowley threw open the door and stormed out the sound of their raucous laughter. A second later he threw it back open. “And I will have you know, that’s not even from the right movie! That’s from My Best Friend’s Wedding!”

Even out in the hallway he could hear their laughter. He thunked his head back against the door. He should have known telling Bee and the gang was a bad idea. They didn’t have a romantic bone between the three of them. But he supposed they were right in a way. He couldn’t be the first one to make a move. He had to wait. They were going to do this at Aziraphale’s pace, even if it killed him.

* * *

Aziraphale stared at his phone. He had been doing that an awful lot for the past seven days, he had to admit. He picked up his phone and opened the requests page for Crowley’s site. He chewed his lip and put the phone back down with a huff. He turned back to his book and tried to read, but his eyes refused to move. Instead they darted back up to his phone. No, no, he could do this. He _wanted _to read his book.

_No, what you want to do is invite Crowley to go out again. _

He pressed his lips together. Yes, but it wouldn’t really be going out. It would be him hiring him. And that was exactly how he wanted it!

_Are you sure? Or do you want him to want you? To really want you. You want him to desire you._

He squeezed his eyes shut. That was a lovely thought, but it wasn’t possible. Crowley was with him for the money. That was the whole point. No dating, remember? You’re doing this on your terms.

_Yes, but where’s the passion? Where’s the romance? You know you want to be swept up off your feet!_

He slammed his book down with a bit more force that was necessary, earning him some concerned glances from customers. No! You are too old for all that! The best you can hope for at this point is some comfortable, paid companionship. Because yes, romance and passion were nice. But they came along with pain and heartbreak. This was safe. He was safe. And Crowley was… well, he didn’t know what Crowley was. Certainly not safe. But he had a price, a price Aziraphale could pay that wouldn’t cost his heart.

He vaguely noted the bell over the door chiming but didn’t look up. Customer’s could come to him if they needed anything. He smoothed his hand over the cover of his book when someone clearing their throat made him look up. When he saw who was standing over him, he leapt up.

“Gabriel!”

He smiled his wide, fake smile. “Hello Aziraphale. It’s been too long! What, a year?”

Aziraphale gritted his teeth. “Around that long, yes.”

It had actually been one year, three weeks, and five days since Gabriel had dumped him and thrown him out of his flat. Not that he was counting.

“Well,” Gabriel clapped his large hands together. “It’s been too long!”

Aziraphale gripped his hands behind his back. “Yes, well, typically when people breakup they don’t see each other again. Not on purpose, at least.”

Gabriel’s smile became a little more forced. “I see you’ve grown a bit of a backbone since we last spoke. Good for you. Though, you’ve also gained at least twenty pounds it would seem.”

Aziraphale swallowed hard. Gabriel had always done this. He knew exactly how to get under his skin and cause the most pain.

“What do you want?”

Gabriel looked around the shop. “Am I not allowed to check in?”

“No.”

His smile slipped slightly. “Sandalphon mentioned that he saw you last week. At the theatre. Said you had some young, slutty looking thing on your arm.”

Aziraphale felt his face go red. “That is none of your business!”

Gabriel’s eyes narrowed. “So it’s true? You’re seeing someone?”

Aziraphale swallowed and shook his head. He couldn’t tell Gabriel about Crowley. “No, of course not. That was just a friend.”

He hadn’t been aware that Gabriel had been leaning forward until he straightened up. “Ah, of course. That’s what I assumed.” He laughed. “I told Sandalphon, when he told me what he saw, that there was no way you of all people were dating a young attractive thing. I mean look at you!”

Aziraphale lowed his eyes. “Yes, well, if that’s all you came for, I was just about to lock up for the afternoon.”

Gabriel patted him forcefully on his shoulder. “Of course! I’ll leave you to your little shop. It was great catching up, we should do it again some time.”

Without waiting for a response, he turned and walked out. Aziraphale was left staring after him. Gabriel was right, of course. He was a pudgy, middle aged man. He had no business being with Crowley. But then again, if he had the money, he could make it his business. A sense of boldness came over him and snatched up his phone. He may not have the nerve to yell at Gabriel, but there were other ways he could make himself forget about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I came to the realization while writing this chapter that there are similarities to Pretty Woman. But if anyone wants to write an actual Pretty Woman au fic I would read the heck out of that! Comments are very very appreciated!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley has in intimate date with Aziraphale.

Crowley sped like a demon out of hell through the busy streets of London. He hadn’t been this excited for something since, well, since his last date with Aziraphale. He had gotten the request last night asking if he was busy today. He had indeed had a client scheduled for this evening, but it hadn’t been difficult to cancel. Who cared if he lost one customer? He would rather see Aziraphale. He screeched to a stop outside of the shop and slid into a miraculously open spot.

He leaned back against his seat for a moment, catching his breath as though he had just run here on foot. He glanced in his rearview mirror and smoothed his hand through his hair. Aziraphale had requested that he dress casual and comfortable. Crowley wasn’t sure what he had meant but had decided on a soft grey cotton V-neck with dark jeans and boots. His hair was loose and hung around his shoulders. He knew he looked good, and he was glad. He wanted to look good for Aziraphale. He opened the door to get out, but then remembered the rose that sat on the passenger seat. He was second guessing himself with the flower. Was it going too far? He chewed his lip for a moment, then made up his mind and snatched it up.

He sauntered towards the door, the rose hanging loosely in one hand with the other tucked into his pocket. It was already dark, seeing as it was seven, and the sign was turned to closed. He assumed it would be unlocked for him like normal, but when he pulled on the door it didn’t budge. He frowned. Had Aziraphale forgotten again? He leaned against the door jam and knocked.

A muffled voice shouted from inside. “Just a moment!”

He smiled to himself. Just the sound of Aziraphale’s voice was enough to make his heart soften. A moment later the door was thrown open. Aziraphale was slightly out of breath as he beamed up at him.

“Oh, Crowley, you’re right on time.”

Crowley smirked. “Of course I am angel. I’m always on time for you.”

Aziraphale flushed pink. “Oh, well, I suppose you are.”

Crowley held up the rose then and Aziraphale blinked at it in surprise. “I thought I ought to bring something, but I wasn’t sure what you liked. I grow roses on my balcony, so I figured why not?”

Aziraphale was still staring at the flower like he had never seen anything like it. “You… you brought me a rose that you grew yourself?”

Suddenly feeling a bit uncomfortable, Crowley scratched his neck. “Er, yeah, I did.”

Aziraphale reached up and slowly plucked his from his fingers. As he did, their fingers brushed against each other and Crowley felt a jolt on electricity run through him. Aziraphale pressed the rose to his nose and breathed in.

“My dear, thank you. This is lovely.”

Crowley smiled. “It was no trouble, really.”

Aziraphale returned his smile. “Well, come in then.”

Crowley followed Aziraphale into the dimly lit shop. He watched as Aziraphale walked to the back room and pulled a vase out of one of the small cupboards. Once it was filled with water Aziraphale set the flower onto his desk.

Crowley lounged against a bookshelf as he watched him. Everything Aziraphale did was meticulous and with purpose. Crowley briefly wondered how slow Aziraphale would move as he undressed him. He would probably let his fingers slide along his waistband, tugging only gently before moving his hands up to press against Crowley’s chest beneath his shirt. He wouldn’t pull it off at first. He would just let the fabric ride up, showing only the smallest amount of skin along his waist.

“So,” Crowley cleared his throat. “Where are we heading tonight?”

“Oh,” Aziraphale stopped, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye. “I actually thought we could stay in. I made dinner. It should be done any time now.”

Crowley raised his eyebrows. “Oh, uh, yeah. That, er, that sounds good.”

Aziraphale walked to the base of a set of stairs that Crowley hadn’t noticed before. “Right this way then.”

Crowley followed him up the narrow stairway and felt his pulse increase. This was going to be the first time he was truly alone with Aziraphale. Not in a restaurant or a dark theatre, not even in the Bentley. They were going to be completely hidden from the world.

Aziraphale opened the door at the top and Crowley followed him into a cozy living room. It looked exactly how Crowley had imagined Aziraphale’s home would look. A large plush couch sat in the middle of the room with a matching armchair beside it. The walls were covered in bookshelves, and there wasn’t a space left empty of books on them. A television that looked like it had come straight from the nineties sat on a small table against the wall, and beyond the living room there was a small dining room. Aziraphale walked to the table that was set for two and picked up two glasses of wine that were already poured.

“I hope I wasn’t being too presumptuous that you might want a drink?”

Crowley gave a smile that looked more confident than he felt. “Of course not. I would love one.”

He walked to Aziraphale and took the glass from him. Now that he was closer, he could practically feel a nervous energy running off the other. Crowley tried not to frown as he took a sip of his drink. He wanted to ask if everything was alright but thought better of it. If Aziraphale wanted to tell him about it, he would.

Aziraphale motioned to one of the seats. “Please, sit. I’ll go get the food.”

Crowley did as he was told and slid into the seat opposite of where Aziraphale would sit. The blonde disappeared into the kitchen and returned a few moments later carrying two dishes. He placed one plate in front of Crowley. It was some sort of chicken dish with mushrooms and a fragrant brown sauce. It smelled delicious. Aziraphale sat his own plate down, then took out a small match book to light the candle in the middle of table. Crowley raised his eyebrows. Aziraphale was definitely going for a romantic night. Well, alright. Crowley could be romantic. Aziraphale sat down.

“Well, go ahead. Tell me how it tastes.”

Crowley obliged, cutting a small piece of chicken and stirring it in the mushroom sauce. He looked up and made eye contact as he placed the bite in his mouth. Aziraphale watched intently. Crowley let out a low hum of satisfaction.

“Damn, Aziraphale. This is amazing!”

Aziraphale beamed at him, giving a small wiggle as he dug into his own dish. “I’m glad you think so my dear. I closed up early today so that I would have plenty of time to make it, and so that I wouldn’t forget the time again.”

Crowley watched as Aziraphale took a bite of his own food and basked in the pleasure he got when Aziraphale closed his eyes and hummed. Even though this was only the second time he had eaten with him, he remembered to look forward to that. The desire to be that fork sliding between his lips made Crowley lean forward. He took another bite of his own food.

“So, my dear, how was your day today?”

Crowley shrugged one shoulder. “Didn’t get up to much. Cleaned my flat a bit, had some groceries delivered, watered my plants.”

“Ah yes, your plants. You never told me how you got into such a unique hobby.”

Crowley smirked. “I wouldn’t call it unique exactly. There are plenty of better botanists in London.”

This was, of course, not true. Crowley took pride in having the greenest and most vibrant private collection in all if London. But he certainly didn’t want to come off as a braggart.

“Well,” Aziraphale said as he sipped his wine, “I hardly think being the best is the point. You enjoy it, so it matters.”

Crowley felt his heart flutter in his chest. “That’s a wonderful way of looking at it. Though if I had to guess, I would say that you do have the largest private collection of books I’ve ever seen.”

Aziraphale beamed with pride. “Oh, I don’t know about that. The most comprehensive, perhaps.”

Crowley chuckled. “You don’t need to be humble for me, Aziraphale.”

“Well then neither do you. I saw that rose. It’s the loveliest I’ve ever seen.”

A pink blush colored Crowley’s cheeks. “You think so?”

“Of course! I can tell that you are man of many talents.”

He couldn’t help the devilish smirk that pulled at his lips. “Oh? And which of my other talents have you thought of?”

Now it was Aziraphale’s turn to blush. “Well, you’re an excellent driver. You’d have to be to drive as fast as you do and not crash. You’re exceptionally intelligent. You’re wickedly funny. I’m sure there is much more that I have yet to uncover.”

Crowley stared at him. What could he possibly say to that? Aziraphale didn’t seem to notice his stunned silence as he went back to eating his meal. Crowley had always thought of himself as witty, but nobody had ever told him he was intelligent and funny. When people complimented him, it was always on his looks. He wanted desperately to reach across the table and take Aziraphale’s hand in his. Instead, he went back to eating.

“And how was your day?

“Oh, my day was fine. I sold a few books and acquired a few more, as it often goes. Nothing too important. To be honest, I was just looking forward to tonight all day.”

Crowley smiled. “Yeah, so was I.”

Aziraphale looked up. “Really? Do you often look forward to seeing clients?”

“Nah, only when it’s with you.” Crowley cursed himself silently. He had not meant to say that out loud. That was definitely going too far with a man he had only gone out with twice before.

Aziraphale’s eyes widened as he blushed and looked away. “Oh, you certainly are a charmer. How many clients do you tell that to?”

“None. Just you.”

He didn’t mean to say it with such harsh sincerity, but he knew that was how it came out. Aziraphale was staring at him with a look he didn’t understand. It was how he imagined a man dying of thirst would look at a glass of water. Like he was desperate for it, and yet couldn’t believe it was actually there. Like it was a mirage that would disappear the moment he looked away. Aziraphale opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, then snapped it shut.

He shook his head and took a large gulp of wine. “Well, that’s very kind of you to say.”

Crowley sensed that he wanted to change the subject, and so he obliged. They settled into talking about insignificant niceties. It was still enjoyable, as it was Aziraphale he was talking to and he was sure doing anything with Aziraphale would be enjoyable. When he finished with is meal he sat back.

“I can’t remember the last time someone made me a homecooked meal. Has to have been at least fifteen years."

A frown creased Aziraphale’s eyebrows. “Oh, well that simply won’t do! I love to cook, so it would be my pleasure to do this for you again.”

The words in Crowley’s mind wanted to spring forward, to slip from his lips. He wanted to ask what Aziraphale was doing. Why was he paying so much money just to pamper him when he was seemingly receiving nothing in return? Crowley didn’t understand.

Instead, he said, “Well, I’m not much of a cook, but I could give it a go for you. It may take a few tries though.”

Aziraphale blinked. “Oh, really? You would do that?”

Crowley chuckled. “Of course. I don’t want you to be the only one going through all this trouble. You deserve to be taken care of.”

Aziraphale swallowed heavily and then looked down at his plate. Crowley noticed with horror that tears had settled on his bottom lashes.

“Oh, Aziraphale, I’m sorry. Is it something I said?”

Aziraphale shook his head back and forth quickly, then dabbed at his eyes with his napkin. “No, my dear, you’re fine. It’s just… I don’t have much experience with being taken care of.”

Crowley frowned and leaned back. So, was that it? Was that why Aziraphale was doing all of this? He was so used to being the one to give in a relationship that he had no idea how to take? Did he think that he needed to do all of this in order for Crowley to see him again? The thought was like a jolt to his heart.

“Aziraphale-“

“Music!” Aziraphale cried as he leapt up from his chair. “Music is what we need. I hope you like classical, as it’s all I have. Though perhaps I have some bebop somewhere. Oh, or maybe Vera Lynn. Yes, I believe I have a record from her.”

Crowley listened as Aziraphale rambled nervously and watched as he walked over to a trunk beside an old record player. Aziraphale flipped through the records in the trunk until he found the one he wanted and placed it on the player. A soft melodic voice filled the room, and Aziraphale remained frozen in front of the player. Crowley stood slowly and walked towards him. He didn’t speak until he was right behind Aziraphale.

“Angel.”

Aziraphale jumped at the sound of Crowley so close behind him but didn’t turn.

“Yes?”

“When was the last time you were romanced?”

He heard Aziraphale’s intake of breath. “Oh, um, I’m not sure. It has been quite a while.”

Crowley stepped forward again so that his front was practically pressed against Aziraphale’s back. He could feel Aziraphale shaking. He leaned down so that he could speak directly into his ear, his breath ruffling the soft curls on the side of his head.

“Would you like to dance with me, angel?”

Aziraphale shivered, then turned his head slightly to look at him. He nodded. Crowley slid his hand down Aziraphale’s arm until he reached his hand. He took it in his and pulled him around until he was facing him. He folded his hand neatly into Aziraphale’s and wrapped the other around his waist, pulling him close. Aziraphale was still shaking, but he managed to lift his other hand and rest it on Crowley’s shoulder. Then, after a moment of what looked like him holding his breath, he leaned forward and pressed his face into Crowley’s shoulder. They swayed gently to the song, though Crowley wasn’t really listening to it. He was too caught up the warm press of Aziraphale against him and the smell of his shampoo. Crowley was beginning to see a clearer picture of what Aziraphale wanted. Aziraphale clearly wanted to be in a relationship, but he was too afraid to be in a real one. He had clearly been hurt before, and so he was looking for a relationship where he could control what happened and how he felt. With this realization came an idea. Perhaps a very stupid idea.

“You know, I offer a service that I think you might be interested in.”

Aziraphale leaned back and looked up at him, a wary frown on his face. “Oh? What do you mean?”

“You don’t have to do it if you don’t want,” he assured. “I just think it might fit your needs better.”

Aziraphale tilted his head. “What is it.”

“Well, it’s… I call it the boyfriend experience. It’s much cheaper than single nights and it’s more of an experience.”

Aziraphale was frowning, but he wasn’t rejecting the idea. “What would that entail?”

Honestly, Crowley didn’t know. Two minutes ago, this had not existed. But as far as Crowley could see, this would be the perfect middle ground for what they wanted. “Basically, I would act in every way like your boyfriend. Go on dates, romance you, go back to my place as well as yours. You could text me or call whenever you like. It would be just like dating, but you would have all the control. You could end it whenever you like.”

The last part hurt Crowley to say, but he knew it was necessary. Aziraphale was looking to have control over his life, and Crowley could give that to him.

Aziraphale stared at Crowley’s chest as they continued to sway. “I never saw anything about that on your website.”

Crowley smirked and shrugged. “Yeah, I don’t offer this to just anyone. I have to actually like you.”

Aziraphale looked up in surprise. “And you like me enough to offer this service?”

Crowley nodded. “Of course I do. I think you’re wonderful.”

Aziraphale smiled. “Well, that actually sounds very nice. And we can still go at my pace?”

“Absolutely. Everything will be how you want it.”

Aziraphale chewed on his bottom lip for a moment, and then smiled up at him. “Alright. Yes, I would like that very much.”

Crowley smiled back. “Perfect.”

He could do this. He could be what Aziraphale needed him to be. Aziraphale could have what he wanted, and what he wanted was control over a relationship in his life. And Crowley could have what he wanted. He could have Aziraphale close. He could text Aziraphale when he wanted, and take him out, and possibly kiss him. Possibly, eventually do more. It was win win all around. And best of all, this way, nobody would get hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These poor boys have a lot of issues they need to work out. Unfortunately neither are very good at it yet. Let me know what you think! Comments are very much appreciated!


	7. Chapter 7

Aziraphale hummed under his breath as he walked through the shelves of books. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so… light. Like a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders and he was finally free move about as he pleased. The source of this feeling was painfully obvious.

The memory of Crowley pressed against his back, his breath warm against his ear, his words so tender and gentle, forced a shiver from him.

_“When was the last time you were romanced?”_

There had been no pity in Crowley’s eyes. No hint of taunting. It had been a genuine question. And the reality of the answer had made Aziraphale feel as though his heart were about to split in two. Because really, in every relationship he had ever had, he had been the one to put in the effort. He had done everything he could to make them stay, to make them love him. And every time, he had been left wanting. He had never been good enough.

He didn’t care that Crowley was in it for the money. To get the chance to really feel what it would be like to be wanted, to be cherished, to be… loved. He pressed his lips together. That was going too far. He couldn’t forget what this was, not fully. He wanted to get lost in this fantasy, but he couldn’t let his heart get lost along the way. He didn’t need more pain. But Crowley didn’t want to hurt him. He wanted him to be happy. And that was worth whatever price he had to pay.

He smiled again, picking up the tune he had been humming.

“You look awfully chipper today.”

Aziraphale turned to find Anathema standing at the end of the row of books. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she was watching him with a shrewd smile.

He wiggled slightly. “Yes, well, I have every right to be. Don’t I?”

“Of course you do. I’m just curious to the source of this sudden celestial choir I’m being blessed with.”

Aziraphale huffed and rolled his eyes. “I would hardly call my humming a celestial choir.”

He made his way past Anathema and towards his desk, but she was right on his heels. “So, spill. What’s going on?”

He placed his duster on the desk. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

He sat down, and as he did, his eyes flicked subconsciously to the rose on his desk. Anathema followed his gaze and broke into a wide smile.

“Oooh, who’s that from? Do you have an admirer?”

Aziraphale flushed slightly and focused on his hands. “I may have.”

“Well, go on. What’s his name?”

He worried his bottom lip as he glanced up at her. “I’ve already told you about him. It’s Crowley.”

Anathema blinked as realization dawned on her. “Wait. Your escort?”

Aziraphale nodded. He could see a whirlwind of thoughts racing behind Anathemas eyes.

“So, what. Are you guys together? Or are you still paying him?”

“Well, both, sort of.”

She narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean both?”

He sighed, knowing he would have to tell her about this eventually. “As it turns out, I truly do want more than just casually going out once a week. Crowley gathered this after our date last night and offered me a service that I think is perfect for me.”

Anathema still looked suspicious. “What sort of service?”

“He calls it the ‘boyfriend experience’. Basically, he’ll act in every way like an actual boyfriend. We’ll date each other, but I’ll still have full control. And it’s far cheaper. For the price of what I was paying for one night will actually extend to a whole week.”

Anathema dropped into the chair across from him. “That doesn’t sound right, Zira. Why would he do that?”

Aziraphale felt a rush of annoyance. “Is it so difficult to believe that someone would date me, even if I’m paying them?”

“No, that’s not what I meant!” she said, holding up her hands. “It just seems odd that he would offer to take less money and give you more time. Are you sure this isn’t a scam?”

He rolled his eyes. “What possible scam could that be? You said it yourself, he’ll be taking less money. He said it was because… because he likes me.”

Now it was Anathema’s turn to chew her lower lip. “I suppose. So, what, you’ll be his sugar daddy?”

Aziraphale stared blankly. “His what?”

“You know, his sugar daddy. That’s when someone dates someone but pays for all the things the other needs.”

He tilted his head. “Hmm. Yes, I suppose it will be a bit like that. But please don’t fret dear. What I’m getting in return is worth far more than any money I’m paying.”

Anathemas frown softened. “And what exactly are you getting?”

“Well…” he considered the question for a moment, and then smiled. “Crowley. I get Crowley. And I get to go at my own pace. And I won’t have to worry about being enough. I can just… be. I can be happy. He really is so very beautiful and kind. A little bit wicked. You would like him.”

Anathema hummed. “I think I’ll make my own mind up on that. When can I meet him?”

Aziraphale came out of his blissful thought of his head on Crowley’s chest and blinked at her. “What?”

“I want to meet him. I need to make sure this guy isn’t a creep.”

“Anathema!” He really did not want Crowley to meet Anathema. He could picture it now. Anathema would hound him until he decided it just wasn’t worth the time. He loved Anathema, but when she was on a mission, she could be very intense. “He is not a creep. He’s lovely.”

“I’ll decide that. Once I read his aura I’ll know for sure.”

Aziraphale groaned. “My dear, please don’t! I don’t want you to scare him away.”

Anathema rummaged through her bag and scoffed. “If I’m able to scare him off, he’s really not worth it.”

Aziraphale pursed his lips. “Yes, well, I’m not sure. Perhaps we can figure out a time in the coming weeks. That is if Crowley is agreeable of course.”

“He better be,” Anathema muttered, then finally seemed to find what she was looking for in her bag. She pulled out an opaque looking crystal. “Here, this will protect you from any unwanted negative beings. If Crowley has bad intentions, he won’t like being around it.”

It was a struggle for him to not roll his eyes. Anathema was very much into occult forces and auras, but he had never believed in all that nonsense. But he also knew that if he refused it, she would never leave him alone. So, with delicate fingers he picked up the crystal and placed it on his desk beside the rose.

Anathema smiled, looking somewhat pleased. “I have to go now, but I fully expect you to let me know when I can meet this Crowley. If he isn’t evil, then he has nothing to worry about!”

Anathema was up and walking to the door without waiting for a response. Aziraphale sighed and sat back in his chair. He loved Anathema, but sometimes she didn’t know where to draw that line. Crowley was certainly not evil. He glanced to his phone. Crowley had told him to text him whenever he wanted, and truthfully, he really did want to talk to him now. With a shy smile to himself, he picked up his phone.

Crowley was curled up beneath the blankets in his bed when he heard his phone ping. He groaned and lifted his head, glancing at the clock. Nearly noon. Well, that certainly wasn’t too early. He rolled over with a bit of effort and opened his phone, squinting against the bright light. As soon as he saw who had texted him, a wide smile pulled at his lips.

**11:56 Angel: Hello my dear! I know that we only spoke last night, so I do hope I’m not being too forward in texting you today. I was simply thinking about you and wanted to see how you are doing. Please let me know. ~ Aziraphale **

Crowley snorted. Of course Aziraphale would be overly formal over texts. He tried to not let his heart beat to hard at the thought that Aziraphale had been thinking about him.

_11:58 Crowley: Nah, angel. You’re fine. And I’m great. Just woke up.”_

He got out of bed, wearing nothing but his grey boxers, and made his way to the kitchen. He was in desperate need of coffee to awake his still drowsy senses. As he was brewing a cup, his phone pinged again.

**12:04 Angel: My dear, are you meaning to tell me that you just woke up at noon? That’s ridiculous! ~Aziraphale**

He smirked at his screen.

_12:05 Crowley: Ridiculous for you. What can I say, I’m a night person. Also, you don’t need to sign off at the end of every text. I know it’s you._

Once his coffee was ready, he settled onto the couch and began his morning routine of scrolling through social media. He had received a few requests, but he wasn’t very concerned with them at the moment. He could look at them later.

**12:08 Angel: Ah, yes, I’m sorry. I’m not quite used to this whole texting thing. Do you have any plans for the day?**

_12:08 Crowley: Nah, not much. Might head out the local nursery to check out some new plants. You?_

**12:09 Angel: Well, I will keep the bookshop open until six. But after that, no. I will likely order in though, from that delicious Indian restaurant down the street. Do you enjoy Indian food?**

He laid back on his couch, a small smile pulling at his lips.

_12:10 Crowley: Angel, are you asking me to come have dinner with you?_

He chewed his lip as he waited for a response. He was grateful to finally have Aziraphale’s number so that he could talk to him whenever he wanted.

**12:12 Angel: What? Oh, no, I’m sorry my dear. I know that you just saw me last night, I don’t expect you to give me all of your time. **

Crowley frowned at his phone. Ah, so he had misread the situation. Disappointment bloomed in his chest. Before he could respond, there was a knock at the door.

Crowley slung his legs off the couch and padded barefoot to the front of his flat. He wasn’t expecting anyone. He flung open the door and came face to face with Bee.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

She rolled her eyes and shouldered past him. “Good to see you too. Do you have any coffee?”

He followed he into the kitchen, where the smell of freshly brewed coffee lingered. “Nope, not a drop.”

“Don’t be an ass.”

He leaned against the island as she rummaged through his cupboards until she found the bag of coffee grounds.

“Oh, go ahead. Just make yourself at home.”

She didn’t bother to face him as she began to brew a cup. “You know I always do.”

He waited until she had her cup in hand and took a large gulp. “So, did you come all the way over here just to get a handout? Didn’t think you were quite that stingy.”

She glared at him over the rim of her mug. “Am I not allowed to visit my friend? I was in the area.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Why were you in the area?”

Rather than answer she made her way into his living room and flopped down on his couch, then groaned. “Jesus, who made this couch, the Mayans? It feels like it was made from stone.”

He dropped down beside her, forcing her to lift her legs and then drop them back onto him. “You could always, you know, leave. So, spill. Why were you in the area?”

“I had a client.”

“This early in the morning?”

She glanced at the clock. “It’s after noon.”

He waved his hand. “You know what I mean.”

“Eh, you know how masochist are. They like being inconvenienced. This one wanted to be woken up by me hitting him with my whip, even paid me extra. “

Crowley shook his head. “I gotta admit, it sounds nice to be able to just beat the crap out of people for a living.”

She shot him a look. “Hey, it isn’t all about beating them up. There’s an art to it. It’s a fine line between bdsm and abuse.”

He nodded, recognizing her point. “Well, you must be very good at what you do.”

She smirked. “Damn right. I’m the best dominatrix this side of the channel.”

“Well, you know how to bug the shit out of me, that’s for sure.”

She sat up a bit. “So, what ever happened with the client of yours? That one named after the angel?”

Crowley shifted a bit, uncomfortable with telling Bee about what he had done. He knew she would make fun of him for it, but in truth he needed to tell someone. “Ah, well. I sort of… did something.”

Now it was her turn to narrow her eyes. “Crowley, what did you do? Did you ask him out?”

“Well, sort of, but not really.”

She groaned, her impatience growing. “Would you just spit it out already?”

He let out a sigh. “I sort of told him I offered a boyfriend experience. I told him he could pay what he was paying for a one-time meeting for an entire week.”

Bee stared him in silence for several moment, and it made Crowley fidget. It was unnerving, the way she could stare for long without blinking.

“Crowley, what the hell? You definitely don’t offer that.”

“I know!” he cried, standing up and knocking her feet off him. “But I can tell he was hurt in the past and he’s afraid to date for real, but he really wants to. And I like him and want to spend more time with him. It’s a win for everyone.” He knew he sounded desperate, like he was trying to convince himself.

Bee turned to face him, moving slowly, like how one would when trying to not scare off a nervous animal. “Crowley, listen to me. This is a bad idea. The ‘dating experience’ only works when feelings aren’t involved, and that ship has already sailed for you.”

He shrugged his shoulders. “It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not! Crowley, can you seriously not see what the issue here is? You like him and are going to essentially be dating him. But he’s going to be paying you, thinking none of it’s real. All this is going to do is hurt you.”

He waved her off. “Oh, calm down. No one is going to get hurt. This is just a…” he paused, looking for the right word. “crush. I’ve had plenty of crushes before. They last a few weeks, maybe a month top, and then they go away. That’s what’ll happen here. I’m curious about him, but once I spend more time with him, I’ll get bored and so will he. Come a couple months from now we’ll both go our separate ways.”

Bee was still staring at him, looking unimpressed. “Crowley, this isn’t a good idea. You should cut it off now before it can go too far.”

A surge of panic rose into Crowley’s chest at the thought of cutting ties with Aziraphale now. He refused to look further into that feeling.

“Stop worrying about me Bee.”

She scoffed, standing up and walking to the kitchen, forcing Crowley to follow her as she spoke. “Worried? I’m not worried. I just think you are a complete moron and you don’t think shit through. I don’t need you crying on my couch two months from now when you break your own heart.”

He groaned as he watched her rinse her mug. “Nobody’s heart is getting broken. It’s not like I love him or anything. I’ve never been in love, you know that.”

She sat her now clean mug onto the counter. “There’s a first time for everything. Anyways, if I can’t convince you to not be a fucking idiot then I have to run. I’m supposed to be meeting Dagon in twenty minutes.”

Crowley rolled his eyes. “Well, don’t let me inconvenience you.”

“I won’t.” She made her way to the door and then stopped, glancing back at him. “Really Crowley, think about what I said.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, yeah, I will.”

She gave him one last glare and then was gone. Crowley leaned back against the counter and shook his head. She had no clue what she was talking about. He picked up his phone and saw that he had two missed messages from Aziraphale.

**12:22 Angel: That is, unless you didn’t have any plans and wanted to? I wouldn’t mind the company.**

**12:28 Angel: I’m terribly sorry if I came off as rude. I would be pleased if you would join me for takeout tonight. But only if you want to. There is absolutely no pressure. It is up to you.**

Crowley smiled and let out a sigh as he read the texts. Aziraphale really was a bundle of nervous energy.

_12:36 Crowley: I would love to come over for takeout tonight, angel. Shall I bring a bottle of wine?_

Aziraphale’s text was almost instant.

**12:37 Angel: Oh, that would be lovely! Shall we say around seven?**

_12:37 Crowley: Seven sounds perfect. See you then._

**12:38 Angel: I look forward to it, my dear. **

Crowley smiled down at his phone. It had been a long time since he had been so eager to see someone again after such a short time. A flicker of worry shot through him as he remembered what Bee had said, but it was gone just as quickly. They were just having fun, and there was no harm in that. He would ride out this crush with Aziraphale, and hopefully Aziraphale would grow bored around the same time.

He flopped back onto his couch and switched on the tv, trying to not think about how eager he was for seven to come quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love writing for both Anathema and Bee. They're both just looking out for their boys. So, this has actually been pretty difficult to write, more difficult than my other fics, mainly because of what a strange and off-center relationship this is. I'm basically writing two power imbalances that sort of cancel each other out and leaves both of the boys vulnerable. If only they shared more than one brain cell, they would see what a mess they are making.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley and Aziraphale drink a bit too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. I initially wrote a very different scene at the end of this, but then realized it wasn't the right place for it and so had to rewrite. The other scene that I wrote will probable appear sometime in the next couple chapter though, and I think you all will like it!

“That’s not the point!”

Crowley rolled over on the couch so that his cheek was pressed into the cushion. “Then wos the point?” he slurred.

Aziraphale tried to straighten up in his chair, but found it to be too difficult, so he slumped down further. “The point… the point is…” He had completely forgotten what he was talking about. “Sorry, what was I saying?”

Crowley snorted and dragged his fingers over the worn rug beneath the couch. “I don’t member.”

His voice was muffled from being partially pressed into the couch, and Aziraphale giggled.

“Be careful dear, I don’t want you to suffocate.”

Crowley glared him. “Wot d’you take me for, an infant? I’m not gonna die from lying face down. I’d be dead already if that were the case.”

Aziraphale smirked. “Oh? Do you make it a habit of getting smashed and passing out face down?”

Crowley rolled his eyes and tried to move onto his side. “Would’n call it a habit. Jus happens sometimes.”

Aziraphale smiled fondly. “Well, I must say this is the first time in a long time that I’ve been quite this drunk.”

Crowley narrowed his eyes. “You don’t look that drunk.”

“Yes, well that’s because you are drunk as well.”

He watched as Crowley took a swig straight from the bottle. He tried not to stare at the way his throat bobbed as the alcohol went down or the way his lips pressed so prettily to it. They were on their third bottle and were currently nestled into the back room of the bookshop. Crowley set it back onto the floor.

“S’pose you’re right. Your fault. I only brought the one bottle, you brought out the rest.”

Aziraphale pouted. “You didn’t exactly refuse them.”

Crowley smirked. “Course I didn’t. Don’t think I could refuse you much of anything.”

Aziraphale blinked slowly. “That’s not true. You can refuse whatever you like.”

“I can, doesn’t mean I will.”

Crowley managed to roll onto his back and closed his eyes, his arm dangling over the side of the couch. Aziraphale allowed his eyes to roam over the curve of Crowley’s body, too drunk to really think about the implications of what Crowley said.

“Crowley?”

“Hmm?”

“It’s nearly two in the morning. You’ve been here for seven hours.”

Crowley turned his head so that he could look at him. “Are you tryin to throw me out, but are too polite to say so?”

Aziraphale huffed. “No! Quite the opposite. You are in no condition to drive home.”

“Eh,” Crowley waved his hand. “I can call a cab.”

“My dear, there is no need. Just stay until morning and sober up.”

Crowley tilted his head towards him lazily. “Are you trying to get me into bed, angel?”

Even though he was drunk, Aziraphale felt heat fill his cheeks. “Crowley! No! Absolutely not. I would never take advantage of you. What sort of man do you take me for?”

Crowley snorted. “Relax angel, I was only joking. Sorry. Can’t control my mouth when I drink.”

Aziraphale swallowed thickly and tried not to think of a deeper meaning to those words. Crowley really did have quite a lovely mouth… He shook his head.

“But really, I insist. You can take the couch in my flat.”

“Mm fine here,” he mumbled.

“For now, perhaps, but it gets very drafty down here at night. Here, come along.”

Aziraphale forced his heavy limbs to cooperate and hauled himself out of his chair. He stumbled to the couch, taking Crowley’s limp arm in his hand and hauling him up. Crowley groaned loudly.

“Angel, stop fussing! I’m fine!”

“You’re not,” Aziraphale insisted. “Come on, get up. Go upstairs.”

Crowley grumbled but slid his feet the floor. He stood and swayed, leaning heavily on Aziraphale.

“I can do it myself, M’not a toddler.”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes but let go, and Crowley immediately lurched forward. Aziraphale was able to catch him, but with his own balance compromised, they both stumbled back into a bookshelf. Crowley caught his hand on one of the shelves, his chest pressed to Aziraphale’s as his back dug into the books. Aziraphale sucked in a breath, his face only inches from Crowley’s. At this distance, he could smell the warm scent of his cologne mixed with something more earthy. It was intoxicating. Crowley had lost his glasses a couple hours ago as the alcohol had set in, and the gold of his irises was piercing. Crowley’s eyes searched his face.

“You’ve got a dark spot in your eye, you know that?”

Aziraphale blinked. “Hmm?”

Crowley lifted a finger and pointed to his left eye. “Right there. Like a little island in a great big ocean.”

Aziraphale swallowed. “Oh, well, yes.” He wasn’t sure what to say to that.

Crowley smiled. “S’nice. Unique. Just like the rest of you.”

Aziraphale’s cheeks were growing warm again, so he pressed his hand firmly against Crowley’s chest until he was standing up right.

“Well, thank you. Do you think you can make it up the stairs on your own?”

Crowley answered with a crooked smile. “Mm, yeah, no problem.”

He pushed off the bookcase and stumbled to the stairs. Aziraphale watched as he gripped the bannister on either side of him and began to slowly stomp upwards. Aziraphale followed, holding the bannisters tightly as well in case Crowley fell backwards into him. He didn’t need them both to break their necks.

But Crowley made his way into the flat without much issue. Aziraphale watched as Crowley fumbled his way to couch before falling heavily onto his side.

“My dear, if you could please take off your shoes. I can help, if you need me to.”

“Nah, s’fine.” Crowley kicked his shoes off onto the floor and pulled the blanket that hung over the couch around him.

Aziraphale remained standing near the door until Crowley settled, and then walked over to arrange the blanket more snuggly around him. “There. All snug?”

“Mm. Yeah. Thanks Angel.”

Crowley snuggled deeper into the blanket, already drifting off. Aziraphale remained where he was, watching as Crowley’s breathing began to even out and his face smoothed. He really was exquisitely beautiful. One of the most beautiful people Aziraphale had ever seen. Without thinking of what he was doing, Aziraphale reached out and trailed his fingers lightly over his brow, gently moving a strand of red hair from his face. Crowley hummed softly and titled his face towards the touch. Aziraphale swallowed and straightened up. Before he could do something else ridiculous like that, he turned and walked to his bedroom where he shut the door.

He remained standing with his back to the door for several moments. He felt as though, in his intoxicated state, he was having a moment of clarity. He could feel his own affection growing. He felt it when Crowley gave him one of those devious smiles. Or when he ran a hand through his hair. It was in the way he desperately wanted to reach out and touch him, something he had not felt in a very long time. And this was precisely why he could not do it. He wouldn’t touch him, not in a sexual way, while his feelings were so mixed up. He didn’t want to sleep with someone who felt nothing for him. A voice that sounded an awful lot like Anathema’s spoke up from deep in his mind.

_Then what’s the point? Why do this to yourself? Why lust after someone you can never have in the way you want? If you’ll never take it to the next level, why not break it off now?_

Aziraphale squeezed his eyes shut, the self-loathing he had been trying to fight surging up in his chest like a tidal wave. When he spoke aloud to his empty room, his voice quivered.

“I don’t want to be alone.”

* * *

When Crowley awoke, he was momentarily confused. Instead of feeling the soft silk of his sheets around him, something heavier and warmer encompassed his body. He shifted and lifted his head, but the bright light of the sun coming through the window made him hiss and sink back into the blanket.

“Oh, my dear, I’m so sorry. Here, let me close the curtains.”

Crowley’s eyes widened from his hiding spot. He remembered now.

He had come over last night for takeout and wine. He had drunk for more than he should have and had gotten quite sloppy in his drunken state. He groaned quietly. What must Aziraphale think of him? Misinterpreting the meaning of his groan, Aziraphale hummed in sympathy.

“You must have a terrible headache. Let me get you some aspirin and water.”

He heard Aziraphale leave the room and sat up slowly. He was covered in the thick tartan blanket the normal hung over the back of the couch. He quickly ran a hand through his hair to make himself more presentable and adjusted his shirt. Aziraphale returned with the pills and glass of water, which Crowley took with thanks. Once he had gulped down enough water, he cleared his throat.

“Er, sorry about last night.”

Aziraphale titled his head. “Sorry for what?”

Crowley swept his hand to indicate himself. “You know, getting sloppy drunk and passing out on your sofa.”

Aziraphale took the now empty glass. “Don’t be ridiculous my dear. I offered you the sofa. Besides, I wasn’t exactly sober myself.”

He walked to the kitchen and Crowley followed. “Yeah, but if I remember correctly, I was considerably more sloshed. I guarantee that wasn’t what you signed up for.”

Aziraphale stood with his back to him as he washed the glass. “On the contrary my dear. I signed up for you, and if that means occasionally taking care of you then so be it. I actually had a wonderful time last night.” He paused, glancing over his shoulder. “Did you not?”

Crowley swallowed the lump in his throat. “Course I did. I always have a good time when I’m with you.”

He bit his tongue. He was always saying things he shouldn’t around Aziraphale. But Aziraphale only smiled as he set the cup on the drying rack.

“That’s very kind of you to say.”

“Not kind,” Crowley grumbled.

“Ah, of course. You’re a very roguish and wicked young man. How foolish of me.”

Crowley’s mouth fell open as he caught sight of the knowing smirk on Aziraphale’s face.

“Are you mocking me?”

Aziraphale leaned back against the counter. “Perhaps. What will you do to me if I am?”

Crowley raised his eyebrows. Was he flirting? Well, he could certainly take this that way if he wished. He leaned forward, bracing himself with his hands on the either side of the doorframe.

“Nothing you wouldn’t like, I can assure you.”

Aziraphale blinked several times and his cheeks took on a pink tint. “Perhaps.”

They remained staring at each other for several moments before Aziraphale broke eye contact.

“Right, well, I’m sure you’re very busy today. I don’t want to keep you.”

Crowley had to fight his brain from saying ‘_Don’t you?’. _“Eh, don’t actually have too much planned today. Could use a bite to eat though. What about you? Feeling at all peckish?”

Aziraphale looked at him with surprise. “Oh, well, yes actually. I am quite hungry.”

Crowley smiled at his victory and pushed off from the door. “Excellent. I know of a great little deli not too far from here. My treat.”

Aziraphale stared at him for so long that Crowley thought he had perhaps said something wrong. But as he searched for what it could be, he could think of nothing. Finally, Aziraphale nodded and gave him a small smile.

“Yes, my dear. I think I would like that very much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The point that Aziraphale forgot at the beginning of the chapter was that Whales are not fish.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Early chapter!

Crowley tilted his chin back as he walked, the warmth of the sun on his face somewhat counteracting the cold October air on his neck. This chill had come on quite suddenly. Just last week had been warm enough for a long sleeve.

“My dear, you really ought to get a warmer jacket. You’ll catch your death in that thin thing.”

Crowley shrugged and gave Aziraphale a smile. “Nah, I’m fine. You’re bundled up enough for the both us.”

Aziraphale hmphed and shoved his hands into his coat pockets. “It never hurts to be prepared.”

“I suppose not. Though it looks as if you’re prepared for a snowstorm.”

He adjusted his scarf with a sniff. “Don’t be ridiculous. I would never go out into a snowstorm.”

Crowley wouldn’t admit it, but he was indeed cold. He had gone for style over substance as he often did and was now paying the price. He tried to stop his body from shivering.

“Oh, come along. Let’s go in where it’s warm.”

Aziraphale took his hand and pulled him into the nearby coffee shop. Once inside, Crowley inhaled deeply. The scent of coffee and sweets enveloped him, helped along by the warmth of the shop.

“Oh my, that smells lovely. Would you like a coffee dear?”

“Sure angel. I’ll go get it; you go find us a seat.”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows at him, but then nodded and walked off towards a table near the back. Crowley moved up to the counter.

A young woman smiled politely at him. “Hello, what can I get for you?”

“Let’s do one medium coffee, black. Then I’ll have a large hot chocolate. And one of those chocolate croissants.”

She told him his total and he handed over his card.

“So, I saw you come in with Mr. Fell.”

He stared at her, waiting for a question. “And?”

“Oh, well, are you two together?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t it a bit rude to ask such things about your customers?”

She blushed and looked a bit embarrassed. “I’m sorry. It’s just, I think of Mr. Fell as more of a friend than a customer. After what happened with Gabriel, he came in here almost every day.”

Despite his better judgment, he felt curiosity get the better of him. “Oh?”

She nodded. “Mhmm. He told me all about it. How Gabriel had torn him down the entire time they were in a relationship. Told him he was boring and fat. Then one day poor Mr. Fell got home just to see that all of his things had been packed up for him. Gabriel told him to get out and broke up with him just like that. He was so very sad.”

Crowley gritted his teeth. He had guessed that Aziraphale had been in a bad relationship, but he hadn’t known it was quite that bad. The girl went on.

“But he looks so much happier lately. I’m guessing that has to do with you. I’m glad. Mr. Fell is such a kind man, he deserves to be happy.”

Crowley nodded, unsure of what else to say. It was true. Aziraphale did deserve to be happy. She handed him his drinks and croissant and he thanked her. He made his way over to Aziraphale, who was looking around the shop with some interest. When he spotted Crowley approaching, his face broke into a wide smile.

“Oh, thank you my dear. I’ll be sure to pay you back for this.”

Crowley waved his hand. “Don’t be ridiculous. This is on me.”

Aziraphale frowned and tilted his head. “But why? Does this come out of my payments?”

The words hit Crowley like a punch to the gut. That’s right, he was being paid to be here. For a moment he had forgotten.

“Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah, it’s part of the experience.”

Aziraphale nodded, and Crowley thought he looked a bit disappointed. “Of course.”

They settled into an uncomfortable silence, just as they always did when one of them brought up the arrangement.

“So, talked to the girl at the counter.”

“Oh, Alison! She’s a lovely girl.”

Crowley smirked. “Yeah, she seemed it. She also seemed to really like you.”

Aziraphale smiled and bit into his croissant. “Well, I’m glad to hear that.”

“To be fair,” Crowley continued, “I’m fairly sure most people like you.”

“I certainly don’t think that’s true,” Aziraphale countered. “Customers who try to buy first editions don’t like me.”

Crowley threw his head back and laughed. “Considering you literally tore a first edition Oscar Wilde out of a woman’s hands then threw her out of your shop, I can see why.”

He wiggled and sipped his cocoa. “It was not for sale.”

“Then why was it on your shelf?”

“The aesthetic.”

Crowley smiled fondly as Aziraphale continued to eat. They had been doing this for a couple months now, and as far as Crowley could tell, he was not growing bored. Aziraphale was endlessly interesting and endearing. Crowley could spend hours just watching him read, turning the pages and lifting his eyebrows when he got to a particularly interesting part. They hadn’t done more than hold hands though. It wasn’t that Crowley didn’t want to. On the contrary, there were times when he would look at Aziraphale and would have the overwhelming urge to grab him and pin him to the nearest surface. This usually happened while he was eating. But they were moving at Aziraphale’s pace. And Aziraphale was slow. And Crowley was ok with that. He would be a glacier if he had to. But he had begun to wonder if Aziraphale would ever want to do more. If he didn’t, it was fine. He could be content with this.

But then sometimes he would catch Aziraphale staring. At his lips, or he would glance back and see his eyes following his hips with a hungry look. One time he even bit his lips while glancing down at Crowley’s crotch. It certainly seemed there was interest there, and Crowley knew he would have to be the one to make the next move. The only problem was, when could he do it? He didn’t want to go too fast for Aziraphale. He would have to be careful about it. He would have to make sure it was ok.

“Would you care to go for a stroll through St. James before I have to go back to my shop?”

Crowley blinked, pulling himself out of his thoughts. “Hmm? Oh, yeah, sure. Sounds nice.”

They made their way out of the shop and set off for the park. The wind had picked up a bit, and Crowley tired to lift the collar of his jacket to block it out.

“Oh, come here,” Aziraphale said with a huff.

“What?” Crowley began to ask, but then a thick tartan scarf was being wrapped around his neck. He gaped down at it, then looked back to Aziraphale. “But won’t your neck get cold?”

He waved a hand. “My jacket it far thicker than yours. I’ll be fine.”

They began to walk again, and as they did, Crowley reached out and tentatively took Aziraphale’s hand. Aziraphale beamed at him, and he considered making an excuse that his hands were cold. He decided against that a moment later when he realized Aziraphale would probably end up giving him his gloves. They walked in silence for several minutes, but then Crowley heard Aziraphale inhale sharply. He glanced over and saw that Aziraphale was looking straight forward with wide eyes. He tried to follow his gaze, and saw a number of people ahead of him. But he didn’t have to wonder long, as one of the people called out as he got nearer.

“Aziraphale?”

The man was tall and muscular beneath his thick grey coat. Dark hair was cut short and he wore a false smile.

“Gabriel,” Aziraphale breathed.

Crowley immediately tensed up. Oh, so this was that bastard that had hurt him? The one who had so cruelly thrown his angel away? The one who had called him fat.

Gabriel stopped a few feet in front of them. “Aziraphale, it’s good to see you again.”

Aziraphale forced a small smile. “Yes, indeed. How are you?”

“Oh you know, just as good as always. Got partner with the firm!”

“Oh, wonderful. I know how you were always after that. I’m happy for you.”

Aziraphale actually sounded sincere. Crowley gritted his teeth. How could he be so forgiving and kind to someone who had treated him so terribly?

Gabriel’s eyes slid to Crowley, briefly pausing at their entwined hands. “And who is this?”

Crowley gave him a smile that was more of a sneer. “Crowley. Anthony Crowley.”

Gabriel looked from his feet to the top of his head, both eyebrows raising. “Are you two… friends?”

Crowley glanced at Aziraphale. It was up to him what they were. Aziraphale swallowed and seemed to be arguing internally before coming to a decision.

“No, Crowley is my boyfriend.”

A sharp bark of laughter escaped Gabriel as he looked to Crowley. “You? You’re with him? What exactly does he have on you? Because nobody who looks like you would willingly be with, well, this.” He motioned to Aziraphale.

Crowley felt Aziraphale stiffen beside him as he squeezed his hand, and Crowley was suddenly seeing red. He took a long stride forward so that he was directly in front of Gabriel.

“You listen to me, you piece of shit. Aziraphale is an absolute angel and far better than the likes of you. You would be so lucky to have him ever look in your general direction. I’ll have you know that I think he is absolutely stunning, and I make sure he knows it when I get on my knees and worship him. Which is something you should have done if your head wasn’t so far up your ass. If I ever find out you said something so horrible and untrue to him again, no fancy lawyer job will save you from what I’ll do to you. Do I make myself clear?”

Gabriel stared at him with wide eyes before narrowing them and taking a step back.

“Yes, I understand perfectly well.” He glanced back to Aziraphale and nodded. “Aziraphale. Take care.”

With that he strode around them walked off up the street. Crowley watched him go, his pulse still pounding in his ears. He didn’t actually like confrontation, but he couldn’t just stand there and let him insult his angel like that. He let out a calming breath and looked to Aziraphale.

“Well, that was a thing.” He paused when he saw the way Aziraphale was looking at him. His eyes were wide and watery, and his mouth was pressed into a hard line.

Crowley swallowed and shifted on his feet. Had he over stepped? “Hey, angel, sorry about that. I just didn’t want him to-“

“No, Crowley.” Aziraphale’s voice quivered. “Please don’t apologize. Nobody has ever stood up for me like that.”

Crowley frowned and stepped closer, taking Aziraphale’s hand. “Hey, angel, it’s ok. I’m not going to let that asshat talk down to you. You’re way too good for him.”

Aziraphale tilted his head. “How did you know he was my ex?”

He shrugged. “I guess I just put the pieces together. He seems like a real douche.”

“Language, dear,” he said, but there was no force behind it. Instead he was smiling. “Crowley, I was wanting to ask you something.”

Crowley raised an eyebrow. “Ask away.”

Aziraphale bit his lip and looked down at their hands that were still intertwined. “Well, my friend Anathema is throwing a Halloween party on the thirty first. She is very much into the occult, you see, so it’s really her holiday. I was wondering if you wanted to come with me as my date.”

Crowley smiled. He wanted him to meet his friends? Aziraphale was still looking at him nervously, as though he would say no.

“Angel, I would love to come as your date.”

His face broke into a wide grin. “Oh really? You will?”

Crowley laughed and slung his arm over his shoulder as they began to walk towards the park again. “Of course I will. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t?”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley and Aziraphale go to a party, and Crowley has a revelation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, that's right. Another chapter after I just posted yesterday. What is a schedule? Wow, I can't believe the support this fic has been getting. All of your comments are super encouraging and kind!

Crowley adjusted his costume for at least the tenth time in his rearview mirror. He hadn’t been to a costume party since his early twenties, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous. Not only to be dressed in a costume in public, but to also be meeting Aziraphale’s friends tonight. It sort of felt like meeting the parents. He knew that it was actually nothing like that, but it still felt like it was. He got out of the car and walked up to the shop. The bell overhead jingled, and he heard Aziraphale shout, “Just a minute!”, from up the stairs. He walked over to the counter and leaned against it, waiting. A minute later, approaching footsteps made him look up. A wide grin crossed his face.

“Oh, angel, you look positively sinful.”

Aziraphale stood a few feet away. He was dressed in a dark black suit with a red waistcoat, and on his head sat little red demon horns. Aziraphale’s eyes ran down Crowley’s body, and a smirk that matched the costume pulled at his lips.

“And you look simply heavenly, my dear.”

Crowley swept his hand out in a wide flourish. His all white suit stood in stark contrast to his red hair, which he had slicked back into a tight bun at the base of his neck. He had switched out his normal black sunglasses for a pair that were more square and trimmed with gold. The halo was an added touch.

“Well, aren’t we a stylish pair,” he said as he sauntered closer.

“You may have to work on your walk though. I can’t imagine an angel moving their hips quite so loosely.”

Crowley slid his hands into his pockets and tilted his head. “On the contrary. I’m the angel of healing, lovers, and happy meetings. What, am I being too tempting for you?”

Crowley expected Aziraphale to blush and disagree. Instead, he quirked one eyebrow and smiled.

“Darling, you’re always tempting me.”

Crowley swallowed thickly as Aziraphale turned and made his way towards the door. Perhaps his costume was making him feel bolder. Whatever is was, Crowley hoped he kept it up.

Once they were both seated in the car he adjusted his red bowtie and glanced over at Crowley.

“Now, full warning. Anathema can be a lot. She will likely bombard you with a hundred questions and will attempt to read your aura, whatever that means.”

Crowley adjusted his hands on the steering wheel. “And does she know? You know, about me? My occupation?”

Aziraphale smiled kindly and nodded. “Yes, she knows everything, but nobody else does. Except perhaps her boyfriends Newt, but he’s harmless.”

Crowley nodded, feeling a knot twisting in his stomach. All of his own friends knew what he did and didn’t judge him, but he never knew what to expect with strangers. Many still looked down on sex workers as less than them. He had gotten used to it. But if Aziraphale’s friends looked at him like he was trash, he doubted he would be able to fight the shame. He wanted to be good enough for Aziraphale.

The drive to Jasmine cottage was a long one. They arrived nearly an hour later, and by then the sun had already set. Crowley got out of the car and examined the quaint home in front of him. The path up to the front door was lined with jack-o-lanterns and some sort of wreath was hanging on the door. The sound of music could be heard coming from inside, and through the front window he could make out bodies moving around. He was normally very confident, but at the moment he found that his hands were sweating. He rubbed them dry on the inside of his pockets. Aziraphale came to stand beside him and seemed to know what he was thinking.

“You’ll do great my dear. They’ll love you.”

“Mmm, yeah, very lovable me.”

Aziraphale chuckled. “Yes, I certainly think so.”

Crowley looked at him sharply, but he had already begun to move up the path to the front door. Crowley rushed to keep up. Once they were both standing on the stoop, Aziraphale reached over and took his hand. He gave it a comforting squeeze, then lifted his other hand and knocked. It took only a moment for it to swing open. A young woman stood before them, dressed completely in what looked like a traditional witch costume.

“Aziraphale! I’m so glad you could make it. I didn’t think you would.”

Aziraphale embraced her in a hug and rolled his eyes. “Of course I came. I said I would, didn’t I?”

She stepped back. “Yes well, I know how difficult it can be to drag you away from your books.” She turned her eyes to Crowley. “And you are?”

Crowley forced his smile to remain polite. He knew Aziraphale has already told her he was coming. He held out his hand. “Anthony Crowley, but I just go by Crowley.”

She glanced down at his hand, then took it. “Oh, right. Aziraphale mentioned. Well, both of you come in.”

She stepped back and Crowley followed Aziraphale into the cottage. People were scattered throughout the small space. A group of children were gathered in the kitchen, all taking treats out of the candy bowl on the counter.

“Make yourself at home. There are alcoholic drinks in the refrigerator and non-alcoholic in the cooler. We have beer and a wine sangria. Most of the adults are in the living room.”

Aziraphale looked to Crowley. “Would you like a drink, my dear?”

He gave him a crooked smile. “Sure angel, I’ll grab them. I’m guessing you want the Sangria.”

Aziraphale smiled warmly. “You know me well.”

Crowley walked into the kitchen while Aziraphale was pulled away to the living room. The group of kids looked up guiltily when they saw him.

“Who are you?” asked the only girl.

“I’m Crowley. Who are _you_?”

“We’re the Them. I’m Adam,” said a boy with wavy brown hair. “That’s Wensleydale, Pepper, and Brian.”

Crowley tipped his halo at them. “Well, it’s lovely to meet you all. You wouldn’t happen to be doing something you aren’t supposed to be, would you?”

The four children glanced at each other.

Wensleydale frowned at him. “Actually, we aren’t supposed to have any more candy.”

“You won’t tell our parents, will you?” Adam asked.

Crowley snorted. “Of course not. But if I were you, I would take that bowl out onto the front garden. Much less likely to get caught out there.”

The children’s faces lit up. They grabbed the bowl and made their way to the door. Adam glanced back. “Thanks Mr. Crowley.”

He winked. “It’s just Crowley. Mr. Crowley was my father.”

Once the kids were gone, he got the drinks from the fridge and then made his way into the living room. He saw that Aziraphale was engaged in a discussion with Anathema and two other women. He recognized one of the women as Madame Tracy. He walked over and held out the drink.

“Here you are angel.”

“Oh, thank you Crowley. What held you up?”

He nodded his head towards the kitchen. “Met a few kids. Set them on the path of righteousness.”

“Oh I’m _sure_ you did,” Aziraphale chuckled.

“That’ll have been my Adam,” said a pretty middle-aged blonde woman. She held out her hand. “I’m Deirdre Young. You must be Crowley. I must say, Aziraphale didn’t mention his new beau was quite so fetching.”

Crowley raised an eyebrow at Aziraphale. “No? What exactly have you been telling them angel?”

“Honestly, we haven’t heard much of anything,” said Madame Tracy. “I’ve tried to drag out some details, but Aziraphale has been very tight lipped. What do you do for a living?”

Crowley glanced at Aziraphale, and then Anathema. She was watching his with shrewd eyes.

“I work in the hospitality business.”

“Ah,” Deirdre nodded. “What company?”

Crowley swallowed. “Self-employed, actually.”

“So,” Aziraphale said loudly, “Deirdre, I heard you and Arthur recently redid your kitchen.”

Crowley let out a sigh of relief as Aziraphale changed the subject. It wasn’t that he was ashamed and didn’t want people to know. He just wanted to be able to choose who knew. Though he would never admit it, he wanted these people to respect him. And with these upper middle-class types, it was usually the same. As soon as they found out he did sex work, they would look at him as a degenerate. Some lesser being for them to turn their noses up at. They wouldn’t want him around their children, terrified he would turn them to a life of sin. Crowley forced himself out of those thoughts. Spiraling while at a party wouldn’t be good. He saw that a group of men were talking on the other side of the room and nudged Aziraphale.

“I’m going to go mingle.”

Aziraphale smiled, understanding. “Of course, dear. I’ll join you in a moment.”

Crowley walked over to the men and picked up on the conversation.

“Anathema has been trying to talk me into trading up, but I just can’t bear to get rid of it.”

A man with a thick mustache shook his head. “Newt, that thing is a deathtrap. A newer model would do you good.”

The three men looked up at Crowley as he joined them. A bespectacled man, Newt apparently, smiled nervously at him. “Oh, hello. You’re Aziraphale’s date. Crowley, isn’t it?”

He nodded. “Yep, that’s me.”

“I’m Newt, Anathema’s boyfriends.”

Crowley shook his hand. “Pleasure.”

“And this is Arthur Young, Deirdre’s husband. And this is Mr. Shadwell, Madame Tracy’s partner.”

“We’ve met,” the older man growled.

“Well,” Arthur said, turning to him, “You look like a knowledgeable man. I was just telling Newt that he needs to upgrade to a more modern car. The one he has is on its last leg and is a complete nuisance to the community.”

Shadwell grunted. “Oh, don’t ask him about this sort of thing. His sort never knows about these manlier endeavors.”

Newt looked stricken and Arthur glanced nervously at Crowley.

Crowley only smirked. “Oh, yes, I wouldn’t know anything about that. I only own and maintain a nineteen thirties Bentley on the regular. But please, tell me more about what I don’t know.”

Shadwell at least had the grace to look embarrassed. Newt cleared his throat.

Newt perked up. “That’s quite impressive. I’ve always wanted one of those old vintage cars.”

Arthur snorted. “Your car practically is.”

Crowley smiled as the conversation flowed easily after that. He had gotten very good at adapting into whichever group he needed to fit in with. He often had to mold himself to be what the client wanted him to be. If these people wanted a sophisticated upper middle-class gentleman, then that’s what he would give them.

He felt a nudge on his elbow and looked over to see Aziraphale beside him. He followed him over to stand near the hall.

“How are enjoying yourself?”

Crowley looked back to the group of people. “They all seem nice enough. Except Shadwell, he seems like a wanker.”

“Mmm.” Aziraphale nodded in agreement. “He can be quite judgmental. But I’ll have you know that Deirdre and Madame Tracy are quite taken with you. They think you’re very handsome.”

Crowley wiggled his eyebrows. “Well, they aren’t wrong about that.”

Aziraphale chuckled. “No, they aren’t.”

Crowley looked back to the group of women and saw that Anathema was watching them. “What about her? Anathema. What does she think?”

He sighed. “I’m not sure. She’s very protective. She only wants what best for me.”

“Ah,” Crowley nodded. “And she doesn’t think that’s me.”

“She doesn’t mean anything by it, really. She doesn’t know you. Not the way I know you.”

Crowley looked back to Aziraphale, focusing on his bright blue eyes. “And you think you know me?”

Aziraphale looked slightly taken aback. “Well, I think so. Only what I’ve seen, and you’ve told me.”

Crowley smiled, wanting to lighten the mood. “And do you like what you see?”

Aziraphale’s face remained extremely serious. “Very much so, yes.”

Crowley’s smile slid from his face as he looked into Aziraphale’s eyes. There was something desperate there, something searching. He wanted to lean into it, to fall headlong into those pools that seemed to lead into his soul, where he could swim in his gentleness and kindness forever. He saw Aziraphale’s lips part and his tongue flicked out, wetting his lips. Crowley’s eyes followed the movement, and he subconsciously did the same.

Had they been this close before? No, Crowley was sure there had been more space between them a moment ago. But now his vision and senses were being swallowed up. It was only Aziraphale. Everything else seemed to fade and blend into the background of his subconscious, and he found he was leaning forward ever so slightly.

Aziraphale’s eyes darted all over Crowley’s face, as though he were memorizing every detail. Crowley let him. He wanted to be remembered. If what they had didn’t last, if it crumbled like every other relationship Crowley had ever had, he wanted his memory to be kept in at least one place that would hold him precious. He wanted one person to think of him with kindness, even if it could never become something more. If he only lived on the in the fond thoughts of this angelic, wonderful man, he would be happy.

He had never been loved before. Not really. Nobody had ever held him and told him that he mattered and that he was loved. He had long ago accepted that that would never happen. But perhaps it would be enough for him to love without return. The thought made his breath catch. Love? Since when was this love? Well, he supposed as of right now. Because what else could this be? He had never felt this way before for anyone. The feeling was foreign, and it ached and tore at his chest. Was love supposed to hurt?

When he opened his mouth to speak, his voice sounded hoarse. “Aziraphale, I-“

He was cut off as they were joined by another. “Aziraphale, could you help me take the cookies out of the oven and plate them? I wouldn’t ask, but I know how good you are with details.” Deirdre smiled sweetly at him.

Aziraphale blinked and stepped back, seeming to come out of a reverie. “Hm? Oh, yes, of course. Crowley I’ll… I’ll be right back.”

Crowley cleared his throat. “Yeah, yeah, of course angel. I’ll be here.”

He watched as Aziraphale was pulled away towards the kitchen. He had the irrational feeling of wanting to follow, to tell Aziraphale that he wasn’t going to leave his side. He couldn’t do that of course.

“So, what exactly is your game?”

Crowley blinked and looked over to see Anathema standing beside him. “Game?”

“Yes. Aziraphale told me what you’re doing. I just can’t figure out what your angle is. What are you getting out of this?”

Crowley narrowed his eyes. “You know, Aziraphale told me about you and I thought you sounded like a really good friend. I guess I was wrong.”

Her eyes widened in fury behind her glasses. “Excuse me?”

He turned to fully face her. “You know, you sound exactly like that prick Gabriel. What, you think Aziraphale isn’t good enough for me to want to be around if he’s not paying me? You think I have to get more out of this than just him? It’s no wonder he has such low self-esteem with all of you people making him feel not good enough.”

Her eyes had gone from wide with fury to wide with surprise. He turned away from her.

“He deserves better.”

A moment passed, and then a quite “Oh.”

He flicked his eyes to her. “What?”

Her face slowly morphed from shock, to amazement, to joy. “Oh wow. I see it now. Not sure how I missed it really.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re in love with him.”

She stated it as a fact, not a question. His mouth fell open.

“I, what, no that’s not… no, no I don’t. I can’t, don’t know what you’re talking about,” he spluttered helplessly.

She only smiled smugly. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell him. That’s up to you.”

He swallowed. “I don’t love him.”

She nodded but continued smiling. “Uh hu, sure. Keep telling yourself that. I’m sure that will make it true.”

He looked away again. He wasn’t that obvious, was he? He had only just figured it out himself, how could she know? He chewed on his cheek.

“How does he feel about me?”

She looked contemplative. “Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t think he even knows. He’s been hurt so many times before, he’s built walls around his heart that he doesn’t want knocked down. He thinks if it’s not real, it will be easier for him.”

Crowley nodded. He had figured as much.

“But,” Anathema continued, “it’s real for you. Isn’t it?”

He met her eyes. She could see what he wanted to say without him having to use words. She nodded, a small smile on her lips.

“So why not tell him? That you want to do this for real?”

Crowley looked back towards the kitchen. “I can’t. That’s not what Aziraphale wants. After everything he’s been through, he deserves to have what he wants. What I want doesn’t matter.”

She continued to stare at him, her eyes gentle and understanding. “I had it all wrong. I thought you had the power to hurt him, but really that power belongs to him.”

Crowley opened his mouth, unsure of what he was going to say, but before he could say anything Aziraphale was beside him.

“Crowley, is everything all right? You look a bit pale.”

He swallowed and cleared his throat. “Oh, yeah, I’m great angel. Was just having a chat with your friend.”

Aziraphale looked nervously at Anathema. “I hope you weren’t being too hard on him.”

Anathema shook her head. “No, of course not. On the contrary, Crowley was teaching me something I hadn’t known before.”

Without elaborating, she turned and walked to join her boyfriend. Aziraphale raised an eyebrow.

“Really my dear, was she being rude?”

He shook his head. “No angel. She was just looking out for you.”

The rest of the party went by without much event. Around eleven everyone began to take their leave, and Crowley and Aziraphale made their way out. Once they were in the Bentley and driving, Crowley smiled over at Aziraphale.

“I had a good time. I like your friends.”

Aziraphale looked skeptical. “Did you really? I know they can be a lot.”

Crowley shrugged. “Honestly so can I. But they seem like good people.”

Aziraphale sighed. “Yes, they are.”

The dark fields flew by outside their windows, and Aziraphale looked out with contemplative look. “You know, I’ve always wanted to live out here. Somewhere in the country. Perhaps retire with all of my books and a nice garden.”

“Mmm,” Crowley nodded in agreement. “That would be nice. I would love to have a real outdoor garden. Might get a bit lonely though.”

“Yes,” Aziraphale sighed. “I think that’s why I haven’t done it yet. Loneliness is a horrible feeling.”

They drove in silence for most of the way after that until they reached the city. Crowley swallowed and gripped his steering wheel tighter, knowing what he was about to ask.

“Hey, it isn’t that late. Do you want to stop by my place for a night cap?”

Aziraphale looked over at him with wide eyes. When he didn’t immediately answer, Crowley continued.

“You don’t have to of course, if you don’t want to. But I could always drive you home afterwards. Just thought you might like to finish off the night on a quiet note.”

“I would love to.”

Crowley glanced at him quickly before looking back to the road. “Yeah?”

Aziraphale nodded. “Yes.”

He drove to his flat a bit faster than necessary and pulled into a spot in front of the building.

“Well, this is me.”

Aziraphale got out of the car and stared up at the building. “Which floor are you?”

“Um, the penthouse actually.”

Aziraphale’s eyes widened, but he followed Crowley inside and then into the elevator. Once on the top floor, Crowley led him to the door and unlocked it. Aziraphale walked in and Crowley followed. He didn’t know why he was so nervous. He had had plenty of people in his home before. But now it felt like it mattered.

“This place must cost you a fortune.”

Crowley shrugged. “Actually, it doesn’t. My uncle bought this place in the seventies, and when he died a few years ago it went to me. I only property taxes.”

“Ah, well that’ better then.”

Aziraphale was quiet as he walked through the space. He started in the living room, taking in the sparse décor, then moved into the office. He raised an eyebrow at the throne but didn’t comment on it. Finally, he moved into the plant room.

He spoke in a hushed tone. “Oh, Crowley, these are beautiful.”

Crowley leaned against the doorframe. “I told you about my plants.”

“Yes, but hearing about it and actually seeing it is quite different.” Aziraphale walked to one of the plants and ran a finger reverently over one of the leaves. Crowley shivered, a pang of jealously coursing through him. He wanted to be the one Aziraphale touched with such worship.

“Right, well, the kitchen is through here.”

Though he seemed reluctant, Aziraphale followed him away from the plants and into the kitchen. The light from the streetlamps and moon gave the space enough light to see by, so Crowley didn’t bother to turn on any lights. Aziraphale sat at one of the bar stools on the other side of the island.

“What’ll it be? I have tea and coffee.”

“Oh, tea would be lovely.”

Crowley set about making the tea, and once it was finished, slid the teacup across the island. Aziraphale had to lean forward to reach it, as the island was actually quite wide. Crowley pulled off his halo and took out his bun, massaging his finger through his hair to loosen it up. Aziraphale had already taken off his horns and set them on the counter. They drank their drinks in silence, and Crowley searched for something to say. Aziraphale beat him to it.

“Well, tonight has been positively lovely my dear.”

“Yes,” Crowley agreed eagerly. “We’ll have to go out with your friends again. Though perhaps we’ll exclude Shadwell.”

Aziraphale giggled. “You certainly aren’t shy in your dislike of him.”

Crowley leaned forward on the counter. “You like that I’m not shy.”

A pink tint filled Aziraphale’s cheeks, but he didn’t lower his eyes. “Is that so? How do you know what I like?”

Crowley titled his head, considering how best to answer. “I know that you like when I’m a gentleman. You like when I pull out your chair and offer you my arm. You like to be doted on, but you would never say it out loud. You like when I get close to you. You like when I breath on your neck. You like being wanted.”

Aziraphale inhaled sharply, his eyes widening. Crowley thought for a moment he had gone too far, opening Aziraphale up like that. But then a small smile pulled at Aziraphale’s lips.

“And I think perhaps, my dear, that you like being needed.”

His words felt like a scalpel, slicing into a deep part of Crowley that he did not normally explore. He felt that same pull that he had felt at the party, as though there were a string tied to his soul and it was binding him to Aziraphale. This time, he let it pull him. He knew he could go around, but he didn’t want to.

Pressing his palms flat to the counter, he hoisted himself up. Aziraphale watched with wide eyes as Crowley crawled across the island on his hands and knees. He stopped when he was over Aziraphale, his hands gripping the edge of the counter. Aziraphale stared up at him as though transfixed. His lips were parted slightly, and he was breathing slowly. The moonlight that streamed through the window caught in Aziraphale’s hair, making it look like a real halo. Crowley’s hair fell onto his face as he leaned forward. When he spoke, it was a whisper.

“Is this ok, angel?”

Rather than answer, Aziraphale lifted a hand and brushed a stand of hair away from Crowley’s face. “Has anyone ever told you, you have the most beautiful red hair I’ve ever seen?”

Crowley huffed out a laughed. “I can’t say they have, angel.”

Aziraphale hummed. “What a pity.”

He leaned up then as Crowley leaned down. As soon as their lips connected, Crowley let out a sigh. It felt like he had been holding his breath all this time. Not just tonight, but the entire time he had known Aziraphale. Perhaps all his life even. And now, as Aziraphale kissed him, it was like finally being given air. His lips were soft as they moved around his, pulling him down further into a depth that he was unsure if he could ever get out of. He didn’t care. If this was what drowning felt like he would gladly dive deeper.

Aziraphale tasted of tea and sugar, though it was offset by a hint of mint. It was intoxicating. Crowley had never touched drugs, but he thought he could get addicted to this.

Aziraphale reached up and wrapped a hand around the back of his head while the other hand cradled his cheek. An exploratory tongue darted out and flicked against his teeth, earning him a moan. When they finally broke apart, both breathing heavily, Aziraphale smiled shyly up at him.

“Well, I suppose you can add that to the list of things I like.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I REALLY hope you guys like this chapter as much as I liked writing it. Also, a few things. If you didn't catch it, Crowley basically said he was the angel Raphael. I really wish I were an artist, because I would love to draw the kitchen scene. I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up, but it shouldn't be too long. Please let me know what you think! Your comments mean a lot to me.


	11. Chapter 11

Aziraphale awoke slowly from a comfortable sleep. The morning light was already streaming in through the lace curtains over his window and he could make out the sound of birds. He stretched, smiling at the idyllic morning. The memories from the previous night came back to him and he smiled wider. The image of Crowley on all fours towering over him sent the same thrill through him as it had the night before, his face so close and his lips so enticing in front of him. His lips had still been stained red by the sangria, and the idea of not tasting them had been horrible. He had felt bolder last night and had barely even thought of what he was doing as he leaned up and pressed his lips to Crowley. And oh, how he had been rewarded. Kissing Crowley was everything he had dreamt it would be. He was a bit concerned by how badly he wanted to do it again.

Aziraphale climbed out of bed and began his morning routine. He gathered and laid out his clothes for the day, took a fluffy white towel out of the cupboard, and got in the shower. It wasn’t until the warm water was coursing over his body that he thought about how he had desperately wanted to do more than kiss him.

Crowley had been an absolute gentleman after they had kissed. He had given him that dashing smile, his eyes alight with mischief, before climbing down off the counter. Aziraphale’s mind had spun as he imagined Crowley taking his hand and leading him back to his bedroom. The thought of Crowley pressing his body to his as he laid him out on his bed. He imagined a king-sized bed of black silk. His mouth on his neck as he slowly wound downwards, leaving hot kisses on his skin and taking off clothes as he went.

But Crowley had done none of that. Crowley had drove him home after they finished their tea. Aziraphale had hoped for another kiss when being dropped off, but that hadn’t happened either. He tried to not feel disappointed. He was the one who had told Crowley that he wanted to go slow, and like the wonderful man he was, was only following his wishes. If he wanted to take this to the next level, he was going to have to be the one to initiate. The thought filled him with dread. He had never been good at that sort of thing.

Once he finished with his shower he toweled off and got dressed. He made if way downstairs with just enough time to make a cup of tea before opening the shop.

The morning dragged on without much event. It was blessedly slow, just as Aziraphale liked it. At around ten the bell over the door rang and Aziraphale looked up. His breath caught in his throat. Crowley strolled in, wearing his signature leather jacket and carrying a tray of drinks in one hand and a bag in the other. He flashed Aziraphale a grin when he spotted him.

“Hey there, angel.”

Aziraphale stood, nearly knocking over a precariously sat tower of books on his desk. “Oh, Crowley! I didn’t know you would be stopping by this morning.”

Crowley shrugged one shoulder and sat the drinks and bag on the counter. “That’s sort of the point of a surprise, isn’t it?”

Aziraphale’s stomach was doing strange twisting things. “Ah, yes, I suppose it is. What is this you’ve brought?”

“I figured you hadn’t had time to eat yet, so I popped into that bakery down the street. Got a few scones and a hot chocolate for you.”

Aziraphale could do little more than stare at him as he pulled the drinks out of the container and opened the paper bag. He had brought him breakfast? He had to have gone completely out of his way to do this. Nobody had ever put so much care into him before.

“Crowley that’s… that’s very kind of you.”

“Nah, not really. I was in the area.”

Aziraphale raised an eyebrow. “What were you doing in the area?

A pink blush crept over his cheeks as he busied himself with his coffee. “Oh, nothing important. I just had appointment.”

“Hmm.” Aziraphale knew it wasn’t really his business. “So, my dear, while you’re here I may as well ask. Would you like to join me for dinner tonight? Around seven?”

Crowley smiled and opened his mouth to answer, but then his smile fell away and he scrunched up his face. “Crap. Sorry angel, I can’t. I have another appointment tonight and I’ll be busy until nine.”

Aziraphale felt his stomach drop. Ah, so that’s what he meant by appointment. Crowley was working. Well, to be fair, he was also working right now. Aziraphale knew he had no right to feel the sudden surge of jealousy that ran through him. Crowley didn’t belong to him, not really. He could do whatever he liked. But the sudden image of another man lying atop Crowley, his mouth on his in the same way it had been on Aziraphale’s, made him feel nauseous. He stood and turned away from Crowley so that he couldn’t see the expressions he was having a hard time controlling.

“Aziraphale? Are you alright?”

“Hmm? Oh yes, I’m tickety-boo.” He knew his voice sounded strained. He began to aimlessly move papers around on his desk. “I actually just remembered that there’s some paperwork I need to do.”

“Oh… ok,” Crowley said slowly. “I’ll leave you too it then.”

He heard Crowley stand and his footsteps began to retreat, then stopped. “Can I call you though? Tonight, around ten?”

Aziraphale took a deep breath. He would have to take Crowley in whatever way he could have him. “Yes, my dear. That would be lovely.” He looked over his shoulder and smiled as reassuringly as he could.

Crowley smiled back, though his looked a little uncertain. “Alright, great. Talk to you then angel.”

Aziraphale allowed his eyes to roam down his lithe form as he sauntered out the door. Once he was gone, Aziraphale let out a breath. He knew what this was, he always had, so he wasn’t sure why the idea of Crowley with another man suddenly made him want to fling a book across the room. Not one of his good books of course, but still.

This was the price he had to pay if he wanted to be with Crowley. He would never be the only one he gave his attention to. Crowley would never permanently hang his hat inside his door. Crowley could never fully be his.

He had known this, and he had decided that this was best. No feelings. But if there were no feelings involved, why were his hands shaking like that? And why were his eyes stinging so painfully? He sat down heavily in his chair and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes.

He had to get this under control. He couldn’t fall apart every time Crowley mentioned his job. It was ridiculous and unfair to Crowley. He would have to take whatever Crowley would give him for as long as he could have him, because surely this couldn’t last forever. Soon Crowley would grow bored of this game. He didn’t know how long that would be, so he may as well enjoy Crowley for as long as he had him.

* * *

Crowley arched his back and groaned. The bed beneath him was soft and warm and his head sunk deeper into the comforter.

“_God,” _he moaned, pressing his hand over his eyes. A sudden boot hitting his stomach made him grunt and sit up. “Hey! What was that for?”

Bee poked her head out from her closet. “Would you stop groaning like a child?”

“But you’re taking forever! Just pick something and put it on!”

She snorted. “Beauty takes time.”

“Only when you aren’t naturally born with it like me.” He smirked and ducked out of the way from another boot.

A couple minutes later Bee came out wearing something almost identical to what she had been wearing earlier.

“Are you serious? You made me wait for _that?_”

She examined herself in the mirror. “It’s all in the details.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“And you are annoying. Come on, we’re going to be late.”

Crowley sputtered. “Oh, _I’m sorry_. How horrible of me to hold you up.”

In the end they got to the bar right on time. Dagon, Hastur, and Ligur were all waiting for them at a table near the back. They waved them down as they approached.

“Finally!” Hastur cried. “What took you guys so long?”

Crowley glanced at his watch. “I’ll have you know we are right on time. It’s not my fault that Dagon forces you to be half an hour early to everywhere you go.”

“Punctuality is key,” Dagon said as they sipped from their beer. “Are you two going to sign up for a song?”

For the past five years, Crowley’s friends had been dragging him along to monthly karaoke nights at their favorite bar. Crowley never sang. At least that’s what he told people. But a video saved to Bee’s phone of a very drunk Crowley belting out Mamma Mia would suggest otherwise. He had begun to participate more often, once the liquid courage set in.

“Oh no, absolutely not. I’m not getting up there tonight.”

Two hours later and several beers in, Crowley stumbled onto the stage. He wasn’t nearly drunk enough for this to seem like a good idea, just enough to get him up there. The opening notes to Linger by The Cranberries eased his nerves. He swayed and grabbed the microphone. He could hear his friends cheering him from the back.

_“If you, if you could return_ _  
Don't let it burn  
Don't let it fade  
I'm sure I'm not being rude  
But it's just your attitude  
It's tearing me apart  
It's ruining every day”_

He swayed to the melody, feeling the lyrics in his chest.

_“I swore I would be true_ _  
And fellow, so did you  
So why were you holding her hand?  
Is that the way we stand?  
Were you lying all the time?  
Was it just a game to you?”_

He used both hands to grip the microphone as he leaned into the chorus.

_“But I'm in so deep_ _  
You know I'm such a fool for you  
You've got me wrapped around your finger  
Do you have to let it linger?  
Do you have to, do you have to, do have to let it linger?”_

Crowley wasn’t sure why he suddenly felt the desire to cry. It was ridiculous. It was just a song, one he had sang plenty of times before. So why were the lyrics suddenly burning in his chest? Why did the lyrics feel like they were hitting a little close to home? He somehow managed to finish the song without bursting into tears like an idiot and stumbled back to his friends in the back. He collapsed into his chair and dropped his head onto his arms.

“God, you’re such a sap,” Bee mumbled as they downed the rest of their beer.

Hastur patted him on the back. “That client of yours still giving you some trouble?”

Crowley sat up and glared at him. “He’s not giving me trouble. He’s great.”

Ligur snorted. “Yeah, the way you were singing that song really made that clear. You looked like you were going to cry when you sang that part about feeling used.”

Crowley made a face. “Hey, it’s not his fault. He hasn’t done anything wrong. I’m the one that needs to get over these issues.”

Bee rolled her eyes. “Crowley, your self-sacrificial nature is really adorable and everything, but I think you might need to see a therapist.”

Crowley bit back a growl. “I do _not_ need to see a therapist. I’m fine. I’m just… having a good time.”

Nobody at the table looked like they believed what he was saying. Hell, he didn’t even believe it. Coming to the realization that he was in love with Aziraphale was becoming a real problem for him. That kiss they had shared had been wonderful, but he wanted _more_. And he didn’t just mean in a sexual way. He wanted to bring Aziraphale here to meet his friends. He wanted more gentle touches and soft laughter. He wanted to have some control over what they were doing. He wanted it to be _real_. The thought that he couldn’t have that was making his heart constrict in uncomfortable ways.

He had brought Aziraphale breakfast that morning, and rather than admit that he had woken up early and drove all the way across town so that he could see his angel smile, he had lied and said he had an appointment. If this was real, he wouldn’t have to do that. And then Aziraphale had seemed so… dismissive. Like he hadn’t actually wanted him there at all. The thought had hurt. Anathema’s words came back to him. _  
  
_

_“I thought you had the power to hurt him, but really that power belongs to him.”_

He frowned into his beer. He would never hurt Aziraphale, but he couldn’t say the same for the other way around. And the worst part was he wasn’t even doing it on purpose. Crowley knew full well what Aziraphale wanted, it was only his own stupid feelings that were getting in the way. That wasn’t fair to Aziraphale. He was pulled out of his thoughts by Bee slapping her hand down on the table.

“Alright, I’m up!”

She walked to the stage and yanked the microphone off its stand. Crowley grimaced as the starting instrumental to Closer by Nine Inch Nails began to play. The song was going to be stuck in his head all night now. Not ideal, with his current predicament.

_“Help me_ _  
I broke apart my insides  
Help me  
I've got no soul to sell  
Help me  
The only thing that works for me  
Help me get away from myself”_

He pressed his face into the palms of his hands, trying not to hear the lyrics that were coming next.

_“I want to fuck you like an animal_ _  
I want to feel you from the inside  
I want to fuck you like an animal  
My whole existence is flawed  
You get me closer to god”_

Crowley swallowed. How was it even humanly possible to identify with both songs? Bee was really working that whole dominatrix thing. He felt embarrassed just listening to her sing those lyrics in front of the crowd full of people. But Bee was never embarrassed. He couldn’t help a small smile as she rocked out, thrashing her head and stomping around the stage.

An hour later Crowley pushed his way into his apartment. He wasn’t drunk, just a little tipsy, since he had stopped drinking after his song. He made his way to his bedroom and flopped down onto the cool sheets. Even though it was cold outside, he felt as though his clothes were sticking to him. He dragged his jacket off and kicked off his shoes. Next, he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it to the floor. His trousers came last, peeled off by force. He laid there in his bed in nothing but his underpants and stared at the ceiling.

That song came back to him, and with it, images. Images of Aziraphale. He thought of blasting that song as he shoved Aziraphale back onto his bed. He could imagine standing over Aziraphale while he looked up at him with a mix of anticipation and innocence. He would pin Aziraphale’s hands over his head while he squirmed beneath him. Crowley’s hand found its way into his pants and he palmed at his growing erection. He groaned at the friction.

The sudden buzzing of his phone made him snap out of his fantasy. He looked at the name of his screen and swallowed. That’s right, he had told Aziraphale to call him. He took several deep breaths and then answered.

“Hey there, angel.”

_“Oh, hello dear. Are you alright?”_

Crowley sat up. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

_“Oh, you just sounded slightly out of breath.”_

“Ah, yeah, sorry. I just got in.”

_“I apologize if I’m interrupting. I can call back later if you wish.”_

“No, no angel it’s fine. I always have time for you.”

There was a pause on the other end of the line. _“Well, if you’re sure.”_

“I am.” Crowley settled more comfortably on his bed. “So, what did you get up to today?”

_“Oh, you know, just what I normally do. Took care of the shop. Got takeout delivered for dinner.”_ Another pause. _“How was your… appointment?”_

Crowley rubbed a hand over his forehead. “Um, it was good. Had fun.”

_“Fun? Do you… do you usually have fun at these appointments?”_

“Usually, yeah.”

_“I see.”_ A silence stretched out. Crowley searched for something to say, but Aziraphale beat him to it. _“Do you also have fun when you’re with me?”_

His voice was so quiet Crowley almost thought he misheard. “What?”

_“Oh, I’m sorry. Nothing. I’ve had a bit to drink and I’m afraid I’m feeling a bit ridiculous. Please ignore me.”_ He could hear Aziraphale groan.

Crowley sat up. “Angel, what’s going on? Are you ok?”

“Yes, yes, I’m fine. I just… I get insecure sometimes. But that isn’t your problem, it’s mine.”

“Angel, I need you to listen to me.” When there was silence on the other end of the phone, he continued. “When you’re feeling like this, when you feel down or like you aren’t good enough, I want you to call me. I don’t care what time it is or what’s going on, I’ll answer. Because it is my problem. And I will assure you that you are perfect. I have more fun with you than with anyone else. Because you are mine.”

He heard Aziraphale inhale sharply. _“Yours?”_

Crap. Had that been the wrong thing to say? He didn’t want to some across as possessive.

“Uh, yeah. Only if you’d like to be.”

He listened to Aziraphale breathe on the other end for several seconds. _“Yes, my dear, I would like that.”_

“Oh, well, good. Now that that’s settled, would you like me to come over?”

_“Come over?”_ Aziraphale sounded confused. _“It’s quite late dear.”_

Crowley smiled and rolled over on the bed. “Well yeah. But I was thinking I could come over and show you just how perfect I think you are.”

A sudden coughing fit from the other end of the line made him smirk.

“_Oh, um, right now?”_

“Mhmm.”

_“Oh, well, I think perhaps now isn’t the best time.”_

Crowley’s heart sank. “Right. Sorry, didn’t mean to go too fast.”

_“No, no my dear, you aren’t. Why don’t we plan a date in the coming week?”_

Crowley rested his chin on his hand. “Yeah, I can do that. I’ll think of something.”

_“Oh, you? You want to plan it?”_

Crowley snorted. “Yeah, why do you sound so surprised?”

_“I’m not. Well, alright. If you insist.”_

“I do. Let me treat you, angel.”

Aziraphale chuckled. _“Very well. Well, it’s getting quite late and I need to open the shop tomorrow. I better let you go.”_

“Right. I’ll see you later angel.”

_“Good night dear.” _

As the line went dead, Crowley dropped his phone onto the bed beside him. Aziraphale was still feeling insecure. He knew this wasn’t something that could be fixed overnight, he just wanted his angel to see himself how he viewed him. He was sexy and beautiful and kind and smart. He would just have to find a way to show him that.


	12. Chapter 12

“Crowley, where on Earth are we going?”

“Who said we’re going somewhere on Earth?”

Aziraphale huffed and rolled his eyes. “Well you said we aren’t going to a restaurant.”

“We aren’t.” Crowley confirmed.

“And we aren’t going to a play?”

“Nope.”

Aziraphale frowned and looked out the window. “What else is there?”

Crowley laughed. “You really need to expand your horizons angel.”

Aziraphale couldn’t help but fidget in his seat. Crowley had only told him to dress warm, so he assumed they were doing something outside. It was now mid-November and the weather had become rather nippy. He was used to being the one to plan these dates. Giving up the power felt foreign and uncomfortable, but he was doing his best to adapt and trust Crowley. He knew the other would never do anything to intentionally hurt him. But that didn’t stop the nerves twisting in his stomach.

“Angel, would you calm down? You nervous twitching is giving me anxiety.”

Aziraphale looked over with an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry my dear. I just get anxious when I don’t know what’s going on.”

Crowley reached over and rested a reassuring hand onto his own. “I know. But have a little faith in me. Have I steered you wrong yet?”

Aziraphale let out a deep breath. “No, you haven’t.”

They finally pulled up in front of a large ornate building. Aziraphale peered out the window and frowned. “Is this it? I admit I thought we would be doing something outside, seeing as you said I should dress warmly.”

Crowley gave him a devious smirk. “Oh, you’ll see.”

And he did see as soon as they stepped through the front doors.

“Oh, Crowley, no! I don’t know how to ice skate!”

Crowley smirked over his shoulder as he walked towards the rental booth. “It’s a good thing I do then.”

Aziraphale bit his lip as he followed him towards the rink. He had only set foot onto the ice once, when he was in his early twenties, and the results had been disastrous. He sat on the bench and watched as Crowley laced up his own skates.

“Crowley, I don’t know about this. I’m truly dreadful at this sort of thing. Maybe I’ll just watch you.”

Crowley let out a snort. “Aziraphale, I didn’t plan out this date so that I could ice skate on my own. Come on, I’ll help you.”

So Crowley helped him fit into his skates and then laced them up with long, elegant fingers. When Aziraphale stood he was wobbly and couldn’t help but feel like a newborn fawn. But Crowley took his hands and led him carefully to the edge of the rink. Aziraphale stopped there, staring wide eyed down at the sleek ice. Oh, this was going to go terribly. He was going to fall, or run into someone else, or make himself look like a complete idiot in some way or another. Just as he was about to fall into a full-blown panic attack, he felt Crowley gently squeeze his hands and looked up at him.

“Angel, I promise I won’t let you fall. Trust me, ok?”

Aziraphale took a deep, shaky breath, then nodded. He put one skate onto the ice and then the other. He immediately began to wobble, but Crowley’s hands remained firmly in his as he began to guide him. They stayed along the wall where mostly children clung, but Crowley didn’t laugh or mock him once. Aziraphale moved one skate and then the other. He was aware that they were moving at a snails pace, but Crowley didn’t get annoyed or seem bothered at all. Instead he smiled encouragingly.

“That’s it angel! You’re doing great.”

Aziraphale unclenched his jaw. “My dear, there are five-year-old’s who are doing better than I am.”

“And I’m sure those five-year old’s have been practicing all year. Now stop comparing yourself to others. _You _are doing great.”

Aziraphale let out a shaky breath and nodded. It was clear that Crowley was very adept at this. He glided backwards without even looking where he was going. After a while, Aziraphale felt like he was getting the hang of it.

“Al-alright. I think I can do it on my own now.”

Crowley nodded and smiled. “Ok. Go for it.”

He let go, and for several glorious moments Aziraphale continued his momentum forward.

“Oh, look Crowley! I’m doing it!”

Crowley cheered. “There you go angel! You got it!”

But a moment later Aziraphale felt a shaky lurch as he lost his footing. Crowley noticed a moment too late and reached for him, but Aziraphale was already going down and dragged Crowley with him. They fell in a heap, with Aziraphale on his back and Crowley pressed to his chest.

“Angel! Are you alright?”

Aziraphale blinked up at Crowley, and then burst into laughter. Seeing that Aziraphale was ok, Crowley also began to laugh.

Aziraphale shook his head. “Well, that went down like a lead balloon.”

“Nah,” Crowley smirked. “It went about as well as I expected.”

Aziraphale’s mouth fell open in mock outrage. “And you still let me go?”

“Well you would never learn if I didn’t.”

It was at that moment that Aziraphale realized that Crowley was still lying atop him in the middle of a busy skating rink and people were staring as they skated past. Crowley seemed to realize the same thing as he coughed and pushed himself up. He then helped Aziraphale stand.

“Well, I think I’ll stick to the wall for a bit. Practice standing on my own.”

“You sure? Do you mind if I go around a few times on my own then?”

Aziraphale smiled warmly at him. “Not at all dear. Go for it.”

Crowley winked and then turned and skated away at a pace Aziraphale could only ever hope to match. Aziraphale did in fact stay close to the wall, guiding himself slowly around the rink. Though he had to admit, he was going slower than he could be thanks to a distraction in the form of a tall ginger.

Crowley glided around the ice like he was born for it. He wove in between other skaters with the ease of a professional, his hips swaying and his long limbs waving with the elegance of a dancer. He was beautiful. Every time he would go by, he would cast him a wink. It was a silly thing, but it made Aziraphale blush each time. He so wished he could keep up with him, but he just went too fast for him…

After going a few rounds around the rink, Crowley rejoined him.

“Having fun angel?”

“Oh yes, though it mostly has to do with watching you.”

A pretty blush crept up Crowley’s neck, and Aziraphale had the wild notion of leaning forward right then and there to taste the warmth of his skin. Of course, he didn’t do that. They were in public after all.

Crowley blinked a few times, seeming to regain his composure. “Right, so, are you ready to go?”

Aziraphale frowned in confusion. “Already? We’ve only been here an hour. I thought perhaps our date could last longer.”

Crowley rolled his eyes. “The date isn’t over. We’re just going to move on to the next phase of it.”

This made Aziraphale perk up. “Oh? Well, alright then.”

He let Crowley help him off the ice and they both helped each other get their skates off. As they made their way to the car, Aziraphale peeked over at Crowley.

“So, where are we heading now?”

Crowley smirked. “Oh no, you’re not getting that out of me. You’ll just have to wait an be surprised.”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “Will me knowing really spoil the surprise that much?”

“Of course it will! The surprise is half the fun.”

“I don’t like surprises,” Aziraphale grumbled under his breath.

Crowley threw an arm around his shoulder, pulling him close as they reached the car. “Relax angel. I’m not going to do anything you don’t like. Trust me, alright?”

Aziraphale blinked up at him with wide eyes, their faces now only inches apart. He felt breathless as he answered. “I do trust you.”

The truth of that was like a shock to his system. He trusted Crowley completely. He didn’t trust easily, he could count the number of people he did on one hand, and yet he found that Crowley was on that list. He wanted to lean forward and kiss him, but then Crowley was pulling away to open his door. Aziraphale swallowed and slid into his seat. His head felt muddled and foggy, his thoughts whipping around like a whirlwind.

They drove in silence for a while, darkness descending around them. Aziraphale peered out the window at the night sky, resting his forehead against the cold glass. He heard a sigh and looked over to see Crowley watching him, a small smile on his face.

“What?”

Crowley chuckled. “Oh, nothing.”

Aziraphale lifted an eyebrow and sat up. “Clearly it’s something.”

Long finger flexed on the steering wheel as Crowley looked straight ahead. “It’s just… you’re really fucking beautiful.”

Aziraphale’s breath caught in his throat. He had been called many things in his life, but beautiful was not one of them. He was soft, and stuffy, and perhaps handsome in a professor type way, but never beautiful.

“I think perhaps you hit your head when we fell,” Aziraphale chuckled, trying to make a joke of it.

But when Crowley finally turned his eyes back to him, he was completely serious. “Nah, I’ve thought it from the first moment I saw you.”

Aziraphale wasn’t sure why he suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to cry. He felt like Crowley was slowly scaping away at a protective exoskeleton that Aziraphale had spent so long building, and it left him vulnerable and frightened. Crowley looked away first, refocusing his eyes on the road. Aziraphale wanted to shake his head. If anyone was beautiful, surely it was Crowley. Even in the dark cabin of the Bentley, the sharp cut of his nose and angular jaw looked like they had been crafted by expert hands. He had been made with purpose in the image of the sun. And, God, he wanted to touch him. So, with every ounce of bravery he possessed, he did.

His hand moved slowly across the distance between them, as though if he moved too fast his resolve would break. When his fingers made contact with the side of his sharp cheek, Crowley jumped like he had been shocked. His eyes darted over to him, pupils blown wide and his lips parted slightly.

“Crowley.”

“Hmm?”

“Pull the car over.”

He saw his throat bob up and down as he swallowed. But a moment later he did just that, pulling onto the side of the dirt road that they had been driving down. Crowley put the car into park.

“Angel, is everything ok?” Crowley looked a bit concerned, and Aziraphale could imagine why.

He surged across the gap between them in an instant, his hands gripping at Crowley’s collar to drag him closer. Crowley was frozen for only a moment, but then he was moving as well, just as much urgency in his motions. His hand wrapped around the back of Aziraphale’s head and dug into his curls. His mouth parted as Aziraphale ran his tongue hungrily across Crowley’s lips.

This wasn’t the delicate kiss they had shared in the kitchen. This was all the passion and fire and lust that had been eating him up for months. And Lord, had the wait been worth it. He slid both of his hands into Crowley’s hair, the texture just as soft as he remembered it. A deep moan escaped Crowley’s lips when he tugged on it, and oh that was interesting. The tightening in his pants proved it.

The sudden sharp bite of Crowley’s teeth against his lip made Aziraphale whimpered. He slid one hand from Crowley’s hair to rest on his thigh, and his eyes snapped open when he felt just how enthused Crowley was for him as well. He was, well, not small. Not that he had thought he would be, but now that he could feel the bulge beneath his hand, it sent a shiver of anticipation through him. And oh, he wanted to hear Crowley moan again. He pressed against his erection, rubbing his hand up and down against fabric of his jeans.

Crowley broke away from the kiss with a stuttered breath. “Jesus Christ, Aziraphale. What are you trying to do to me?”

Aziraphale raised an eyebrow, a smirk playing on his lips. “Well my dear, I thought that was rather obvious.”

Crowley chuckled and shook his head. “You are a bit of a bastard, you know that?”

“Mmm, I’ve been told.”

He dug his hand back into Crowley’s hair and pulled him forward. His teeth scraped along the side of his neck, eliciting a full body shiver. He began to kiss and suck his way down his neck until he reached his collar bone. As he did this, he allowed his other hand to continue its ministrations on the ever-hardening bulge in Crowley’s pants. He slid his hand up to the button. Just as he was about to pop it open and begin the real work he wanted, a sharp rap on the window had him flying back against his seat. Crowley also jumped, knocking his head on the roof of the car. A flashlight shined in at them and there was another knock. Aziraphale could see that it was a police officer.

Crowley straightened up and rolled the window down. “Hello, officer.”

“Evening gentlemen. It looked as though there was possibly a situation of distress. Is everything alright?” His eyes were sliding back and forth between the two of them. The deep set between his brows told Aziraphale he knew what they had been doing.

He cleared his throat. “Ah, yes, everything is fine sir. We were just… talking.”

The mans eyes raked over him, and then back to Crowley. “Are you aware that soliciting sex in a public place is illegal?”

Aziraphale’s eyes widened, but Crowley only smirked wider. “Well then, officer, it’s a good thing that’s not what’s happening here. I was just taking my boyfriend out on a date.”

His eyes narrowed. “At night? Out here in the country?”

“Yep. Was heading for a picnic under the stars when I had a bit of a coughing fit and had to pull over. Better safe than sorry, eh? You’ll find the picnic basket in the boot.”

The officer looked once more between the two of them, then grimaced. “You better be heading back to where you came from.”

Crowley gave a salute, and Aziraphale wanted to smack him. But the officer was already walking away to his own car. Aziraphale finally let out a breath and relaxed against the seat. Crowley put the car into drive and turned around on the road, driving back to the city. The officer drove behind them for a while, but eventually turned off down another road.

Aziraphale looked at Crowley. “Was that really where we were going? A picnic?”

Crowley nodded. “Thought you would like it.”

“Well, you were right.”

Eventually they pulled up in front of Aziraphale’s shop. Crowley let out a huff.

“Well, so much for a big romantic evening. I suppose I’ll see you later?”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows. “My dear, what are you talking about?”

Crowley shrugged. “I mean, I can call you tomorrow. Or I can stop by. Whichever works for you.”

Aziraphale tilted his head. “And whatever gave you the idea that I was done with you for the night?”

Crowley’s eyes went wide. “Er, ngk, what?”

Aziraphale hummed and slid his hand into Crowley’s. “If you think an interruption from local law enforcement will stop me from tasting every inch of you, you are quite mistaken.”

Crowley’s jaw had gone slack, and the sight of his open mouth had all sorts of ideas running through Aziraphale’s head.

“My dear, would you like to come inside?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is a thing. Sorry for the delay, the next chapter should be up much sooner! Your wonderful comments give me life and make my day, so let me know what you think!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO glad you all liked the last chapter, and that you all continue to be so supportive of this fic. For a fic about an escort, there has been surprisingly little sex. That changes in this chapter.

Crowley was finding it difficult to not stumble as he followed Aziraphale up the steps to the shop. This was it. Aziraphale was finally ready to take this to the next level, and Crowley was suddenly unsure if he would be able to handle it.

Aziraphale unlocked the door and stepped through, moving back so Crowley could follow him in. The moment the door closed, Aziraphale was on him. Well-manicured hands grasped at his collar and pull his mouth to his, their breath mingling as his tongue slid across his lips. Crowley groaned into the kiss, his mind going a bit fuzzy.

This wasn’t about the sex. Not really. Sex was a common occurrence in his life that often meant nothing. This was Aziraphale. This did mean something, even if Crowley couldn’t be entirely sure what that was. What did it mean that Aziraphale had decided he was tired of waiting?

Aziraphale moved his mouth from his lips and began to kiss a trail down to his neck, stopping at his pulse to suck a mark Crowley knew would be on his skin for days. He moaned and leaned into it. He wanted this to last, to remember every moment and to imbed the feeling of Aziraphale’s skin into his mind. His eyes flew open when he felt Aziraphale unzip his pants and begin an attempt to slide them down.

“Whoa, whoa, slow down Angel. What’s the hurry?”

Aziraphale looked up at him and there was something like desperation in his eyes. “I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of being afraid. I want this, I want you. I don’t-“ He broke off, fear flashing in his eyes. “I don’t want you to change your mind.”

Crowley felt like his heart was going to break in two. His poor, silly angel. He cupped his hands around Aziraphale’s face and smiled as reassuringly as he could.

“Angel, that’s not possible. I want this. I want you. We can go as slow as you like, I’m not going anywhere.”

Aziraphale seemed to melt into his touch, closing his eyes and leaning forward. “How do you always know the right thing to say?”

“Hmm, guess it’s just my talent with words.”

“Indeed.”

Crowley pressed a kiss to his nose. “Now, even though I would love to bend you over that desk and fuck you until couldn’t walk, I think the bedroom might be best. What do you say?”

Aziraphale’s eyes widened and he let out a shuttering breath, then nodded. Taking Crowley’s hand in his own he turned and led him up the stairs to the flat. Though Crowley was doing a good job at seeming like he was calm and put together, he felt as though he might shake apart at any moment. This was a big deal, for him and for Aziraphale. And as he watched Aziraphale flick on the light beside his bed, he found that he needed Aziraphale to know that. This wasn’t a job. This was love.

Aziraphale turned nervously, twisting his hands. “We can leave the light off if you like.”

Crowley walked to him slowly, watching as Aziraphale’s eyes widened and he swallowed. He hooked both of his index fingers into the collar of his shirt.

“Don’t you dare. I want to see every bit of you. I want to watch as you come apart, all because of me.”

Aziraphale made a sound that sounded like a sob, and then he was kissing him viciously again. Crowley allowed himself to be pulled forward. Aziraphale flopped back onto the bed and then wriggled back, leaving space between his knees for Crowley to kneel. He took a moment to stare down at him, laid out and vulnerable before him. So beautiful Michelangelo would have wept to have the opportunity to paint him. Crowley felt, in that moment, wholly unworthy to touch such an angel. But Aziraphale was looking up at him with such hopefulness that Crowley knew he could deny him nothing.

“Crowley,” Aziraphale said quietly, “Are you going to just stare at me all night, or are you going take those clothes off?”

Crowley smirked. “Hmm, jury’s still out on that.”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “Bastard.”

He gripped his shirt and pulled him down for a kiss, then slid his hand beneath the soft cotton and tugged it over his head. Now that Crowley was shirtless, it was Aziraphale’s turn to stare.

“Dear God, how are you real?”

Crowley snorted. “I’m nothing special.”

Crowley’s eyes snapped up to meet Aziraphale’s when he felt the soft touch on his cheek. The look in Aziraphale’s eyes was so tender and kind that Crowley had to look away after a moment.

“My dear, you are the most special person I have ever met.” He sat up so that Crowley was now sitting in his lap. He pressed a kiss to his cheek. “You are kind.” A kiss to his nose. “You are gentle.” A kiss to his chin. “You are beautiful.” A kiss to his chest. “You are smart.” A kiss to his lips. “You are perfect.”

Crowley had squeezed his eyes shut in a feeble attempt to stop the emotion from pouring out of him.

“Crowley, look at me.”

He sighed. Could deny him nothing, indeed. He opened his eyes. Aziraphale’s face was only inches away.

“Crowley, I…” He bit his lip, suddenly looking afraid. “Oh, I don’t want to ruin this but there’s something I need to say.”

Crowley swallowed. Was this the part where Aziraphale told him he wasn’t good enough for him? “What is it angel?”

He took a deep breath. “I don’t want to pay you anymore.”

Crowley felt a stab to his chest. He had been right. He was done with him. He swallowed and nodded. “Right. Ok. I can leave then, if you like.”

Aziraphale grabbed his hand to keep him in place. “No, my dear that isn’t what I meant. But, oh dear, I knew this would ruin everything. But I needed you to know before I took this to the next step. But, ah, I can see now how silly that is.” He looked down at their entwined hands, biting his lip. “It’s just, I care for you. And my feelings for you go far deeper than physically. I know that I sound absolutely ridiculous. I’m under no illusion that you are here for any reason besides the money, but I still needed to tell you. If you wish to leave and not see me again, then of course you may do that now.”

Crowley’s mouth had fallen open as Aziraphale had spoken. He wanted him, for real? He wanted to be in a real relationship? With him? When he found his voice, it came out hoarse.

“But, what about control? I thought that was the whole point?”

Aziraphale wrung his hands. “Oh, it was. But I just didn’t expect you to be so… well, you! So wonderful. But please understand that I don’t expect anything from you.”

Aziraphale looked down, the soft skin beneath his chin squishing up. A slow smile crept onto Crowley’s face. God, he loved this silly angel. He took his chin and lifted it so that he was looking at him.

“Angel, I don’t want to take your money anymore either. I was only keeping this up because I thought it was what you wanted.” He rubbed his thumb against his jaw. “If you’ll have me, I would very much like to be your boyfriend.”

Aziraphale’s mouth fell open. “Really?”

Crowley rolled his eyes. “Yes, really.”

“But, why? Why me?”

Crowley smiled and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Because you are kind.” A kiss to his cheek. “Because you are funny.” A kiss to his nose. “Because you are brilliant.” A kiss to his neck. “Because you are sexy.” A kiss to his lips. “Because you’re a bit of a bastard.”

Aziraphale broke out into laughter. “You like that about me, hmm?”

“Mhmm, very attractive. Really gets my blood going when you get fussy and bossy.”

A sly look crossed Aziraphale’s face. “Hmm, well in that case. Take off your jeans and lie on the bed.”

Crowley swallowed hard and leapt off the bed, eager to follow his directions. He undid the button and pushed them down to his ankles. He had to wiggle a bit to get them all the way off. Once they were kicked off, he began to pull off his underpants, but Aziraphale stopped him.

“Not those, not yet dear. I think I want something to unwrap for myself.”

Crowley let out a low groan, then climbed onto the bed. He laid with his head on the pillows and his hands over his head. He watched as Aziraphale climbed off the bed. He started with his bow tie, pulling it loose and dropping it to the floor. Next came the cuff links, set gently on the nightstand. His hands went to the buttons of his shirt, moving down slowly, one by one. He maintained eye contact the whole time. Crowley was achingly hard and already leaking a wet spot onto his black underpants. He had been right, Aziraphale did go slow. It was maddeningly sexy, the anticipation.

Once his shirt was off and he was bare chested, he moved onto his belt. Crowley squirmed and sat up.

“Here, let me-“

“My dear, if you don’t lie back down right where I said, I will have to restrain you.”

Crowley’s entire body quivered, and he let out a whimper. Part of him wanted to disobey, just to see what he would do. But no, he would follow Aziraphale’s rules for now.

Aziraphale slid his belt off in one fluid movement, the speed making it snap against itself. The sound made Crowley’s cock twitch. He never let customers get too rough, for fear of safety, but Aziraphale was not a customer. Not anymore. And God he wanted him to tie him down and use that belt on him. Aziraphale seemed to notice.

“My dear, you are squirming an awful lot. Do I need to restrain you?”

Crowley bit his lip, then nodded. Aziraphale smiled and walked to the head of the bed where Crowley’s hands rested.

“Wrists together.”

Crowley obliged eagerly. Aziraphale wrapped the soft leather around him and pulled it tight, until Crowley would not be able to easily slide out. He twisted it back in on itself and looped it so that he it would not come undone. Standing beside him, he ran his hand slowly down his chest, sliding his fingers through the auburn hair at his navel and down further to the tent he had made of his underwear. With the most delicate touch, he slid his hand up the shaft and rubbed it over the head.

“My, you’ve simply soaked yourself. Would you like me to touch you?”

“Yes,” Crowley gasped out.

“Hmm.” Aziraphale smiled and stepped away.

Crowley couldn’t help the whine he let out.

“Oh, so very needy, aren’t you? Alright.”

Aziraphale slid his slacks off and tossed them away, then hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his underwear and pulled them off as well. He was completely erect, his cock thick and perfect.

“God, Angel, you’re so fucking hot. Please, I’m begging you, get over here.”

Aziraphale did, climbing onto the bed and settling himself between Crowley’s legs. He practically purred as he ran his fingertips over the damp spot. Crowley ground his hips up, looking for some friction.

“You’re so beautiful like this, my dear. So open and needy. I love it.”

Crowley shuddered a gasp and closed his eyes. He hadn’t said he loved him. He hadn’t. And yet his heart was suddenly beating twice as fast. He opened his eyes again and saw Aziraphale watching him. Then he moved his hips forward, the head of his cock sliding against his own. They both moaned.

“I want to see you Crowley. Would you like it if I took these off?”

Crowley nodded eagerly. Aziraphale grabbed both sides and pulled them off in one fluid movement, tossing them to the floor. Aziraphale’s eyelashes fluttered as he took in the full sight of Crowley, his cock flushed pink and already dripping with precum. Aziraphale looked up once more, meeting his eye, then he dove down.

Gripping the base, he ran his tongue all the way up the silky underside then swirled it around the head. Crowley cried out and bucked up. He hadn’t received a blowjob in years. The men he saw were always takers. Aziraphale seemed to be very much a giver. His blue eyes held his amber ones as he closed his mouth around him and slid down, taking him all the way into the back of his throat.

“Fuck, Aziraphale, fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Aziraphale slid off with an obscene pop. “Yes, my dear, that’s what I’m trying to do.”

Despite feeling overwhelmed, Crowley laughed. “You’re such a dork.”

Aziraphale only smiled, then went back to his task. As he took him into his mouth once more, he swirled tongue and sucked hard, hallowing his cheek. Crowley arched his back and pressed his bound hands against the headboard.

“God, Aziraphale, you’re so, ah! So, so, so good at that. Fuck.”

Aziraphale pulled off and gave one last lick to the slit. Crowley was normally very good at lasting a long time, but now after only a few minutes of Aziraphale giving him head he felt like he was on the edge. But he wouldn’t come, not yet. Not without Aziraphale.

Aziraphale pressed a kiss to his hip bone, then looked up at him. “My dear, I think I would like to fuck you now.”

“Fuck, yes Aziraphale.”

Aziraphale pulled a bottle of lube and a condom out from the drawer beside his bed and slicked his fingers. He began to work him open, sliding one finger in and making sure he was loosened up before adding another. Crowley bit his lip and spread his legs, desperate to get to the part where Aziraphale was inside him. Once a third finger was added and Crowley was slick and open, Crowley moaned out Aziraphale’s name.

“Ok, angel, that’s good. I’m ready.”

Aziraphale chuckled. “You eager thing. Alright.”

He pulled his fingers out and sat up, moving forward until his cock was pressed to his opening. He slipped on the condom and used the remaining lube on his fingers slick himself, moaning at finally getting the pressure he had been craving.

“_Aziraphale.”_

“Ah, right. Sorry, dear.”

He slid in slowly, making sure Crowley was comfortable every inch of the way, until he was fully in. They both let out simultaneous moans. Crowley clamped his legs around Aziraphale waist. Aziraphale began to rock his hips, his eyes trained on the space between them as he slid in and out.

“Oh, my dear, you take me so well. Look at you, so beautiful and willing. Ah, so lovely.”

Crowley was aware of the high pitched whines that were escaping his lips, but he could do nothing to stop it.

“Aziraphale, please…”

“Yes, Crowley, anything for you, anything. What do you want?”

“Touch me, please, touch me.”

Crowley thought that he would tease him again, but instead Aziraphale did as he asked and wrapped his hand around his cock. He began to stroke in time with his thrusts, using his thumb to give extra attention to the head. Crowley gripped the mattress behind his head. He wasn’t going to last.

“Aziraphale, I- I’m gonna, I can’t-“

“Yes love, that’s it. Come for me. Let me see you fall over the edge. Come for me, love.”

It was that word, above everything else, that made him lose it. He came in hot streaks, covering his chest and Aziraphale’s hand. Aziraphale lasted only a second more, coming inside the condom. He slumped forward, resting on his elbows over him and breathing heavily. He slid out slowly, then looked up at him. Crowley couldn’t fight the dopey smile he knew was plastered on his face.

“You’re incredible, angel.”

He leaned up and pressed a kiss to his lips. “So are you, dearest. Here, let me clean you up.”

Despite Crowley’s sounds of protest, Aziraphale climbed out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. He returned a moment later with a washcloth. Before he cleaned him, however, her reached up and undid the belt. He tossed it onto the floor to join the rest of the clothes, then proceeded to clean every inch of Crowley body. It left him feeling even more open and vulnerable than the sex had. Nobody ever did this for him. This was his job. He felt like a newborn kitten, being cleaned and attended to so thoroughly. Aziraphale wore a gentle smile the whole time, his eyes repeatedly flicking up to meet his. Once he finished, he climbed back into bed and snuggled up against him. Crowley wrapped his arms around him, tucking his chin over his soft curls.

Aziraphale sighed. “That was better than I imagined.”

Crowley chuckled. “Have you imagined it often?”

Aziraphale hummed and nodded. “Yes, ever since I first saw you. How could I not, with you looking the way you do?”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’ve been the same. Haven’t been able to get the thought of your body out of my head.”

Aziraphale looked up, his eyes widening in surprise. “Really?”

“Mhmm.”

“Why?”

Crowley glared at him. “I thought I already made that point.”

Aziraphale bit his lip and rested his head on Crowley’s chest. “I suppose I just don’t see it.”

“Well, I’ll have to work on making it more clear to you.”

Aziraphale was silent for several minutes. “Did you mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“That you want this? You want me back? For real?”

Crowley nodded. “I do. I’ve wanted it for a while, I just didn’t know how to bring it up. I was afraid I would scare you away.”

Aziraphale tightened his arms around him and looked up. “For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel afraid. You make me better. I wish I could have met you years ago.”

Crowley traced gentle patterns across his back and smiled. “Well, we’ll just have to make up for lost time, hmm? We aren’t that old.”

A chuckled rocked Aziraphale’s body. “Speak for yourself. We can’t all be spry demons.”

“No, just soft angels.”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes, then frowned. “Does it bother you? Me being soft.”

As an answer, Crowley rolled him onto his back. “Hmm, let me think.” He pressed a kiss to his neck, then to his shoulder, then to his chest. “Does it bother me?” He ran his hands over the soft skin of his stomach, leaving kisses as he went. Aziraphale began to giggle. Ah, so he was ticklish. He pressed a kiss to the soft flesh over his rib and smirked up at him as he laughed and tried to squirm away. “No, angel, it doesn’t bother me. I love it. I love all of your body. It’s perfect.”

Aziraphale’s eyes softened. “What on Earth did I do to deserve you?”

Crowley settled back down, now wrapping himself around him. “Whatever we did, it must have been good.”

“So, we’re going to do this? We’re going to be together?”

Crowley nodded. “If that’s what you want.”

“It is.”

“Good, me too.”

Aziraphale smiled. “You might get tired of me.”

Crowley raised a challenging eyebrow. “Do your worst.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These boys still have so many issues they are going to have to work through, but they have finally gotten to this stage. I hope you liked this chapter.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally a new chapter! As I am trapped inside, there will be several more quick updates within the next week.

Aziraphale awoke slowly, blinking against the muted light streaming in through his curtains. He rolled over and felt something warm beside him. His eyes snapped open. Last night came flooding back to him. Crowley. He lifted his head and was surprised to see two amber eyes regarding him with amusement.

“Morning. Sleep well?”

Aziraphale smiled and sat up. “Yes, actually. Better than I have for a while.”

“Hmm, and what would have caused such a wonderful sleep?”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes as he began to climb out of bed. “Yes, yes, you’re a very skilled lover.”

Before he could get far, however, a strong arm wrapped around his midsection and dragged him back to bed.

“Oh! What are you doing, you wily demon? I need to open the shop.”

Crowley pressed his face into the crook of his neck. “Close for the day.”

Aziraphale chuckled. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not.”

“Well, because…” Honestly, he didn’t have a good answer for that. Perhaps he could go just one day… “Hmm, very well. Temptation accomplished.”

The pleased smirk he got was an excellent reward. “Good. Well then, if you won’t be opening, perhaps I could also tempt you to something else…”

Aziraphale didn’t actually manage to leave the bedroom for another two hours. When he did emerge into his living room, he felt lighter than he had in a very long time. Crowley liked him. And not just for the money. He had feelings for him, and he didn’t want to take his money. A part of his mind was screaming that this was a bad idea. He had told himself so many times that he wouldn’t put his heart on the line again. But Crowley was different. He wouldn’t hurt him.

_‘You’ve thought that before,’ _whispered his mind.

He shook his head. No. He trusted Crowley. He wanted this. For once, he had to let himself be happy. Panicking about that would do him no good. But he and Crowley did need to talk about this.

That’s why thirty minutes later, when Crowley emerged from the bathroom with his hair still dripping from his shower, Aziraphale had set out a breakfast for them. It was always better to have these sorts of discussions on a full stomach.

“You went all out, didn’t you angel?” Crowley said with a smirk, eyeing the eggs and toast that was accentuated with bowls of fruit.

“Yes, well, there’s nothing like a good breakfast.”

Crowley slid into the seat across from him, pulling his cup of coffee closer. “If you say so. I’m usually content with just this.”

Aziraphale began to dig into his breakfast, but his nerves were making his stomach twist in uncomfortable ways. He ate slowly, chewing each bite and forcing it down. Crowley seemed to notice, as he set down his cup.

“Angel, are you alright? You look like you’re going to be sick.”

“Hmm? Oh, yes, I’m quite alright. It’s just that, well, after what was said last night, I think we have some things we need to talk about.”

Crowley raised an eyebrow and leaned back. “About what?”

“Well, about us. I know you said as much last night, but I wanted to confirm with you, you do actually want to be with me? As in a relationship, and not a client.”

Crowley nodded. “Yes, angel, I do.”

Aziraphale smiled shyly. He still couldn’t fully believe or comprehend that. Crowley had said such kind things about him, but it would take him some time to come to terms with it.

“Ok, excellent. Then, I think we should talk about your job.”

Crowley went a bit still, his eyes focusing on his coffee mug. “You want me to quit.” He didn’t state it as a question.

“Oh, no! Well, not exactly. It’s your job, and I would never want to control you like that my dear.”

Crowley gave him an incredulous look. “So, you wouldn’t mind if your boyfriend slept with other men for money?”

Aziraphale fidgeted in his seat. “Truthfully, it will be a difficult pill to swallow. I can’t promise that I won’t get jealous or upset sometimes. But I care about you and I want you to be happy, so I will do my best to get over it.”

He knew that it wouldn’t be quite that simple, but he had to try. If that was the price he had to pay to keep such an incredible man, he would pay it.

“You know angel, it’s just a job when I see clients. Just a transaction.”

_‘And what about me? That’s all this started as, and look at us now’ _

He bit his tongue and shook that thought away.

“Yes dear, I know that. I think as long as you are truthful with me, we won’t have any problems.”

Crowley was tapping one finger slowly on the rim of his mug. “Angel, you know, I haven’t had another client since before the Halloween party.”

Aziraphale nearly choked on his toasts. “What? Halloween? But that was nearly a month ago!”

Crowley was looking at him sheepishly. “Yeah, I am aware of that.”

“But…” Aziraphale frowned, trying to understand, “Why?”

“Well, it’s just that… I don’t know! It was at that time that I realized the way I felt about you. I haven’t had a real relationship for the entire time I’ve been doing this, so I wasn’t sure how I wanted to proceed. I tried a couple of times, but every time I thought about going out with another guy it just felt wrong. The only one I wanted to sleep with was you. It didn’t feel fair to anyone.”

Aziraphale blinked slowly, trying to process what he said. He felt as though he couldn’t make sense of it.

“But… the money.”

Crowley shrugged. “I have pretty big nest egg saved away, and the money you were giving me was more than enough to keep up with the rest of my bills.”

“But if I’m not paying you anymore, how will you…” he trailed off, hoping Crowley could pick up what he was saying.

Crowley fidgeted. “Actually, I’ve been thinking about that. I want to go ahead with my plant shop. Well, it wouldn’t be a shop at first. I would have to open a stall at the local market and work my way up. Maybe in a year or so I could have some actual real estate. Maybe I could even open up nearby, so that I could see you every day. But I think now is the perfect time for it don’t you?”

Aziraphale wasn’t sure if he would be able to speak, so instead he just nodded. Crowley wanted to make this change so they could be together more. He wanted to be exclusive with him. He had clearly put thought into this, into them. He was serious about it all. And now he was looking at him with an open and hopeful smile, like he trusted him completely. God, he loved him.

The thought rocked his entire mind. Love. He loved him. Too fast. He was going way too fast.

“That… that sounds wonderful my dear, if that’s what you really want. I’ll help you in whatever way I can. But you’re really sure? About me?”

A look passed over Crowley’s face. It stared as angry, then changed to frustrated, then finally settled on predatory.

“Aziraphale, I can clearly tell I have my work cut out proving just how badly I want you.”

He slid out of his chair and crawled forward until he was resting between Aziraphale’s knees. Aziraphale felt his pulse quicken at the absolutely erotic sight of Crowley on his knees in front of him. Reaching long fingers up, he gripped his knees and squeezed. Aziraphale shuddered and watched as Crowley gripped at the hem of his pajama pants and tugged them down to his ankles. He was already hard, and the proof was only inches from Crowley’s mouth. But rather than pay it any mind, Crowley moved his mouth to his thighs.

“I love these legs. They’re the sexiest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. First time I saw you, I imagined what it would be like to lick them all over, to bite them. Absolutely delicious.”

Aziraphale stuttered out a breath. “No, they’re-they’re fat- Ah!” He cried out as Crowley bit down into his thigh. The pain was just the right side of delicious.

Crowley smirked up at him as he licked over the mark. “That’ll be there for at least a few days. If you keep bad talking this incredible body, I’ll do it again.”

And oh God, Aziraphale wanted him to do it again. He wanted to be marked all over by him, for there to be proof that he was his. And he wanted to leave his own marks. They were each other’s. The thought made him feel high.

“I’m not that special.”

Crowley bit into his other thigh and Aziraphale let his head fall back. He was leaking a wet spot all over his underpants. When he looked back down Crowley was sucking gently on the mark.

“You like this, don’t you angel?”

Aziraphale nodded. “I like you.”

Crowley’s face softened and looked back at the already blooming marks. “You know, I’ve never been able to do this before. Nobody ever wanted me to leave marks, no proof that I had been there.”

“Frankly my dear, if I could walk around with a flashing sign that said I had fucked you, I would.”

Crowley’s eyes widened and a smile grew on his lips. “Well, that would incredibly hot. Maybe walk me around on leash?”

Aziraphale let out a bark of laughter. “A bit of an exhibitionist, are you?”

“Nah, I only want to be for you angel.”

And oh, if that didn’t make his heart ache. But he didn’t have much time to think about it before Crowley pulled his underpants down in one movement and took him into his mouth. It had been many years since he had received a blowjob. Gabriel had never given one, only demanded them, and he had forgotten how good it felt. The wet warmth of Crowley’s mouth was the closest he could imagine heaven being. Without thinking he reached out and dug his fingers into Crowley’s hair. The hum he let out sent a shiver through Aziraphale’s body.

“I’m sorry dear,” he said as he began to let go, but Crowley pulled off and shook his head.

“No, it’s ok. I like it. Do you… do you want to fuck my mouth.”

Aziraphale’s cock visibly twitched at those words. He had never done that before, but Crowley looked so eager.

“Well, if you want…”

“What I want, Aziraphale, is for you to feel good. If fucking my mouth will make you feel good, then I want you to.”

Aziraphale swallowed, then nodded. “Alright.”

He slid both hands into Crowley’s hair as he placed the tip of his cock in his mouth. He thrust forward slowly at first, sliding just halfway in. After a few thrusts he began to pick up pace. He gripped Crowley’s head and thrust all the way in, sliding into his throat. He kept up the pace, never taking his eyes off Crowley and the way he took him so willingly. He felt in control, which he knew had been Crowley’s goal. He loved him.

It didn’t take long for him finish, coming down Crowley’s throat. Finally, he let go of Crowley’s hair and Crowley let him slide out. Rather than move away, he pressed his cheek to his inner thigh and looked at him with his eyes half hooded. He was the most stunning person he had ever seen. Singular in his beauty. The type of person the most famous ballads and poems were written about, and somehow, he had been lucky enough to end up with him. He couldn’t believe his luck.

“Come here, dear.”

He pulled him up so that their faces were close and kissed him, slow and with as much passion as he could imagine. He wanted to make him understand, to make him see how precious he was to him.

“Will you spend the holidays with me this year?””

Crowley pulled away and smiled. “What, like caroling and making gingerbread houses?”

Aziraphale chuckled. “Something like that, yes.”

Crowley pretended to think about it. “I guess I can squeeze you into my full schedule.”

Aziraphale pulled him into another kiss and mumbled against his lips. “Monsters.”

Crowley winked. “Of course I’ll spend the holidays with you angel. That’s what couple’s do. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else.”

Aziraphale let out a sigh as Crowley rested his head against his chest. Perhaps for the first time in many years, he wouldn’t be sad on Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your continued support! I feel like we all need something nice and soft to read, I know I do, so the next couple chapters will be appropriately fluffy and sweet. I hope you guys liked this chapter! Your comments amazing and I reread them all to get that sweet serotonin.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is quite a bit longer than my other chapters, which is why it took longer. I've also been very distracted with all of the other awesome fics that have been posted these last few weeks, so I blame that for the delay as well. You all need to stop being so awesome!

Crowley changed his shirt for the eleventh time. This was getting ridiculous. It had been years since he had been to a real Christmas party, or Yule party as Anathema had put it. Crowley ripped off the green button up and threw it to the floor.

“For crying out loud, would you just pick something!”

Crowley glared at Bee’s reflection in the mirror. She was sprawled out behind him on his bed. Aziraphale had insisted that he bring a friend of his own this time. He thought it only fair that he get to know his friends as well as he knew his. Crowley was beginning to think it had been a horrible idea.

“I just want to look right.”

“You’ll look fine in whatever you wear. He’s seen you naked, yes? Well then I doubt he will care.”

“This isn’t like one of our parties, Bee. Aziraphale’s friends are-“

“What, boring? Judgmental? Stuck up assholes?”

“No!” He wasn’t going to mention Shadwell. “They’re nice, actually. But they’re not like us.” He sighed and wound his hands into his hair. “I just want to be good enough for him.”

The feeling of something smacking him in the back of the head made him cry out. He spun around to see Bee had taken her boot off and thrown it at him. “What the hell was that for?”

“Stop with that self-loathing bullshit.”

“I’m sorry! It’s just, he’s from an upper class family and-“

“I don’t give a fuck if he was born in Windsor fucking Palace. He’s not better than us, and neither are his friends. If they judge you or make you feel less than them then they don’t deserve you.”

“But he doesn’t! He never makes me feel bad about myself or my past.” Crowley chewed his lip. “He likes who I am.”

“Well then,” Bee said as she climbed off the bed, “I don’t think he’ll care what shade of red your shirt is. Just pick one, or we’re going to be late.”

He watched as she left the room and let out a deep breath. He knew she was right. It had been weeks since they had made things official, and it had been going great. It had all been so normal. They went on dates and held hands and kissed, only now it was all real. There was no barrier between them. Aziraphale was his boyfriend. The only problem was that it had been nearly seven years since he had been in a real relationship. And now he was sure he was going to fuck it up. How could he not?

When Aziraphale had been paying him for his company, there had been a cushion to fall back on. Plausible deniability. He could tell himself that it wasn’t real, that there were no strings attached, that it meant nothing. He couldn’t do that now. He had already admitted to himself how he felt. He was in love with Aziraphale, and it was very likely that Aziraphale didn’t feel the same. Not yet, at least, he told himself. It was too fast. They had only been officially dating for real for a few weeks. He pressed his palms to his eyes and inhaled.

They hadn’t had sex again. It seemed Aziraphale was still very much on his mission to keep things slow, which was all for the better. Or at least, it’s what Crowley told himself. It didn’t stop him from watching Aziraphale hungrily, from desperately wanting to reach out and rip off that waistcoat. And that was the problem. He wanted. He wanted everything. He wanted Aziraphale’s body, his mind, his time, his… his love. He wanted him in every possible way. But he couldn’t say that. It would scare him away, and he could lose him forever. And that would be unbearable.

At least Aziraphale did seem to want to have sex again. They had both gotten tested, to make sure it was safe, and the results had just gotten back two days ago. A clean bill for both of them. But sex was just one small factor in the equation.

The truth was, he was scared. Sex was easy, but feelings. He didn’t know what to do with it. Love had never come easily to him, and when he did feel it, he clung on to it. What if he was miscalculating and Aziraphale didn’t feel the same at all? If this was just casual for him? He could throw him away at any time, if he got bored or tired of him hanging around. He hated this. This feeling of not being in control of what happened to himself. He could hear it now.

_Oh, my dear boy, this wasn’t anything serious. Just needed a bit of company to get me through the holidays. What, did you think this was more? That I _loved _you? Oh dear, I’m terribly sorry for the miscommunication. Off you pop now. I have my whole life to get on with. _

Crowley pulled his hands away from his eyes. He had to stop this. That wasn’t how it was going to go. Aziraphale wasn’t cruel. And even if he ended up not feeling the same, Crowley would be fine. Bee was right, they were just as good as them. After one more hard look in the mirror, he grabbed his best red cashmere sweater and pulled it on. He had pulled the sides of his hair back and with Bee’s help had even drawn a bit of black eyeliner along the edges, just to accentuate to gold of his eyes.

He walked out and found Bee perched on his desk, her eyes focused out the window. When she heard him approach, she turned to look at him and snorted.

“Yes, because that looks so different from the twenty other red shirts you tried on.”

Crowley glared. “Are you ready to go or not?”

She waved her hand towards the door. “Lead the way.”

Aziraphale had gone down to Tadfield the day before to help Anathema with setting up, so it would just be Crowley and Bee driving down to meet them. Bee was blessedly quiet on the drive, just the sound of Freddie Mercury to fill the void.

When they pulled up in front of the cottage, Bee stared out the window with a raised eyebrow.

“How very idyllic. Looks like a little old granny lives here.”

Crowley smirked. “I wouldn’t call Anathema old. I actually think you’ll like her. She’s a little bit witchy.”

They walked up the path to the cottage, which was lined with all sorts of colorful lights, and stopped on the front step. Nerves twisted in Crowley’s stomach. The last time he had been here he had had Aziraphale by his side to hold his hand. Now all he had was Bee, who was looking at him expectantly. He raised his fist and knock.

A second passed, and then the door flew open. They both angled their eyes down to look at the wavy-haired boy in front of them. Crowley vaguely remembered his name was Adam. His face lit up when he saw Crowley.

“Aziraphale’s boyfriend is here!” he called back into the house, making Crowley blush. “Hey Mr. Crowley!”

“Er, hey kid. And it’s just Crowley.”

Adam smiled, and it was a little unnerving. “Who’s she?”

Before either could answer, Aziraphale appeared behind him. His face was slightly flushed, as though he had been doing some sort of physical activity. He wore a red and green cable knit sweater. It should look ridiculous, but Crowley suddenly found his pulse quickening. God, he looked so soft, so warm. As soon as his eyes fell on Crowley, his whole face lit up.

“Oh, Crowley! I’m so glad you’re here!” He stepped forward and pressed a kiss to his lips that had Crowley’s knees going weak.

It took Bee clearing her throat for him to remember where he was. “Oh, sorry. Angel, this is Bee. Bee, Aziraphale.”

Aziraphale gave her his most beaming smile. “Oh, hello! Crowley has told me all about you. It’s so lovely to finally meet you!”

Bee raised an eyebrow. “Really? Has he told you _everything?_”

Aziraphale’s smile slipped slightly, but Crowley only elbowed her in the side. “Just ignore her. She’s a terror.”

Bee wiggled her eyebrows. “Terribly perfect, you mean.”

Crowley rolled his whole head. “Ugh. You better let us in, angel. Set her loose on someone else.”

As though realizing he was still standing in the doorway, Aziraphale gave a little start. “Oh, right! Please, come in.”

He stepped back and they both filed into the warm front entrance. Bee had gone for a decidedly non-Christmasy outfit, donning a sweater the featured a pentagram. The black jeans and fishnet socks added to the overall aesthetic. If Aziraphale found it at all odd, he didn’t mention it.

“Well, everyone is already gathered in the living room. There are drinks and snacks in the kitchen if you would like them.”

“I’ll grab some drinks,” Crowley offered. “I’m guessing something strong for you, Bee?”

She smirked. “Obviously.”

Crowley made his way into the kitchen while Aziraphale showed Bee the way into the living room. Crowley poured two cups of eggnog and grabbed the bottle of rum on the counter to pour some extra into Bee’s cup. He turned, prepared to make his way into the living room, but stopped. Aziraphale was standing in the doorway, one hand on the frame, and his eyes were moving hungrily over Crowley’s body. If he didn’t know better, he would say Aziraphale looked predatory. He swallowed.

“You ok, angel?”

“Mmm.” His eyes moved up his chest and to his face. “Tell me, my dear, are you trying to be purposely tempting?”

A grin spread over Crowley’s face as he leaned back against the counter. “Am I tempting you?”

“Well, you’re always tempting me my dear. But I admit, at the moment I’m having a hard time not dragging you into the bathroom and fucking you right then and there.”

“Ngk.” Crowley felt himself grow hard in his pants. The thought of Aziraphale pressing him into a small space and having his way with him with making him feel lightheaded. “Nobodies stopping you, especially not me.”

Aziraphale’s eyes lingered on him for a moment more before he sighed and shook his head. “I don’t think Anathema would be very pleased with us. Besides, we can’t leave poor Bee to the wolves.”

Crowley snorted. “Oh please. Bee can more than handle herself.”

When they walked into the room, Crowley found Bee standing near the back of the room, her shrewd gaze on all the party goers. He approached her and held out the cup of eggnog, which she took and threw back with a gulp.

“These people look like squares.”

Crowley snickered. “They aren’t that bad. Come on, I’ll introduce you.”

She looked like she would rather stick her hand into a blender, but followed him to stand beside Aziraphale, who was talking to Anathema, Newt, Tracy, and Shadwell.

“Crowley,” Anathema greeted warmly. “I’m glad you could make it again.”

“Well, anything for Aziraphale,” he said with a shrug. Her eyes went uncomfortably soft at that, and he cleared his throat. “Anyways, this is my friend Bee. I dragged her along.”

“Dragged being the optimal word.”

Crowley cringed. Yep, this had been a bad idea. Bee was not going to help him make a good impression. “She’s kidding. She’s very glad to be here.” He jabbed her in the ribs.

Anathema laughed. “Please, I’m not offended. If I didn’t force him, Newt would lock himself in this house every day.”

Bee’s eyes moved to Newt, looking him from head to toe, and Newt visibly gulped.

Before Bee could respond, Shadwell spoke up and pointed at her sweater. “Oi, lass, is that the sign of the devil? Are you some Satan worshiper or something?”

Bee’s lips curled into a vicious smile, but Anathema cut off any retort she was about to make.

“Actually, the pentagram is a symbol against evil. Though in the Wicca religion it often represents the five elements, fire, water, air, earth, and spirit.”

Bee blinked in surprise. “Yeah, that’s true. How did you know that?”

Anathema took a sip of her drink and raised an eyebrow. “I’ve dabbled in witchcraft.”

Crowley glanced at Bee and saw the expression on her face. She looked as though someone had just dropped a particularly juicy steak right in front of her.

“Oh really? I’d love you pick your brain sometime.”

Anathema laughed. “Pick away.”

Bee’s chewed her bottom lips, her eyes roaming over Anathema’s figure. “I’ll have to take you up on that. But hey, I’m glad to be here. The alcohol is good.”

Anathema nodded towards the kitchen. “Glad you think so. I’ve got something a bit stronger if you’d like for later.”

“Oh, I would _very _much like that. Staying later that is.”

Crowley looked around the group and saw that everyone looked very confused, all except Anathema, who had a glint in her eyes. As though she were accepting a challenge.

“Well, I’ve already told Aziraphale he and Crowley can stay the night in the guest room. You’re more than welcome to stay as well.”

“But,” Newt spoke up, “We only have the one guest room. And the couch isn’t very comfortable.”

A wide grin spread over Bee’s face. “I’m pretty small, you wouldn’t even notice me. Unless,” she looked back at Anathema, “you want me to notice you.”

Newt was now looking back and forth between Anathema and Bee with increasing confusion and panic. “What-“

“We’ll discuss it later,” Anathema cut him off.

Crowley looked at Aziraphale and saw that he was looking back at him with a mix of surprise and mirth. He motioned with his head and Crowley followed him off to the side.

“My dear, if I didn’t know any better, I would think that our friends were flirting with each other.”

Crowley shook his head. “Bee doesn’t flirt. She says what she wants and then gets it. You better warn Anathema.”

Aziraphale only chuckled. “Trust me, Anathema is very capable of handling herself, even with Bee. I do think they may have met their match.”

Crowley looked back and saw that now Bee was in discussion with just Anathema and Newt. “Poor Newt.”

At this, Aziraphale nodded sagely. “Oh, yes, that I can agree with.” 

“So,” Crowley said slowly, “did you want to stay the night here?”

“Well, if you’re drinking, I think it would be best.”

“I didn’t bring any extra clothes.”

“Ah, well that’s alright. I brought a few spare outfits. You can just wear one of my sweaters to bed.”

Crowley felt warmth flood his face at the thought of wearing one of Aziraphale sweaters. Aziraphale leaned in to speak directly into his ear. “And perhaps _just _my sweater.”

A shiver rocked Crowley’s whole body. “Fuck, angel, you’re killing me.”

Aziraphale batted his eyelashes innocently, but that glint of mischief was still in his eyes. “I don’t know what you mean. Unless you’re telling me you can’t be a good boy and wait until later.”

Crowley groaned quietly, considering the consequences if he dropped to his knees right then and took Aziraphale into his mouth. No, he definitely couldn’t do that. When he spoke, his voice was low and gravelly.

“No, I can wait. But,” he stepped forward, blocking Aziraphale from the rest of the party and dragged his hand up Aziraphale’s already growing erection, “can you?”

Aziraphale stuttered out a breath. “Oh, my dear boy, you will pay for that later.”

Crowley grinned wickedly. “Is that a promise?”

When Aziraphale opened his eyes, they were darker than normal, and the look he gave him went straight to his cock. “Oh yes, my dear.”

They stared at each other for what felt like a long time.

“What are you doing?”

They both jumped at the sudden intrusion, leaping away from each other. Crowley looked down to find Adam staring up at them.

“Jesus, kid, don’t do that. You’ll give us a heart attack.”

“Sorry.” He didn’t sound sorry at all. “Can my friends and I go for a ride in your car?”

Crowley cringed. “Um, not tonight. I’m drinking.”

“Oh,” Adam looked down, then back up. “Tomorrow?”

“Maybe.”

“Sweet.”

The kid turned around and walked away. Crowley shook his head. “That kid is kind of weird.”

Aziraphale just laughed. “He’s just a child, it’s not like he’s the antichrist.”

Crowley rolled his eyes. “Obviously.”

“Shall we rejoin the group?” Aziraphale asked, indicating the now large group of people who had gathered around Bee.

“Oh God.” Crowley felt his stomach drop. “What the hell is she doing.”

They approached the large group and Crowley heard what she was saying.

“But really, it’s not so bad. Most customers are pretty chill.”

Mr. Young cleared his throat. “And you, um, I mean to say, uh, you sleep with these men?”

Oh fuck. He had specifically told Bee not to talk about her profession, no matter how proud she was of it. But it seemed it was too late for that.

“Well, they aren’t always men, and not always. Some just get off on the flogging and being told what to do. Some people just like being punished.”

Mrs. Young choked on her drink. “I- I think we should perhaps change the subject. The children are around.”

Bee shrugged. “Hey, you asked.”

“Well,” Mrs. Young asked loudly. “How did you and Crowley meet?”

Crowley felt a surge of panic. Even though he had met Bee long before he had ever been an escort, the idea of these people somehow figuring out what he was, what he had been, made him want to run.

But he didn’t need to worry. “Oh, I met this loser is secondary. I was new, and given my lack of stature, some of the kids thought it would be a good idea to bully me. Crowley heard the ruckus and came running. Pulled the kids off me. I mean, there was no need as I was kicking their ass, but it was the thought that counts. I let him follow me around after that.”

Crowley rolled his eyes. “That isn’t how I remember it.”

“Well, it’s a good thing nobody asked you.”

The rest of the party went by without anything too eventful happening, and around ten the other guests began to filter out. Crowley was lounging on the sofa when Aziraphale found him.

“My dear, I’m just going to help Anathema clean up. You can go get settled in the room if you like.”

“You don’t need me to help?”

Aziraphale ran his fingertips across Crowley’s hairline. It sent shivers down his spine. “No, dear. I think we can manage. Go make yourself comfortable.”

Not wanting to argue, he made his way upstairs to the small guest room. A queen-sized bed was made up in the middle of the room with Aziraphale’s suitcase sitting on top of it. Crowley approached and peered in. Aziraphale’s pajamas were on the top, but just below that he saw multiple soft looking sweaters. He chose the darkest colored one, which was deep blue. He stripped off the rest of his clothes, leaving on only his underpants, and pulled the sweater on. And oh, he had been right. It was warm and soft, and it _smelled _like Aziraphale. He climbed onto the bed and snuggled into it, pulling it up so that is covered his nose.

He would spend all his time like this, if he could. Just cocooned in the scent and feel of Aziraphale. It felt like a gift. Aziraphale wanted him. He wanted to give his time and attention to him and nobody else. He didn’t deserve it, but he would take every ounce off affection that Aziraphale was willing to give him. Because he was a selfish bastard, and out of all the men in the world, Aziraphale had chosen him. And he would prove to him that he was worth it.

He wasn’t sure how much later it was when Aziraphale came in. Crowley looked up from his phone and smiled as Aziraphale took in the sight of him laid out on the bed. Then, very slowly and deliberately, Aziraphale shut and locked the door.

A thrill went through Crowley at the sound of the lock. Aziraphale walked to the end of the bed and stopped, raising a single eyebrow.

“What do you think you’re wearing, my dear?”

Crowley looked down at himself and frowned. Had he chosen the wrong sweater? “Er, you said I could wear one of your sweaters-“

“Yes,” Aziraphale cut him off. “I said you could wear one of my sweaters. And _only _one of my sweaters.”

Oh. **Oh. **Crowley’s breath hitched. “You want me to take them off?”

“Indeed.” Aziraphale folded his hands primly in front of him, as though he were a studious tutor, looking at his misbehaving charge.

“Al-alright.” He began to get off the bed, but Aziraphale stopped him.

“No, remain on the bed dear. Take them off and fold them beside you.”

Crowley felt a bit lightheaded but did as he said. He hooked his thumbs into the waistband and slid them down and off. Aziraphale watched as he folded them and dropped them off the side of the bed. He was already painfully hard and leaking. Aziraphale’s eyes were on him, that same hunger that had been there earlier still bleeding through.

“You were very naughty earlier, teasing and tempting me. Do you think you deserve to be punished?”

Crowley’s head felt heavy as he nodded it. God, he wanted that. He wanted Aziraphale’s prim hands to be on him, to pin him down and make sure he did whatever he said.

“Use your words.”

“Yesss.”

The corner of Aziraphale’s mouth quirked up. “Yes, what?”

“Yes, I deserve to be punished.”

“Hmm.” Aziraphale walked slowly around to the side of the bed until he was standing beside him. “And what exactly should I do to you?”

When Crowley spoke, it was low and gravely. “Whatever you want. You can do whatever you want to me. I’ll let you.”

Surprise flashed in Aziraphale’s eyes for only a moment, then the look of dark lust was back.

“In that case.” He reached out and gripped Crowley by the chin, turning his face towards him. Crowley went willingly, like a flower that grew towards the sun. He guided him until he was kneeling in front of him, his face only inches away. His blues eyes searched, as though hoping to find an answer to a particularly difficult question written out on his face. Whatever answer he was looking for; Crowley would give it to him.

“You are incredibly beautiful my dear. The most beautiful man I have ever laid eyes on. How lucky I am that you’re all mine.”

Crowley wanted to close his eyes to better absorb the praise, but he knew Aziraphale wanted him to keep his eyes open. God, how long before Aziraphale had it been since someone had talked to him like that? Since he had been looked at and touched like a precious thing? Like he was loved?

Aziraphale ran fingers down to Crowley’s throat, and though the touch was light, it felt like fire on his skin.

“The most proficient painter could never capture your level of beauty. Surely it would drive them mad, to never be able to hold even a fraction of your essence.”

Crowley let out an audible whimper, and he didn’t even have the mental capacity to feel embarrassed. He wanted Aziraphale to take him apart with just his words. He wanted to be good for him, so that he would continue to say those wonderful things. He wanted to earn his love, to deserve it. Whatever Aziraphale wanted, he would do. He wanted to fuck to the point delirium? Fine. He wanted to wrap a belt around his throat and choke him while he fucked him from behind? Alright. Anything. He would do anything at all for him.

“My dear.”

“Hmm?” He opened his eyes. When had he shut them? Aziraphale was looking down at him with the most tender expression.

“When was the last time someone asked you what you want?”

Crowley blinked. “What? I… I want you.”

Aziraphale chuckled quietly. “I know, my dear, and I’m flattered. But what do you _want_?”

Crowley felt like his brain was moving in slow motion. He didn’t understand. “I… I want whatever you want.”

A small frown creased Aziraphale’s brow, and that just wouldn’t do. “Darling, it’s not all about me.”

“Of course it is.”

Aziraphale bit his lip. “Do you want to be rough right now? Do you want me to punish you? Or would you like something else?”

Crowley opened his mouth to answer, and then shut it. What did he want? It had been so long since that had really been up to him. He searched the pattern of Aziraphale’s sweater. He knew what he wanted, but he couldn’t say that. He could say ‘I want you to love me. I want you to hold me and tell me how much you love me and how important I am to you. I want you to tell me how badly you need me.’ At least, he couldn’t say all of that.

“Can you…” he cleared his throat. “Can you hold me? Can you make-“ he snapped his mouth shut, but he saw that Aziraphale had understood.

“Can I make love to you?”

Crowley swallowed, not looking him in the eye, and nodded. He didn’t want him to see what a needy sodding bastard he was.

But the next thing he knew Aziraphale was lifting his face up to his, and then he was kissing him. It was slow and soft, like there was no rush at all. And really, there wasn’t. Crowley opened his mouth and felt Aziraphale’s tongue slide it. He tasted like that spiced cider he had been drinking all night, like apples. He wasn’t sure why he found that so appealing.

Aziraphale pushed forward until Crowley began to slide back, making room on the bed for him. Once Aziraphale was kneeling on the bed, he reached forward and grabbed the hem of the sweater, pulling it over Crowley’s head. Crowley missed it immediately, shivering in the cold of the room. But he didn’t have to suffer long. Aziraphale pulled back the covers.

“Climb under, darling, get warm.”

And oh, _darling. _That word did something to his insides. He did as Aziraphale said and slid beneath the warm sheets. Aziraphale began to climb off the bed and Crowley made a sound of protest, but Aziraphale only smiled.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’m coming right back.”

Sweetheart. Crowley had to physically hide his face at that. He had never been somebody’s sweetheart. He peaked back at Aziraphale as watched as he pulled his sweater off, then the thin undershirt following it. He let his eyes move over Aziraphale’s soft curves, so perfect and round and supple. He wanted to taste every inch of him. To grip all of that flawless skin and feel it give under his own rough hands. Aziraphale saw him watching and smiled shyly.

“Do you like what you see?”

“I _love _it. You so perfect.”

Aziraphale bit his lip, that glimpse of uncertainty that he always got when Crowley complimented him. But this time, it disappeared almost immediately. His eyes crinkled in the corners.

“Thank you, dearest.”

He took his belt off next and threw it to the floor. Finally, his trousers were pulled down and he was in just his pants. He pulled up the corner of the covers.

“Hey, no fair! Those too.”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “Oh, alright.” He slid them off and then climbed into the bed.

Like a snake to a warm rock, Crowley slid around him, wrapping his arms and legs around any available skin.

“Oh, goodness my dear, your freezing.”

“Well then, you better warm me up,” he mumbled into his neck.

“Hmm, I suppose I must. Wouldn’t want you getting hypothermia.” He rolled towards him, cupping his jaw gently in his hand. “Is this what you want?”

In response, Crowley leaned into the touch and pressed a kiss to his palm. Aziraphale let out a sigh. “Oh, my dear, you are so very precious to me.”

Crowley whined and pressed harder into the touch. He should be embarrassed about this. But he’s not. Aziraphale moved his other hand down to his hip and gives it a squeeze. It feels like the pull of a trigger, and suddenly Crowley is on him, their mouths hot together as Crowley finally lets himself _feel_. God, he has wanted this since… well, since he first met him. And now he doesn’t stop himself. He slides his hands over soft skin and warm rolls, sinking his fingers in. He moved his hand down to grab a handful arse, digging his fingers in and probably causing marks.

Aziraphale moans into the kiss, his own hand moving to Crowley considerably smaller arse. He grabs onto his thigh and lifts it up so that it’s hooked over his hip. They’re so close now that their cocks graze against each other. Aziraphale pulls out of this kiss, his breathing heavy.

“How would you like this darling? How can I make this good for you?”

“I…” Crowley swallows. “Would you fuck me? I want to see your face.”

If possible, Aziraphale’s eyes soften even more. “Oh, of course Crowley.”

Crowley reached between them and gripped Aziraphale’s already hard cock. Aziraphale moaned and rocked into his fist, his eyes fluttering closed.

He pulled away for a moment and reached into his bag beside the bed and when he rolled back, he was holding a small bottle of lube. “Would you roll over for me love?”

Crowley did as he said, as much to hide his reaction to that word than anything else. With his back now to him, Aziraphale lifted his leg and slid one slick finger in between him, spreading him open and pressing against his entrance. Crowley bit into his lip as he slipped inside. He had always liked this part, even if his past encounters had never been quite so gentle and caring with him. That doesn’t matter now. Aziraphale was here. Aziraphale worked him open and then slid in another finger. Crowley knew he could take more, but he didn’t want to speed this up. The slow attention and care Aziraphale was putting into him made him feel like he was going to break apart.

Aziraphale began to press hot kisses to his shoulders and neck, his fingers sliding even deeper.

“You are so perfect like this my dear. So lovely and open for me.” Another kiss to his neck. “I adore you. I adore everything about you. That smart mouth and those kind eyes.” A soft bite on his shoulder. “You are singular in your perfection. Nobody else could ever compare.”

“Angel,” Crowley whimpered. He was _not _going to cry over this. Absolutely not.

“Yes, love, I’m here.”

“Please, fuck me.”

Aziraphale nuzzled his back. “Like this?”

Crowley moved away so that Aziraphale had to slide his fingers out of him. “No, I told you, I want to look at you.”

He climbed on top of him so that he was straddling him. He took Aziraphale cock in his hand, and then very slowly slid down onto him. He moved slow enough to feel every inch of him, and the feeling of being filled up, filled up with Aziraphale, was enough to make him close his eyes. When he was fully seated, he opened his eyes again. Aziraphale was staring up at him, and the look on his face was almost too much for him. It looked like love. Crowley leaned forward and gripped his shoulders, then he began to move.

“Oh, my darling, you feel so good.”

“Not as good as you angel.”

Aziraphale wrapped his hands around Crowley’s hips and began to guide him, thrusting up in time with Crowley coming down. Every slide in hit Crowley right in that perfect spot that made him roll his eyes back.

“Fuck, angel.”

“That’s- that’s what I’m doing my dear.”

Crowley let out a laugh and looked down to see the mirth in his angel’s eyes.

“You’re such a bastard- ah!” He cried out as Aziraphale took a hold of his cock and pumped in from root to tip.

“I’m a what?” he asked, his voice laced with amusement.

“You’re a… a bastard… oh God.” Aziraphale rubbed his thumb over the head at the same time as he thrust up and it had Crowley seeing stars.

“Now, dear, let’s not bring Her into this. I think I’m the one who deserves all the credit.”

Crowley laughed again. The stimulation was almost too much, and he wasn’t going to last long. “Fuck, Aziraphale, I love you.”

He was too lost in his pleasure to notice when Aziraphale’s pace stuttered, or to even realize what he said. But a moment later Aziraphale had picked up his pace and sat up so that they were face to face. The angle change made Crowley moan and grip Aziraphale’s neck.

“Aziraphale, I’m… I’m not going to last.”

“That’s it my love. Come for me. Take your pleasure. I want you to have it. I want you to have everything. You’re everything to me.”

It was those words, above all else, that finally tipped him over the edge. He came all over Aziraphale’s chest and fist, and as he clenched around him, he felt Aziraphale come as well. It took several moments for them both to come down. Crowley collapsed onto Aziraphale, both of their breathing heavy. Crowley began to slide away, perhaps to grab a towel, but suddenly Aziraphale was gripping his wrists. He blinked in surprise and looked up at him.

“What is it angel?”

Aziraphale’s eyes were wide and searching once again. “Did you mean it?”

Crowley frowned. “Mean what?”

Aziraphale looked down, bashful. “What you said. That… that you love me?”

Crowley sucked in a breath. He hadn’t even realized that he had let the words out. He swallowed and licked his lips.

“It’s alright if you didn’t!” Aziraphale rushed to say. “Of course it’s ok. People say things like that all the time in the heat of things, so I certainly don’t expect anything from you. I’m sorry, it was silly-“

“I do.”

Aziraphale blinked. “What?”

“I meant it. I love you. Have for awhile now. I mean, how could I not? Look at you. You’re like the walking embodiment of love and happiness. Ridiculous, is what it is. Nobody should be able to smile like that, it’s not fair to the rest of the world. Too damn perfect.” Crowley realized he was rambling and knew he needed to stop. “So, yeah. I love you.”

“O-oh.”

Crowley wanted to hide. To get away from those wide blue eyes that expressed too much. But there was nowhere to go, so instead he just scratched his neck and looked away.

“But it’s ok if you don’t feel that way back. I get it. We just made it official a few weeks ago and I know I move too fast. I’m- I’m sorry.”

Aziraphale was now looking at him with complete bafflement. “My dear, what are you talking about? Of course I love you. I told you, you are the most precious thing in my life.”

Crowley knew his eyes were very wide and he should probably say something, but he felt as though he were made of stone. Aziraphale loved him? He thought he was precious?

“Ah, I see.” Really? That was all he could come up with.

Aziraphale smiled shyly. “We’re both a bit ridiculous, aren’t we?”

Crowley began to smile, his body of ice beginning to thaw. “Yeah, we are.”

Aziraphale pulled him close so that Crowley’s head could press against his chest.

“I admit, I’m quite glad we got that out of the way. I had been worrying about it.”

“Mmm,” Crowley mumbled into his chest.

“Crowley?”

“Yeah, Angel?”

“You’re the sweetest person I’ve ever met.”

Crowley felt heat flood his cheeks and pressed himself hard into his neck. “Oh, shut up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crowley is just... so soft. He just needs to be loved. These boys hurt my heart. Anyways, I hope you liked it! Your comments are lovely, so let me know what you think!


	16. Chapter 16

Aziraphale awoke in the early morning, the soft light coming through the window setting everything in shades of blue. The alarm said it was just after seven. He rolled over and smiled. Crowley was asleep, his face pressed into the pillow and his mouth slightly open. Aziraphale couldn’t help but giggle. Even if Crowley was loath to admit it, he really was very sweet.

Not wanting to disturb him, Aziraphale climbed out of bed and gathered his clothes for the day. He opened the door as quietly as he could and made his way to the bathroom. It would be better to shower and prepare for the day before everyone else was awake. However, just as he reached the bathroom door, Bee appeared around the corner coming up the stairs. She was carrying three glasses of water and stopped outside Anathema’s door when she spotted him. A slow smile spread across her face, and then she winked before walking into the room and kicking it shut behind her.

Aziraphale remained standing in the hall for several moments. Well, that was a development. When he was finally able to shake himself from his shocked state, he made his way into the bathroom locked the door behind him.

The spray of the hot water felt nice. He took several deep breaths and let his tight muscles relax. So. Crowley loved him. He loved Crowley. It was all out there now. He supposed he should feel relieved, or like there was less pressure, but if anything, he felt the opposite. What they had felt delicate. Like one wrong move could shatter it to pieces. He knew he was being silly, but at least for him, love had always come at a cost. It wasn’t something given or received lightly. He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to the tiles of the shower. He needed to stop this. If he kept this up, he would be the one to ruin it.

He got out of the shower and dressed for the day. It was still very early, and everyone would likely remain in bed for awhile more, but he couldn’t go back to the room lest he wake Crowley. He smiled to himself. Well, perhaps he could prepare breakfast for everyone.

* * *

Crowley groaned as he woke up, throwing his arm over his face to hide from the bright light that was shining through the thin lace curtain. Really, what was the point of those? When he managed to roll over, he saw that Aziraphale was not beside him and the clock read ten thirty-four. He sat up slowly and smiled at the slight soreness he felt in his body. He and Aziraphale had had sex, no, had made love. He felt like a teenager, smiling stupidly about something like that.

Aziraphale loved him. Him, of all people. Aziraphale could have had his pick from any number of men, and yet somehow, he had picked Crowley. It didn’t make sense, but he wasn’t going to question it. He would show Aziraphale that he deserved his love. He was worth it.

He jumped out of bed and got dressed in the same clothes as last night. It would have been better to change into something new, but he had brought nothing. He could always wear one of Aziraphale’s sweaters, but after last night, that felt too personal. So, he stepped out into the hall in yesterdays clothes and made his way to the stairs. He could hear someone in the shower. He wondered idly if it was Aziraphale. It might be awkward to sit downstairs with his friends without him.

But when he made his way into the kitchen, he saw that Aziraphale was sitting at the table and sipping from a cup of tea with Anathema while Newt cooked at the stove.

“Why does it smell like something burned?”

Aziraphale looked up at him and a faint pink dusted his cheeks. “Ah, I’m afraid that’s my fault. I wanted to cook breakfast for all of you and I attempted to make pancakes. And, well, I’m afraid it got a bit out of hand.”

Crowley laughed. “Should have known.”

He walked over pressed a kiss to the top of Aziraphale’s head, which caused him to wiggle.

“And what’s that supposed to mean, my dear?”

Crowley dropped into the chair beside him. “It means that you’re always trying to do everything for everyone else.”

Aziraphale flushed and looked down. Crowley grinned and looked around the kitchen.

“Where’s Bee?”

Newt immediately froze where he was flipping something in his pan and Anathema glanced down at her cup, a small curved smile pulling at her lips. Interesting.

“Oh, I think she was in the shower.”

“Yep, I was.”

They all turned and watched as Bee walked into the room. Her dark hair was still dripping onto her shoulders and she was also wearing the same thing she had worn last night. When she sat down across from Crowley, her smile was smug.

“Why do you look like that?” Crowley asked with narrowed eyes. It was never good when Bee was smug.

He noticed Anathema shift in her seat and the back of Newts neck was incredibly red.

“Like what?” Bee asked, her smiled only growing.

“Like you did something I’m going to be pissed about.”

“What I do has nothing to do with you. Ana, could you pass me the biscuits?”

Crowley’s eyebrows climbed. “Ana?”

Bee took a bite out of the biscuit and nodded. “After what the three of us did last night, I think nicknames are perfectly in order.”

Anathema choked on her tea and Newt dropped a piece of sausage onto the floor.

“Bee!” Anathema cried. “I thought we had agreed on not telling anyone!”

Be raised an eyebrow. “No, you two agreed that you wouldn’t tell Aziraphale. I never said I wouldn’t tell Crowley. Besides, he asked.”

Crowley’s mouth had fallen open, and he promptly snapped it shut. “I did _not _ask that.”

Bee shrugged. “What does it matter? People fuck all the time. I know you two did. Could hear you even over Newts moaning.”

“I think I’ll go for a walk,” Newt said, turning away from the still burning stove top and walking to the door without shoes.

Anathema caught his hand before he could go far. “No, you stay here.”

“That’s right,” Bee smirked. “Use that commanding tone just like I taught you.”

Anathema shot her a glare, then looked to Aziraphale and Crowley. “Ok, yes. Last night Newt and I decided to… spice things up, per Bee’s suggestion.”

Aziraphale looked thoroughly uncomfortable with the topic at hand. “Ah, well, that’s really none of our business. You’re all grown adults who can do as you like.”

“Do who you like, more like it,” Bee murmured.

“Well, yes.” Aziraphale looked away into his tea.

And then Crowley was laughing. He threw his head back and let his whole body shake with it. He wiped a tear from the corner of his eye and shook his head.

“Wow, good for you two. Didn’t know you had it in you. Hiring a dominatrix is really next level.”

Bee rolled her eyes and kicked him under the table while Anathema pressed her lips together in a barely contained smile. Newt looked like he wanted to melt into the floor.

“They didn’t hire me you moron. I’m allowed to have sex while off the job with whoever I want.”

Crowley was about to make fun of her again when there was a knock at the front door. Newt spun around and ran to answer it as though he were being chased by a hellhound. When he came back a moment later, he was followed by four children, all of which Crowley remembered had called themselves the Them. Adam was at the head of the group.

Anathema smiled warmly at them. “Hey guys, what’s up?”

“Hey Anathema, we’re here for Crowley.”

Crowley did his best to not grimace at the vaguely threatening choice of words. “What do you want with me?”

“You said you would give us a ride in your car.”

Crowley frowned. “I did not! I said maybe.”

All of the kids continued to stare at him expectantly. He threw his head back and groaned.

“Yes, alright, fine.”

The kids whooped and ran back out the front door. Crowley glanced back at Aziraphale and gave him an apologetic smile. “You don’t mind, do you angel?”

He waved his hand, an amused smile on his face. “No, of course not. Go on, don’t leave your fans waiting.”

Crowley rolled his eyes at the term. When he made his way out to the Bentley, all four children were standing around it expectantly.

“Ok, you lot, listen up. These are the rule. If you break them, I will throw you out while we’re still moving.”

“Awesome!” the one he thought was name Brian cried.

“No, that’s not… never mind. The rules are this. Do not touch anything. I don’t want your sticky prints on the windows. No horsing around. If you break something you will never be seen again. And finally, I pick the music. If you lay a finger on the dash, I will break it off. Got it?”

All four heads nodded eagerly. They climbed in and Crowley slid into the driver’s seat. Adam was seated beside him, and the others were all piled into the back.

“Can we go fast?” Pepper asked.

A wicked smile slid across Crowley’s face. “Kid, this baby doesn’t know any other speed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter since the other was so long. Honestly, I just wrote this one for Bee because I love her. When this fic is done, I might write a part 2 that's just Bee going to visit Newt and Anathema and terrorizing the town of Tadfield by teaching the youth about anarchy and the bored house wives about liberating themselves. But let me know what you guys think!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Christmas chapter in April? It's more likely than you think.

Crowley hated the snow, had since he was young. He was too thin, too lean. The cold cut through his bones like a scythe through wheat, leaving him a shivering mess. Not to mention it did nothing for his style, forcing him to completely cover up. And yet, now on Christmas Eve, Crowley was walking quickly down the streets of Soho, two heavy brown bags in his hands. He should have taken the Bentley, but the restaurant was only a ten-minute walk away. He could have not gone at all. No, that hadn’t been an option.

Aziraphale wanted a Christmas eve dinner, and while Crowley wasn’t the best cook, he could pick up some takeout with the best of them. They would be going down to have a real Christmas dinner at the Youngs residence tomorrow, but tonight was just for them. He stomped up the steps to the shop and shouldered open the front door.

He let out a shudder as he was enveloped by the warmth within the shop. Ever since he had started seeing Aziraphale for real, he had kept the shop at a much toastier temperature for him. Aziraphale didn’t seem to get cold or hot either way, but he said he wanted Crowley to be comfortable. The front of the shop was tastefully decorated with garlands and wreaths, but it was in the backroom where Aziraphale had gone all out. A tall pine was pushed against one wall and decorated in twinkling white lights. Strings of multicolored lights had been strung along the ceiling and over the fireplace, which was already ablaze. Holy and Ivy were scattered around, and on the mantle sat some little figurines of a picturesque village.

Crowley dropped the bags onto the table and then called up the stairs. “Angel! I’m back!”

“Alright, I’ll be down in just a moment dear!”

Crowley took off his heavy coat and hung it on the rack. He ruffled a hand through his hair, knocking out any lingering snowflakes. He turned at the sound of heavy footsteps coming down the stairs. Aziraphale appeared before him, carrying several bottles of wine. He was dressed as he normally was, in a white long sleeve shirt with his tan waistcoat and brown slacks, only now he also sported a gold paper crown atop his head.

Crowley laughed. “Getting started a bit early, are we?”

Aziraphale raised his eyes up, as though he could see the crown, and smiled. “Yes, well, I thought I would get into the spirit.”

He looked down at what Crowley was wearing and quirked an eyebrow. “And I can see you have as well.”

Crowley looked down and smiled. Rather that one of his tight button up shirts, he had gone for an oversized Christmas sweater. It was red and decorated with white snowflakes, and in the middle, where perhaps a Snowman would go, was-

“My dear, is that a demon on your Christmas sweater?”

Crowley smirked. “Yeah, I think it is. Dagon knitted it for me. Do you like it?”

Aziraphale set his bottles onto the table. “Yes, I think you look very fetching. The red of the sweater really brings out your hair. But I think you are missing something.”

Crowley frowned down at himself. “What?”

Aziraphale snatched a pair of antlers off a nearby table and stuck them onto his head. “There, now you look perfect.”

Crowley rolled his eyes and groaned. “Ugh, angel, do I really have to wear these?”

“Yes,” Aziraphale said firmly. “Now come sit down so we can eat before the food gets cold.”

Crowley grumbled under his breath but did as he was told. “I think it might already be. It’s below freezing out there.”

“Oh, you poor dear,” Aziraphale fussed. “You must be so cold. Is it warm enough in hear for you?”

Crowley felt his ears heating up. “Yeah, angel, it’s perfect. You don’t need to fuss over me.”

“Of course, I do. If I don’t, who else will?”

Oof. Crowley wasn’t sure why those words scraped painfully at the inside of his chest. Yes, who else did he have besides Aziraphale? Well, he had Bee and the gang, but that was different. He _had _Aziraphale. Aziraphale passed him his plate of Chinese takeout, then poured two glassed of wine.

“Are we planning on getting sloshed tonight?”

Aziraphale raised a brow. “I wouldn’t say sloshed, dear. But I would like to celebrate.”

Crowley lifted his glass. “What shall we celebrate?”

There was a twinkle in Aziraphale’s eyes that matched the lights around him. “To us. To love and new beginnings. To our happiness.”

Crowley swallowed the lump in throat and smiled. “To the world.”

Aziraphale laughed. “Yes, yes, that as well.”

They drank and ate their dinner, content in simple conversation and the warmth of the shop. Crowley couldn’t remember ever being happier. This was almost too much, too perfect. Not for him. He shook that thought away. This _was _for him. Aziraphale wanted him. That had been established. By ten pm they had gone though a bottle and a half between the two of them. Neither were drunk, just happily buzzed. Crowley slouched down on the couch while Aziraphale sat as primly as he could in his chair beside him.

“Darling, I am so very happy you are here.”

Crowley rolled his head to look at him. “So am I, angel.”

“You know,” Aziraphale said slowly, “Last year at this time I was not in a very good place. I was single and alone. I believed I would never really be loved. That I wasn’t deserving of it. I can’t fully believe how much has changed.”

Crowley gave him a gentle smile. “Yeah, I wasn’t doing great last year either. I was probably at Bee’s place getting hammered and telling myself I didn’t need love. I was fine on my own.”

Aziraphale leaned forward in his chair, bracing his elbows on his knees and smiled warmly. “Well, my darling, we’re better now. We’re together.”

“Yes, together.” Crowley threw back his glass of wine and held the glass out to Aziraphale, who poured him another. “You know, I didn’t think I was even capable of love. I had never felt it, not how it seemed other people did. I didn’t understand how people could commit themselves to one other person forever. It just seemed so ridiculous. I thought…” He cleared his throat, second guessing his next words. He didn’t want to come across as pathetic. “I thought there was something wrong with me. That I was broken, or defective. I mean, what sort of person can’t feel love? That’s not human, right?”

He glanced up and saw that Aziraphale was looking at him intently, so he continued.

“And then I met you. At first, I thought it was just a crush, something I would get over quickly and move on.” He laughed quietly. “I can see now how silly that was. What I felt for you, even from the beginning, was different from how I had ever felt for someone else before. So much more… just more. You were so gentle, are so gentle. And you saw me. Not the escort, me. And you actually liked what you saw. And then the way you look at me, like I’m desirable. And I don’t just mean sexually. Lots of men have desired me sexually. You desire my company. My thoughts and opinions and ideas.”

He chewed on his lip and looked up at him. His lips were parted, and his eyes were misty. Crowley continued.

“I was actually enough for you. I didn’t feel like I had to perform. I couldn’t just, you know, be.”

“Oh, my darling.” Aziraphale’s words were hushed and low. He set his glass on the table. “Of course, you’re enough. You’re more than enough. You’re perfect. Your mind is just as beautiful as your body, and that’s to say extraordinarily so.”

Crowley laughed. “Thank you, angel. So is yours.”

Aziraphale looked down. “You’re the first person to really love my body. To think that I’m beautiful. My past lovers, well, they tolerated it. Saw past it, some said.”

“They’re fucking idiots then,” Crowley said with passion. “How could someone ever even think to look past a body as perfect as yours? Bloody morons didn’t know what they had. That’s all the better for me.”

Now it was Aziraphale’s turn to laugh. “Thank you, love.”

They lapsed into silence, still looking at each other. This was nice, to be able to just sit and enjoy someone’s company without any expectations. When he heard Aziraphale chuckle, he raised an eyebrow.

“What’s so funny?”

“Oh, it’s not funny exactly. It’s just, we’re sort of like a puzzle, right?”

Crowley tilted his head. “How do you mean?”

Aziraphale looked a bit sheepish. “You know. The unloving fell in love with the unlovable. It shouldn’t be possible, and yet here we are.”

Crowley’s heart constricted. He wanted to tell Aziraphale that he was the opposite of unlovable, but it seemed that his words kept getting trapped in his throat. When he finally found his voice, it sounded rougher than he intended.

“Maybe we’re just made for each other.”

Aziraphale’s eyes twinkled and he raised his glass. “As I said, like a puzzle.”

And oh, that was how Crowley felt. Like he had been walking through life missing a part of himself without even knowing it. And that first time Aziraphale had placed his hand so gently against his, it was like that part of him had finally come alive once more, roaring wildly in his chest. It sounded ridiculous, but he could think of no other way to describe it. He didn’t believe in soulmates, but Aziraphale was the closest he had ever come.

“You’re a bloody miracle, you know that angel?”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes fondly. “I hardly think I’m anything so dramatic.”

Crowley ran his sharp upper teeth over his lip, and Aziraphale’s eyes followed the movement.

“Angel, have you ever fucked on this couch before?”

Aziraphale’s eyes widened and he gulped. “Er, no, I haven’t. Actually…” Aziraphale trailed off, looking a little embarrassed.

“What is it angel?”

“Well, it’s just that I don’t think I’ve ever had sex in any place besides a bed before.”

Crowley felt his eyebrows slide up his forehead. “Well, I think that’s a good thing.”

Aziraphale frowned. “It is?”

Crowley nodded. “It means I’ll get to be the first person to fuck you all over this bookshop.”

A pink flush rose in Aziraphale’s cheek and he stuttered out a breath. “O-oh.”

“Come here, angel.”

Aziraphale did as he asked and stood on what looked like unsteady legs. As he walked around the small table to the couch, he pulled off his paper crown and dropped in to the floor. Crowley slid off his antlers and did the same. Crowley remained laying sprawled out on the couch. He watched Aziraphale with anticipation. He stood over him, the low light of the fireplace giving him an otherworldly glow. Aziraphale knelt one knee onto the couch and Crowley spread his legs for him, making a space for him to nestle between.

“How would you like me darling?” Aziraphale asked, a little bit breathless.

“Just as you are.”

Aziraphale leaned forward and braced his hands on the arm of the couch behind Crowley. He liked having him like this, like a solid force over him. He felt safe. Crowley surged up and kissed him, pulling the taste of wine from his lips. A strong hand wrapped around the back of Crowley’s head and held him in place. Crowley moaned at the touch. He reached up and curled two fingers into the collar of Aziraphale’s shirt, pulling it down so he could press hot, open mouthed kisses along his neck. He sucked hard at the point where he felt Aziraphale pulse and smiled when Aziraphale moaned. When he finally pulled back his eyes were fully dilated.

“You look so stunning in this light, my dearest. I want to see more of you.”

“I’m all yours.”

Aziraphale grabbed the hem of Crowley’s sweater and pulled it over his head, hooking it around his neck. This left Crowley’s arms still trapped in the sleeves, with the back of the sweater pinned behind him. It felt like he was restrained, and he liked it. Aziraphale lifted Crowley’s knee until he was able to hook it over his shoulder, leaving Crowley thoroughly pinned. He smiled and wrapped the other leg around Aziraphale’s waist.

“My, aren’t you flexible,” Aziraphale grinned.

“Oh yeah,” Crowley winked, “I can get into all sorts of positions for you angel.”

Aziraphale ran a finger over Crowley’s tattoo, making him shiver. “You certainly live up to your sigil. If I didn’t know any better, I would say you didn’t have spine.”

Crowley nipped playfully at his chin. “I can assure you; my spine is perfectly intact. As is the rest of me. Here, let me show you.”

He stretched his neck up to bite Aziraphale’s bottom lip. Aziraphale took mercy and leaned forward, allowing his body weight to press Crowley into the cushions. Crowley could already feel his cock getting hard, straining against his soft black jeans. He was glad he had decided to wear these instead of his tighter, less flexible jeans. Aziraphale tongue slid into his mouth and he sucked on it.

“You like this, don’t you?” Aziraphale breathed into his mouth. “You like being so good for me.”

Crowley moaned. He had always enjoyed dirty talk, but it was something completely different coming from Aziraphale’s mouth. It made him dizzy. He needed more. Aziraphale seemed to understand his sounds of distress.

“You can be good, can’t you? Just open up and do as I say? Will you be good for me?”

“Yes, _yes _angel, anything. I’ll do whatever you want.”

Aziraphale slid his hand up Crowley’s bare chest, then back down, gripping his hip. “I want to fuck you like this. With your knees over my shoulders and your arms over your head. I want you to submit to me completely.”

Crowley arched his back. “Yes, take me angel. Take your pleasure from me. Use me if you want.”

Crowley liked gentle love making as much as the next person. But sometimes he just wanted to be held down and fucked senseless. That time was now.

“Take these off,” Aziraphale commanded.

He didn’t need to be told twice. It took a bit of squirming and twisting, but eventually Aziraphale was able to pull his jeans and underclothes off and threw them to the floor. Aziraphale slid his hands along his hips, pressing his thumbs into the joints. Crowley’s cock was red and leaking, bobbing near his stomach. Aziraphale licked his lips.

“Alright angel, your turn.”

Aziraphale flicked his eyes up to Crowley. “No, I think I would like to fuck you with my clothes still on.”

Crowley dropped his head back and moaned again. The idea of Aziraphale fucking him while he was still dressed in his pressed white shirt and vest made his head swim. He wanted it so damn bad.

“Please, please, Aziraphale, please just…”

“Oh, look at you,” Aziraphale hummed. “Just begging for it. Gagging for it, aren’t you? You want to just lie there and take everything I give you, don’t you?”

“Yes, yes, yes.” He said it like a chant.

“Hmm, very well. Since you asked for it so nicely.”

Aziraphale reached over and slid open a drawer beside his chair, and when he leaned back, he was holding a bottle of lube. Crowley watched as he poured some onto his well-manicured fingers and rubbed it around. Crowley squirmed, impatient.

“Now hold still, or I’m not afraid to restrain you further.”

Crowley almost begged him to do it. To tie him down and grip his throat with that strong hand. But he didn’t want to do too much too fast. He dropped his head back and closed his eyes when Aziraphale slid the first finger in and began to work him open. It wasn’t enough, it was never enough. He rocked his hips, trying to fuck himself on Aziraphale’s fingers. When he opened his eyes, Aziraphale was giving him a smile.

“Would you like more?”

“Yes, God yes.”

“Very well.”

He pressed another finger in and began to twist and scissor, working him open. Crowley wanted to reach up and grab him, but his arms were still trapped over his head.

“Angel, come on, please.”

“Go on, beg me for it.” Aziraphale whispered into his ear, his breath hot on his neck. “How badly do you want my cock? How badly do you want to be spread and fucked?”

Aziraphale’s voice was deeper than normal, sounding like thick molasses, and it went right to Crowley’s cock. He had already leaked precum all over his stomach. He wanted Aziraphale to touch him so badly.

“Angel, please, I’ll do anything. I need you to fuck me. I want you to be inside me so fucking badly.”

“Alright, hush darling, you needn’t get too worked up. I’ll give you what you want.”

Crowley watched as he unzipped his trousers and pulled his own cock free. It was just as red and hard as Crowley’s and he could see the sheen of precum on the head. He wanted Aziraphale to shove it down his throat, but now wasn’t the time.

True to his word, Aziraphale left all off his clothes on. He lifted Crowley’s other leg and hooked over his other shoulder, and then he lined himself up with Crowley hole. He looked up at him once, and then slid all the way in. Crowley let out a strangled moan. Aziraphale had of course been inside him before, but the knew angle allowed him to hit at particularly good spot. Aziraphale leaned forward, gripping the armrest behind Crowley and bending him practically in half. His knees were near his shoulders, and it felt so fucking good. Aziraphale began to thrust in and out, shallowly at first but picking up steam. Every hard thrust in hit Crowley’s prostate and had him seeing stars.

“God Aziraphale, you’re so fucking hot. Harder, please.”

Aziraphale obliged, slamming into him with more force. “That’s right love. You take this so well. You’re so perfect. Perfect and mine, right?”

“Yes, yes, yours,” Crowley breathed.

“Mine and no others,” Aziraphale growled.

Crowley had never heard him growl before. It was fucking hot. 

“Mine is the only cock you’ll take, yes? You’ll never fuck someone else again. Just me.”

Crowley managed to grab Aziraphale’s wrists where they were above him, but then Aziraphale pulled one arm away and gripped at his chin. He titled his head down until he was looking him it the eyes. His face was flushed with pleasure and his eyes were intense.

“Answer me. Will you ever fuck anyone else, beside me?”

Crowley blinked. “No, angel, never.”

Aziraphale smiled. “Good boy.”

He then took him in hand and pumped up in time with thrusts, causing Crowley to cry out and arch his back. Aziraphale’s pace had become almost brutal, slamming into that sweet spot again and again as he stoked him along with it, swirling his thumb around the head.

“Angel, I’m- I’m gonna-“

“Yes, my love, come for me. You deserve it. You’ve been so good for me.”

Crowley let out a cry and came in bursts all over his chest and Aziraphale’s hands. As he clenched around him, Aziraphale also cried out and came inside him. It lasted several seconds. Finally, Aziraphale collapses on top of him. They breathed in tandem, both coming back to themselves slowly.

“Angel?”

“Hmm?”

“You’re going to stain the front of your shirt.”

Aziraphale laughed. “I’m finding I don’t quite care at the moment.”

He slid out and climbed off of him though, and Crowley let his legs fall back down. He ached, but in the most glorious way. Aziraphale disappeared for a moment, and then came back with a washcloth. He wiped down Crowley’s chest, just like the first time.

“There. All clean.”

Crowley pulled his sweater back down and sat up. He watched as Aziraphale tucked his shirt back in and then dropped onto the cushion beside him.

“So, how was losing your couch sex virginity?”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows. “Sex with you is always lovely dear.”

Crowley leaned forward, still grinning, and Aziraphale let out an exasperated sigh. “Yes, yes, it’s the best sex I’ve ever had. Is that what you want to here?”

Crowley preened. “Yes, obviously.”

He rolled onto his side so that he could lay his head on his lap. Aziraphale, noticing Crowley still wasn’t wearing any pants, pulled the blanket over sofa down and laid it over him. Crowley couldn’t help but let out a content sigh. He was warm, tipsy, fed, and now thoroughly fucked. He couldn’t imagine a better scenario. He closed his eyes.

“Are you tired my dear?”

“Mmm, just a bit. Might rest my eyes.”

“Well,” Aziraphale said fondly, “rest for as long as you need. I’ll just be reading.”

A moment later, the sound of pages turning filled the room, lulling Crowley deeper into a peaceful sleep. Just before he dozed off, he couldn’t help but to think that this year was going to be a very good one indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters are coming more quickly now and we are about to really get into it. I'm pretty excited for you to read what I have in store. If you would like a visual for this chapter, I was HIGHLY inspired by this art from Aiwa Sensei, bit.ly/AiwaSensei . I have literally thought about that art work at least five times per week ever since I first saw in December, and I knew I wanted this chapter to be a reflection of that, so go over and give them some love. I really hope you liked this one!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter, but, well, you'll see.

Aziraphale awoke to light streaming bright through his curtains. He rolled over, expecting to find Crowley curled up beside him, but his hand landed on empty bed. He frowned to himself. He always woke up before Crowley. With only a small groan he pulled himself out of bed and slid on his slippers. He opened his bedroom door and listened. The sound of things moving around in the kitchen piqued his curiosity.

Once he reached the door to the kitchen, he paused and peeked around the corner. Crowley was facing away from him, stirring something in a bowl and humming something under his breath. He wore a pair of loose-fitting black sleep pants and a grey tank top, showing off the firm muscles in his shoulders and arms. Aziraphale bit his lip. He was so beautiful. Especially like this, so carefree and calm. When Crowley turned around, Aziraphale was leaned against the arch and smiling.

Crowley jumped and nearly dropped the bowl he was holding. “Jesus, angel, don’t do that! I’m going to have to make you wear a little bell around your neck, so you stop sneaking up on me.”

Aziraphale laughed. “That’s a bit kinky even for me, dear.”

Crowley sputtered. “Kink- wha-.” He narrowed his eyes when he saw Aziraphale’s teasing smirk. “You’re a bastard, you know that angel?”

“Mmm, yes, so you’ve said.”

He walked into the kitchen and gave him a kiss. “What’s all this for?”

“Oh, you know, a little New Years Eve breakfast. Since you refuse to come out with me tonight.”

“I’ve told you; loud, raucous parties really aren’t my scene. But you go and have fun with Bee and your friends. I can’t hog you all the time.”

“Of course, you could,” Crowley argued.

“I’m sure you’ll have a much better time without me.” 

“That’s not possible.”

“When it comes to this sort of thing, it is. I would complain that the music is too loud and want to leave before ten.”

“Then we would leave.”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “You’re very sweet, dearest. But trust me, you’ll have plenty of fun tonight. Get absolutely hammered and dance your heart out.”

Crowley was still frowning. “Who am I supposed to kiss at midnight?”

“I guarantee you’ll already be drunk by that point. Besides, we’re spending all day tomorrow together. We’ll have a lovely dinner at the Ritz and then go to the show. That’s much more my speed.”

Crowley grumbled, but conceded. It wasn’t that Aziraphale didn’t like Crowley’s friends, he actually found them very amusing. But they were a bit too wild for Aziraphale’s taste. Crowley had told him about their parties, and he knew he would be much more comfortable at home with cocoa and a good book. Crowley had said he was fine with it, but now he was pouting. It was really rather endearing.

“Tell you what, I’ll make it up to you.”

Crowley narrowed his eyes. “How?”

“Well,” Aziraphale reached out and dipped his finger into the batter, then slowly licked it off. “Let’s just say, I’ll be very grateful. I’ll be willing to do just about anything.”

Crowley’s ran his teeth over his bottom lip, and when Aziraphale dipped his finger in again, he caught his wrist. Now it was Aziraphale’s eyes that widened slightly as Crowley brought the finger to his lips and sucked it in. Aziraphale moaned quietly.

“Hmm,” Crowley hummed. “I’ll be taking you up on that angel.”

Aziraphale leaned forward and began to attempt to pull Crowley’s pants down, but Crowley spun away.

“Ah ah ah, not so fast. I’ve spent the better part of the morning making this breakfast and you are going to eat it damn it!”

Aziraphale pouted. “I could always eat it off you.”

Crowley looked back, a twinkle in his eyes. “As lovely as that sounds, I don’t think pancakes and eggs with sausage are the sexiest food to eat off someone.”

“I disagree,” Aziraphale grumbled, but sat down anyways.

Crowley laughed as he plated Aziraphale’s food and sat it before him. “I never would have guessed that once we started having sex, you would become this obsessed with it.”

Aziraphale sputtered. “I-wha- I am not _obsessed _with it! Pardon me for being very much attracted to my gorgeous boyfriend.”

Aziraphale began to eat while Crowley stood by and watched. After a moment, Aziraphale raised an eyebrow.

“Are you not going to eat, my dear?”

“Oh, I am.” He lowered himself to his knees and crawled beneath the table.

Aziraphale’s cock twitched with interest as he watched Crowley’s long fingers slide up his thighs and part his legs. He hooked his fingers into the waistband and pulled them down enough to free his growing erection. His golden eyes darted up to meet his.

“Keep eating angel,” he commanded.

Wetting his lips with his tongue, he did as he asked and placed another bite of pancake in his mouth at the same time as Crowley took him into his own. He moaned at the duel sensations and dropped his head back. This was going to be a good year indeed.

* * *

Crowley leaned against the counter and watched as Bee poured bottles of strong liquor and juice into a spouted container. Jungle juice, she called it. He called it a raging hangover. She filled a cup and passed it to him.

“Tell me how it is.”

He took a sip and grimaced. “Strong.”

“Excellent,” she said with a wide smile.

The music was already pumping loudly from the speakers and Bees flat was filling with party goers, most of who Crowley didn’t know.

“Is it really smart to invite clients to your house?”

Bee shrugged and downed a shot. “I only invite the ones who I know can separate business from pleasure. It’s also good for networking. They bring friends and I can grow my base. I’m sure you could get a few clients from this too.”

“No,” Crowley snapped. “I told you, I’m out of the business. Aziraphale is the only one I want fucking me from now on.”

“How very romantic,” Bee said with a smirk. “And yes, yes, I know. I only meant it would have been good before you went domestic. Besides, only maybe a quarter of these people are clients. The rest are friends.”

As if on cue, Hastur and Ligur stumbled up to them. It was only ten o’clock, but Crowley knew they had been drinking for hours.

“Heeey, what’s up guys?” Hastur threw an arm around Crowley’s shoulder and tugged him close to his chest.

Crowley laughed and pushed him away. “Careful, you’ll strangle me.”

“Nah,” Ligur said, waving his hand, “He’s not strong enough.”

“Oh yeah?” Hastur grabbed at Ligur and pinned him to the counter.

Crowley rolled his eyes. They always got more affectionate when they drank, which was far preferable to the opposite. He and Bee watched with amusement as the wrestled for a bit. After a moment, they settles and turned back to them.

“Come on, you two need to get on our level!” Hastur cried, holding up a shot glass.

Crowley raised his hands and shook his head. “No, no, I’m good. Aziraphale and I are spending the day together tomorrow and I don’t want a hangover.”

“Oh, come on!” Ligur pushed. “It’s New Year’s Eve and you’ve hardly been spending any time with us. Just let go for one night.”

Crowley glanced at Bee and she shrugged. “It’s true, we haven’t seen you much lately.”

He let out a sigh and dropped his head back. “Fine! Alright, you win. But this is your one time this month.”

He wasn’t telling them it, but he was trying to put this sort of life behind him. He was thirty-three and in a committed relationship. The wild parties and heavy drinking no longer appealed to him. He would in fact prefer to be at home, snuggled up with Aziraphale right now. Perhaps drinking a nice wine.

But he had promised Bee, and he felt bad going back on it. They had spent every New Year together since they were teenagers and it felt wrong to just change that now. Bee knew things were changing, but he didn’t want to cut her out. So, he would concede and get wildly drunk with them tonight, then crawl back to his new domestic life with Aziraphale.

Crowley took the shot glass from Hastur’s hand and threw it back, pulling a face and the harsh burn of the cheap alcohol. He had gotten spoiled by Aziraphale’s more expensive tastes. His friends cheered and he smiled at them as they lined up another round. Unfortunately, Crowley was too distracted by his friends to notice the lilac tinted eyes that watched him from across the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I heard some of you were wanting some angst...


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to All I Want by Kodaline while writing this and it definitely influenced how I wrote it.

Crowley smiled as he walked down the bright, sunny street towards Aziraphale’s shop. It was cold, but the warm sun helped. He was thankful that his hangover wasn’t too bad after the night he had. He was somewhat proud that he had been able to keep up with his friends, up until around one in the morning when he had passed out on Bee’s couch. When he had woken up, he had been worried that he would be late for his lunch date with Aziraphale, but Bee had had a change of clothes ready for him. She really was a life saver.

It had been a good night, dancing and laughing with his friends. But it had also reminded him why he wanted to make this change. His body didn’t bounce back like it use to, instead he awoke feeling achy and dizzy. The loud music left a pain behind his eyes that hadn’t once been there. Not to mention, he missed Aziraphale.

It was a bit pathetic, really. He had only gone one night without Aziraphale and he was already desperate to see him again. The gentle way in which Aziraphale held him had become an addiction, a desperate need that he wanted met at all times. When he was with Aziraphale he felt precious, and cared for, and wanted. He wouldn’t do anything to mess that up.

He skipped up the steps to Aziraphale’s shop and swung the door open. The sign was turned to closed, but that was to be expected. He and Aziraphale were going out. As he stepped into the middle of the shop, a strange energy reached him. It made him tense up and a little uncomfortable, but he brushed that feeling aside. He walked around the shelf and spotted Aziraphale behind the register. His back was to him and his head was angled down, looking at something in his hand.

“Hey angel.”

Aziraphale’s back suddenly stiffened and head shot up, still not turning. Crowley saw his fist tighten at his side, and something inside him trembled. That wasn’t Aziraphale’s normal response to hearing his voice.

“Aziraphale, are you alright?”

He watched as Aziraphale took several deep breaths, his shoulders shaking. Crowley swallowed. Something was very wrong. He took a few tentative steps forward.

“Angel…”

“How could you?” Aziraphale’s voice was so quiet it was almost a whisper.

Crowley frowned. “What?”

Aziraphale finally turned. His eyes were puffed and red rimmed, but he didn’t look sad. He looked furious.

“How could you do this to me? And how dare you come in here, calling me that, after what you did?”

Crowley blinked. Now he was very confused. “Aziraphale, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t lie to me!” he shouted.

Crowley jumped and cringed back. Aziraphale had never shouted at him before. He had never looked at him with so much anger. Crowley’s mouth had now gone very dry and his breathing was becoming shallower.

“I’m not lying! What are talking about?”

Aziraphale didn’t seem to hear him. “Out of all the people, why him? I told you I didn’t mind if you still wanted to keep your profession, so long as you were honest with me. But I thought you would have had the sense to know not him.”

Crowley was completely lost. “Keep my profession? I told you, I’m not taking clients anymore.”

Aziraphale laughed, sounding a little hysterical. “Oh, so it was just for pleasure then?”

Now Crowley was beginning to get angry himself. “Aziraphale, what the fuck are you talking about?”

Aziraphale threw his phone onto the desk. There was an image on the screen, and Crowley stepped forward to look at it. It was him, asleep on his side, on Bee’s couch. Crowley raised an eyebrow.

“Why do you have a picture of that?”

“You didn’t think you would get caught, did you?”

“Get caught doing what, sleeping?”

Aziraphale slammed his hand down on the desk, making Crowley jump. “Stop it! Stop pretending like you don’t know what I’m talking about!”

Crowley’s mind was spinning. Had Aziraphale lost his mind? Why the hell was he so furious about a picture of Crowley sleeping? He looked back to the phone and saw that the picture had been sent as a text. He reached one finger out and scrolled up. A single green message proceeded the picture.

_Had an excellent time with him last night. You should have recommended him to me sooner. He’s quite the shouter. Not normally my taste, but I admit I couldn’t resist. He was begging me for it, and you know how I like that. Perhaps we could share some time? Anyhow, I would keep this one on the payroll. He’s worth every penny._

Every word Crowley had read filled him with more and more dread. He knew before he looked at the name who the texts would be from.

“Gabriel,” he breathed.

“Yes,” Aziraphale snapped. “Gabriel.”

Crowley shook his head. He hadn’t even seen Gabriel at the party last night, and he certainly hadn’t slept with him. For one thing, even when he blacked out, he knew the feeling of being fucked when he awoke. For another thing, Bee had been there the whole night, and she never would have let anyone touch him. Gabriel must have seen him passed out and took the picture. He must have found out about his former profession from some of Bee’s regulars.

“Aziraphale, that’s not true. I didn’t sleep with Gabriel!”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows, and Crowley hated the cold look in his eyes. “You honestly think I’ll believe that when there is picture of you right there.”

“Yes, a picture of me sleeping. I fell asleep on Bee’s sofa last night. I promise you; I never even saw Gabriel!”

Aziraphale scoffed. “You can’t even manage to tell me the truth. How very disappointing.”

Something like panic began to claw its way up inside Crowley. Aziraphale wasn’t believing him. “I am being truthful, Aziraphale! Please, you have to believe me! You can’t honestly think so little of me to believe that I would cheat on you with that shit head.”

Aziraphale turned his face away. “I don’t even know what to think of you anymore.”

For the past few months Crowley had felt like he was floating, and now suddenly he was sinking. He was being dragged down and the light on the top of the ocean of his soul was slowly slipping from his grasp. There had to be a way to make Aziraphale see reason, to understand.

“Angel, please-“

“Don’t call me that!” Aziraphale snapped, his eyes of fire back on him. “Don’t you dare ever call me that again! How could you do this? I told you I loved you. I opened up to you in a way that I never have with anyone else, and this is what you do with that? Was this all some big game to you?”

“No, I-“

“But honestly, this is my fault. I should have expected this from someone like you.”

Crowley reeled back, his face contorting in pain. He felt like he had been struck full force in the chest. Even Aziraphale seemed to see through his fury that he had crossed a line.

“That’s not what I-“

“Someone like me?” Crowley asked in a hoarse whisper. “Someone like me?”

“Oh, don’t you dare try to turn this around on me after what you’ve done-“

“I haven’t done anything!” Crowley bellowed.

Aziraphale flinched, but otherwise remained unmoving. “You don’t need to add liar to your list of transgressions.”

And oh, now Crowley’s desperation and pain was transforming into a fury of his own. “I already told you, I’m not lying! But you don’t seem to want to hear that. But of course, like you said, why would you trust someone like _me_? I’ve only done everything I could to be good enough for you. But it’s clear I never will be. You would rather trust that piece of shit than the person who loves you. But it’s fine, I get it. I won’t bother sullying your home with my presence anymore.”

He spun around without waiting for a response and practically ran to the door. Aziraphale could have been shouting after him for all he knew, he could hear nothing over the blood that was rushing through his head. He barely recognized the blazing sun or the harsh cold that cut through him as he stumbled through the streets. He managed to make it to his car and flung himself inside. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see, couldn’t feel. The only thing in his mind were those words.

_Someone like you_.

So that was the truth then. Aziraphale had done a good job of pretending otherwise, but that was how he truly thought of him. He was just a filthy whore who Aziraphale had tolerated until he did something that displeased him. He couldn’t believe he had actually let himself believe Aziraphale would want more from him. Crowley pressed his forehead to the steering wheel and closed his eyes. No, this wasn’t his fault. He hadn’t done anything wrong. But that didn’t matter, not to Aziraphale.

The opinion and word of his horrible ex meant more to him that Crowley. God, that fucking hurt. The first sob that shook his body caused physical pain. As though it was going to shake him apart into nothing. He slammed his head against the wheel several times, as if that would stop the crying or the growing void within his chest from consuming him.

Aziraphale didn’t love him. Perhaps he never had. And he seemed to think that Crowley didn’t either, that it had been a game. That’s how low he truly thought of him. He believed Crowley was so despicable he had done all of this for sport. Like some fucking monster.

He had no idea how he made it home. It couldn’t have been safe, surely. He stumbled through his front door and barely made it to his sofa before he collapsed..

What the fuck was the point? He had done everything he could, and it hadn’t been enough. He wasn’t enough. Not for Aziraphale, not for anyone. He curled onto his side and pulled his knees to his chest as the reality crashed over him.

He and Aziraphale were over. He had made that very clear. He would never hold his soft body in his arms again. He would never be gifted with that mischievous twinkle in those blue eyes when he was please with him. No more soft kisses, no more warm sweaters, no more love from his angel.

_Don’t you dare ever call me that again!_

A keening wine escaped his lips. It didn’t feel real. Everything had been perfect, and now it was gone. Just like that. This was what he got for letting himself feel those things. Bee had been right; he never should have gotten attached. He had been a fool to let his walls down and this was his recompence. He had never in his life felt this sort of pain before. It somehow managed to be both sharp and dull, a dragging sort of thing that filled every fiber of his being with an ache that promised to never go away. So, this is what heartbreak was. He had thought it had been a metaphor, he never imagined it would literally feel like his heart was being crush in an angel sized palm.

At some point he managed to drag himself off the couch go to his cupboard, where he pulled down a bottle of scotch. Not bothering with a cup, he took the whole bottle with him to the couch and turned on the tv. He needed a distraction. He needed to forget. To forget Aziraphale. To forget the gentle way he always said his name. To forget the way hands felt so firm on his hips. To forget how much he loved him. To his dismay, the alcohol did not help. Instead, the more he drank, the less he could control his emotions.

A strangled scream broke its way free from his chest, and in a fit of fury he sent the bottle in his hand crashing against the wall. He stumbled to his feet, the misery and soul crushing sadness swirling like a whirlpool in his mind. He grabbed one of the glass figurines on his shelf and flung it to floor. The shattering glass felt appropriate. It felt like it should be him there, shards of him scattered across the smooth tile of his floor. But he needed more. He needed to hurt something like he was hurting. He barely recognized what he was doing as he tripped his was into the plant room.

He stopped when he got there. The mental image of Aziraphale standing in the light of the moon, reverently stroking one of the leaves, came unbidden to his mind.

_“Oh, Crowley, these are beautiful.”_

He reached out and mimicked the image in his mind, running his finger over one glossy leaf. His hand was shaking so badly that it made the entire plant tremble. His vision was obscured as the tears filled his eyes once more. In one movement, he snatched a handful of leaves and yanked. The plant flew to the floor, the pot shattering and soil going everywhere.

“He doesn’t love you!” Another plant crashed down. “He never did!” Dark green leaves ripped from stems. “You aren’t good enough! Why the fuck couldn’t you be good enough?” He grabbed an entire shelf, filled top to bottom with verdant plants, and pulled. It crashed down, covering the entire floor.

Crowley fell to his knees and continued to rip and tear at them until there was nothing but mulch beneath him. He fell forward and curled up on his side, the sobs only becoming more intense. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It wasn’t supposed to go down like this. He had had him. Or so he had thought. But had that ever even been real? Had it just been a fun fairytale for Aziraphale? Did Aziraphale not understand that he was a real person with real feelings?

_No, he knows. _His mind whispered. _He just doesn’t care. He thinks you’re trash. Just a whore who fucks the first person to offer you a few bucks. That’s all you are to him. _

He rolled over in the dirt and stared at the ceiling. His destructive fury had passed, and now he just felt… empty. What the fuck was the point of all this? It felt like an eternity later when he dragged himself off the floor and numbly made his way to his bed. He needed to sleep. He would sleep and forget.

Day passed into night and then day again. Crowley remained huddled beneath the warm of his comforter. He knew he should eat and drink something. His stomach was grumbling horribly, and his mouth was dry, but he couldn’t bring himself to get up. What was the point? At several points throughout the night and day he heard his phone going off, but he didn’t bother going to check it. If it was Aziraphale he didn’t want to talk to him. If it wasn’t, if he hadn’t even bothered to call or text him, well… he didn’t want to know that either. At around seven pm on the second day, he heard the front door bang open.

Crowley flinched and huddled further into the blanket. Only one person had a key to his place.

“Crowley!?” Bee called out. From the panic laced through her voice, she had likely reached the plant room. “Crowley?”

The footsteps approached the bedroom and it was suddenly filled with light as she flicked the light switch on. Crowley suppressed a whimper. A moment later the comforter was yanked up off him. He recoiled and wrapped his arms around himself. Slowly, he looked up and met Bee’s eyes. They were wide as they took in his soil covered clothes and likely terrifying appearance.

“Crowley, what the fuck? I’ve been texting and calling since yesterday morning! What happened to you?”

Crowley’s voice was hoarse from crying and screaming when he spoke. “You were right, Bee.”

She frowned. “About what?”

“About me. About Aziraphale. He doesn’t love me. I don’t know if he ever did.”

Rage flicked across her features. “What the hell did he do?”

Crowley relayed the details of what had transpired, tears threatening to fall again. By the end of it, Bee looked murderous. She began to climb off the bed.

“I’m going to kill him.”

“No!” Crowley cried, grabbing her wrist and pulling her back down. “No, please don’t. Leave it. I don’t want you to yell at him.”

Bee ground her teeth together. “Why not? Why don’t you want to hurt him like he hurt you?”

Crowley pressed his face into the pillow. “Because.”

“Because why?”

“Because I still fucking love him Bee! Even after what he said I still love him so much it’s causing me physical pain! I want to go to him and beg him to take me back and to forgive me!”

“But you didn’t even do anything!”

“You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t know how god damn pathetic I am? I’m so desperate for him to love me that I’ll take whatever punishment he wants to give me, even for a crime I didn’t commit! So just say it! Tell me that you were right and I’m an idiot and I never should have gotten involved with him.”

Bee stared at him in silence for several seconds, then let out a slow breath. “No, idiot. I’m not going to say that.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re hurting and what good will that do? But I need you to listen to me, Crowley. Look at me.”

When Crowley kept his eyes trained to the wall behind her, she gripped his chin and forcefully turned his eyes to her.

“Are you listening?”

He nodded.

“None of this is your fault. You did nothing wrong. He has hurt you and if this is how he’s going to treat you, then he doesn’t deserve you. You’re too good for him.”

Crowley burst into tears and shook his head. “No, no, that’s not true. He’s perfect and kind and-“

“No!” Bee shouted. “Kind people don’t do this shit! This is cruel.”

Crowley wanted to shrink away and hide. Part of him knew it was true. He had put Aziraphale on such a high pedestal and now he was facing the very real reality that he was only human. And humans hurt each other.

“I want to hate him Bee. I want to not love him anymore. But I can’t.”

Bee sighed. “I know. I know.”

She got up and turned off the light, then came back and laid beside him. She didn’t touch him or even say anything, but her presence near him helped him to calm down after a while. He laid facing away from her for hours, and he wasn’t sure if she had fallen asleep or not.

“Bee?”

“Hmm?”

He listened to the sound of her breathing. “Remember when you told Aziraphale that I had never loved anyone before?”

A moment of silence. “Yeah.”

“You were wrong. I’ve always loved you.”

She was quiet for a long time, and then he felt a gentle punch to his shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah, you loser.”

Crowley managed a small, sad smile. “I’m glad I have you.”

She let out shuddering breath. “Yeah, so am I.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This hurt me to write. I'm sorry. Also, this will have a happy ending but it's not going to be a quick fix. I hope you like it!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter in which Aziraphale comes to understand the full extent of what he has done. The next chapter will be up within the next few days!

Aziraphale sat and stared unseeingly at the book in front of him. It had been three days since his fight with Crowley and his fury and certainty had begun to waver. He had been so hurt and angry upon receiving that message that he had lashed out most viciously. Crowley’s pleading voice kept breaking through his thoughts.

_“Yes, a picture of me sleeping. I fell asleep on Bee’s sofa last night. I promise you; I never even saw Gabriel!”_

He shook his head. That couldn’t be true. How could he be at the same party as Gabriel and not see him? He was not an easy man to miss. He gripped his book tightly as his hands began to shake.

Crowley had betrayed him. He had found the one person in the world who had done Aziraphale the most harm and had given his body to him. The same body he had touched and kissed and loved. He flung the book onto the desk and dropped his head into his hands. The sound of his shop door slamming open made him jump. He looked up with wide eyes in time to see Bee spot him. Her lip curled back in a snarl, and her eyes were murderous. Aziraphale leapt to his feet.

“Bee, what are you doing here?”

She stomped towards him. “Don’t you fucking talk to me like you’re so damn innocent!”

“I- what-“ Normally he wouldn’t be cowed my someone so small, but he got the impression that she could do some real harm if she wanted.

Bee leaned over the desk and pointed a finger at him. “Sit down.”

Aziraphale straightened up and frowned, regaining some of his composure. “I hardly think you are entitled to come in here and make demands of me.”

Bee’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “I don’t give a flying fuck what you think. You _will _sit down and listen to me.”

Aziraphale swallowed. “Or what?”

“I promised Crowley I wouldn’t hurt you, but if you push me… then what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

He balled his hands into fists. “Oh, I think he has hurt me plenty as it is! Did he tell you what he did?”

“He didn’t do a god damn thing!” she snarled. “He never slept with your shitty ex!”

“That’s, no, that’s not… I have a picture!”

She scoffed. “Yes, a very incriminating picture of him fully dressed and asleep on my couch. I was there the whole night. Crowley never touched anyone. All he could do the whole night was talk about you and how much he wished you were there with him because he loved you so damn much.”

Aziraphale felt as though his stomach were going drop out of him. Crowley really hadn’t… He never… But then…

“Oh my God.” He slumped down into his chair and dropped his face into his hands.

All of the horrible things he had said to him raced back into his mind. The look of shock and hurt and Crowley’s beautiful face when he had said _someone like you. _Oh God. Oh God no. When he looked up at Bee, she was sneering at him in disgust.

“I didn’t… I didn’t know-“

“Yeah, except Crowley tried to tell you. He told you he never touched that shitbag and yet you chose to believe him over the person who had done nothing but be kind to you. The person who changed his life to better fit yours. Who so desperately wanted to be good enough for you that he made up some stupid arrangement in which you could pay him to be your boyfriend because he knew you needed control. He gave up his own power and control to be a better fit for you. He’s an idiot for doing it, but you’re the asshole who abused that power.”

Aziraphale’s eyes went wide. “Wait, what? He said he offered that service to others.”

“Yeah, well, he lied. He wanted to be with you, so he made that up so you could be comfortable. All he ever did was put you first and this is what you did with it.”

He felt like he was going to be sick. Crowley… sweet, wonderful, beautiful Crowley had done everything he could and he had ruined it. He went to reach for his phone.

“I’ll call him. I’ll tell him-“

“No!” Bee slammed her hand over the phone. “No, you will not. I’ll tell you what you’re going to do. You’re going to leave him the fuck alone. He’s a mess. He hasn’t left his bed in three day, he destroyed his plant room-“

Aziraphale gasped and covered his mouth.

“And he doesn’t want to talk to you. You’ve done enough. He needs to heal, and the only way that will happen is if he gets over you. That’ what I came here to tell you. I don’t want you getting bored of this little life you have and calling him back to you for a bit of entertainment. He’s suffered enough.”

“I wouldn’t-“

“I don’t care what you think you would do. You already used him enough.”

“I did not!” he shouted. “I never used him anymore than what we hadn’t agreed on. Of course, in the beginning it was a mutually beneficial relationship but then we figured it out.”

“Yeah, except you still needed to hold the power. You were still insecure, and you took it out on him. He loved you from the very start. And now, you’re going to let him go.”

Aziraphale felt like the room was spinning around him and he gripped the desk to try to stabilize himself. No, it couldn’t be over just like this. There had to be something he could do. He would apologize. He would beg him to take him back. Anything, anything, he couldn’t lose this.

“But… but I love him.”

Bee glared at him without sympathy. “Yeah, well when you love someone you don’t do this sort of thing to them.”

He felt the tears as they began to fall on his cheeks and turned his face away so that Bee wouldn’t see them, but he knew she did anyways.

“I need him to know that I believe him. That I do still love him.”

Bee spoke after a moment of silence. “If you really do love him, you’ll let him move on. And a word of advice, you should really look into getting professional help before you try to be with anyone else. Or this will all repeat itself.”

He didn’t look up as he heard her walk away. When he heard the bell over the door ring, he finally let himself collapse. His whole body shook violently as he took great gasping breaths. This was all his fault. He had destroyed the one truly good thing in his life because of his insecurity. And now Crowley, Crowley was in pain because of him. He had hurt him in a way he had never dreamed capable of doing. Oh, poor Crowley.

He grabbed his phone off his desk and dialed the first number that came to mind. An hour later, he heard the unmistakable backfire of Dick Turpin outside the shop. The door flew open a moment later and Anathema ran into the shop. She spotted Aziraphale slumped miserably in his chair and ran over.

“Aziraphale, what’s the matter? I couldn’t understand you over the phone, you were talking too fast and it sounded like you were hyperventilating. We came as fast as we could.”

Aziraphale shook his head. “I’ve done something horrible Anathema.”

She sat down on the floor in front of him. “What are you talking about?”

“It’s Crowley. I did something terrible, and now I don’t know what to do.”

Anathema pulled his hands into hers. “Tell me. I’m sure I can help you figure something out.”

And so Aziraphale told her everything. He started at the beginning with getting the text and ended with what had just happened with Bee. By the end of it, Anathema was leaning back against his desk, her brow furrowed. Aziraphale fell silent and waited for her to speak. When she finally did, she let out a slow, shaking breath.

“Jeez, Zira. That’s… wow. That’s a lot.”

“I know,” he whimpered. “I’m horrible.”

“I admit, that really doesn’t sound good. It sounds like you hurt him pretty badly.”

“I know! What should I do? How can I fix this?”

She leaned forward so that she was looking him in the eye. “Zira, I don’t… I don’t know if you can. Those things you said… I don’t know that I would be able to forgive someone who said that to me.”

He let out a sob. “But I can’t just let him think that I actually believe those things about him! I need to apologize. Even if… even if he doesn’t love me or want me anymore, he deserves to know what a good person he is.”

Anathema sighed. “I sort of agree with Bee, Zira. I think you should work on yourself before you attempt anything else. Maybe send him a text letting him know the truth and apologizing, but I think it should be up to him if he wants to see you again. You know that I love you. But you’ve really screwed things up this time.”

He nodded into his hands. She was right, of course. He had made this horrible bed and now he needed to lie in it. He had to pay for what he had done. When Anathema offered to go across the street to get them some coffee and food, he took that opportunity to open a text to Crowley. He chewed on his lip as he considered what to say.

_4:36: Crowley, I am so sorry for what I said to you. I didn’t mean any of it. I was angry and hurt and I lashed out at you without giving you a chance to speak. That of course is no excuse. I was horrible to you. I just need you to know that I think you are a wonderful person and you do not deserve the way I have treated you. There are not enough words to express how sorry I am. I don’t expect you to respond, nor do I require anything from you. I understand if you do not wish to speak to me again after everything I have done. Just know that I do still love you. If you ever wish to speak to me again, you know where to find me. Yours, Aziraphale._

He took a deep breath and hit send. Anathema returned shortly with the coffee and scones, and after telling him that Newt had left her here for the day, they made their way up to his flat. Aziraphale laid on the couch as Anathema took the other end and turned on the television. He didn’t pay attention to what was on or even hear what Anathema was saying as she occasionally remarked on something she found interesting.

At around eleven thirty, after Anathema had dozed off, Aziraphale checked his phone. The text he had sent had a little check with the words _Read: 5:21. _


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said this would be up in a few days but I'm on a role and I finished it early.

The loud hustle and bustle of the coffee shop urged Aziraphale forward. The café smelled amazing, but honestly, he didn’t want to be here. He hadn’t left his shop in the three weeks since Bee had kicked open his door for anything other than to go to his new therapist that Anathema had recommended. But Dr. Godwin had insisted that he try and get back to a regular schedule.

Even getting dressed had been difficult, with the memory of Crowley on every surface of his home. When he found a pair and antlers hidden beneath the couch, he had sat on the floor and stared at them for three hours. When he had found one of Crowley’s ties tucked between his headboard and mattress, he hadn’t left the bed for two days. He couldn’t sit in his back room without being flooded with the memory of laughing in the light of a lit fireplace or being crowded against the bookshelf. Crowley was everywhere, and it was driving him a bit mad. And while that would seem like a good reason to get out, Aziraphale did not see it that way. This was his punishment. He would endure these small tortures as penance for his actions. Dr. Godwin would not be pleased to hear it, but he thought his deserved to suffer.

He missed Crowley more than he thought was possible to miss someone. He wanted to see that wicked smile that was offset by those kind eyes. He wanted to make Crowley laugh in that way he did when he threw his head back. He wanted to hear him call him angel again. But he couldn’t. Not ever again. He had lost that, and there was nobody to blame but himself.

But now he was standing in and overcrowded and terribly bright shop, and people were giving him sideways glances. He peered through the glass case and forced a smile at the young barista who stepped up to take his order.

“Hey Mr. Fell, how are you doing?”

“Oh, I’m doing alright dear,” he lied.

“It’s been a few weeks since you or Mr. Crowley came in together. Is everything alright?”

Aziraphale swallowed and looked back at the shelf of desserts.

“Ah, Crowley and I are no longer together.”

The young woman’s eyes widened in horror. “Oh no! But you two were so sweet together! Is there no chance to work things out?”

Normally, Aziraphale would have snapped at her that it was none of her business. But his therapist had told him that he needed to work on being gentler with others when they didn’t meet his rigid expectations. The poor girl was only trying to be compassionate.

“No, dear, I’m afraid not. I’ll be coming in here alone from now on.”

She nodded sadly and handed over his order. He made a quick escape. It had begun to feel overcrowded, the swarms of people making him want to go into a panic. He wanted to get home as quickly as possible.

He rounded the corned and looked up, before freezing in his tracks. Crowley. Even with his head bowed and looking at his phone, Aziraphale would recognize that swaggering gate and flaming hair anywhere. He was even more beautiful than he remembered. He clamped his mouth down around a sob. Crowley glanced up when he was only a few feet away and froze. Aziraphale noted the range of emotions that flicked over his face. Shock, hope, fear, anger, sadness, and then settling on blank. It broke Aziraphale’s heart. He looked so tired. When he was able to speak, his voice sounded small to his own ears.

“Hello.”

Crowley swallowed. It took him several seconds to respond. “Hey ang- Aziraphale.”

“I didn’t expect to see you over on this side of town.”

Crowley shrugged and looked down. “Yeah, well, I kind of got use to the way they made my coffee over here. Don’t do it like this anywhere else. And I figured it was far enough away from your shop that I wouldn’t-“

He stopped, something like guilt flicking over his face. Even though Aziraphale had known it, it still torn something horrible at his heart to know Crowley had been actively avoiding going anywhere near him. He blinked away any threatening tears.

“Yes, well, I’m afraid I had the same idea. I’ve been trying to get out of my shop more. It’s not good for me to be locked in there all the time.”

Crowley nodded slowly and Aziraphale fiddled with his hands. He could feel the moment slipping away. Any second now Crowley would walk past him, and he might never see him again. He searched his mind desperately for something to say, anything to keep him there for a few moments more.

“I texted you. You didn’t respond.”

Crowley tensed up, the corners of his mouth pulling down. “Yeah, I know. I thought it would be best.”

Aziraphale kept his eyes glued to the pavement in front of him. “I… I just needed you to know that I was wrong. I never should have said those things to you. You are a far better person than I ever gave you credit for, and I was a complete idiot for not believing you. And I… I couldn’t live with you not knowing that I… that I still care for you.”

When Crowley remained silent, Aziraphale forced himself to look up at him. He was staring at him with an expression Aziraphale didn’t understand. He almost looked like he was in pain. Aziraphale desperately wanted to wipe that expression away.

“I’ve started seeing a therapist. To help me with, well,” he waved his hand around his head. “All of this.”

For the first time, something like a ghost of a smile flicked across Crowley’s face. “Good, I’m glad. So have I.”

Aziraphale nodded. “Good. How have you been?”

Once again, pain shot across Crowley’s face. “How have I…” He took a deep steadying breath. “What do you want from me, Aziraphale?”

He flinched at the harsh tone. “Want? I… I don’t want anything. I just wanted you to know-“

“And what good does that do me? How does knowing those things help me?”

“Well, I don’t know. I just wanted to apologize. I was horrible and wrong, and I was completely out of line. I understand if you never want to see me again, but-“

“Good. Are we done?” His voice was so horribly tight. Aziraphale knew that he sounded like that when he was overwhelmed with emotions but trying to hold it back. He found quite suddenly that he couldn’t hold his own emotions back.

“Done? No, Crowley, I don’t want to be done! I have been miserable since we split, and I know you have as well. I can’t bear the idea of our last conversation being the last thing we have between us. I still love you Crowley!”

Crowley closed his eyes and shook his head. “Don’t Aziraphale. I’m serious, just stop.”

“Why should I? Do you want me to get on my knees and beg you? Because I will. I will do anything to make it up to you! I will apologize every day for the rest of my life if I must!”

“I can’t do this, Aziraphale!” Crowley shouted. “Do you hear yourself? Does any of that sound healthy to you? What sort of relationship would that be? I don’t want you to beg or do any of those things, I just want you to stop. Loving you hurts, Aziraphale! Loving someone shouldn’t hurt. The thought of you shouldn’t make me feel like I’m dying. You want to know how I’m doing? Every god damn night I sit in my flat and think about you. And I hate it! I hate that so much of my life revolves around you to the point where I don’t even know what’s me anymore. It’s not healthy for either of us. I loved you so much that I compromised myself and who I was just to make you happy, and I can’t do that anymore. I’m fucked up and broken and I need to work on myself, and so do you.”

Crowley pressed a hand over his eyes. “Sometimes… sometimes love isn’t enough. And look, I shouldn’t have put you on such a high pedestal. I thought of you as a saint who could do no wrong, and that wasn’t fair to you. You’re human. And I… I forgive you. I do. So, don’t worry about that. But I can’t be with you, Aziraphale. I have so many damn issues that I’ve left unaddressed for so long, and I know you do as well. I’m tired of being self-destructive. I’m tired of putting what I want last. It obviously hasn’t been working, at least that’s what my therapist says. I’m just… fuck, I’m just tired. Neither of us can make anyone happy while we’re like this.”

He ran hand through his hair and took a deep breath. Aziraphale knew that people on the street had stopped to watch the spectacle, but he didn’t care. If he had thought his heart was broken before, it was nothing compared to this. Nothing compared to the rasping pain he heard in Crowley’s voice. If he could take all of that into himself, so that he could bear the weight of this agony and leave Crowley with none, he would. He wanted to reach for him. To hold him and tell him it would be alright. But Crowley was making it very clear that that would not be welcome. He noted the past tense of loved and tried his best to not let that destroy him.

“Crowley, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for doing this to you and causing you this pain. I promise I won’t bother you anymore. But is there anything at all I can do? Anything to help you. Whatever it is, I’ll do it.”

Crowley let out a deep sigh. “If you really want to do something for me, just take care of yourself. Go to therapy and go see your friends and live your life. Get yourself in a better state of mind and figure out what makes you happy outside of other people. That’s what you can do.”

Aziraphale’s lip trembled. Even when he was in pain, he was still thinking of him. Even now he wanted him to be happy. It was too much. He nodded stiffly. “I’ll try, dearest.”

Crowley swallowed hard pulled his sunglasses out of his pocket and slid them onto his face. “Yeah, right, good.”

He began to walk past him, and though Aziraphale tried to stop himself, he couldn’t help reaching out a hand to stop him. Crowley flinched out of his touch as though it burned, and Aziraphale closed his eyes to stop himself from breaking into tears.

“Crowley, just please tell me. I need to know for my own sanity, so I can move on. Do you still love me?”

Crowley was silent for several seconds. When he finally spoke, his voice was firm. “No, I don’t.”

He pulled away from Aziraphale and practically ran around the corner. Aziraphale remained standing on the corner for several minutes, the last remaining pieces of his hope crashing around him. Well, that was it then. Crowley was moving on. He didn’t love him anymore. Now he needed to find a way to do the same.

* * *

Crowley had no memory of making his way home. His feet must have led him here on pure muscle memory. He stumbled into his flat and closed the door before collapsing back against it. The lie that he had forced out of his mouth felt like pure acid, burning away at his taste buds. He slid to the floor and buried her face into his hands. He had no I idea how he had gotten his mouth to say those words, to tell Aziraphale he didn’t love him. It was bullshit and he knew it. But for the both of them, he had to do it.

He had almost crumbled when Aziraphale said he still loved him. He had almost run to him and told him it was alright. He forgave him. It would have been so easy to slip back into that. To throw away everything Bee had told him, everything he had told himself. He could have gone back to the bookshop with him and cuddled up on the sofa. He could have let him apologize to him over and over and over, while he promised to never do it again. But the memory of how he had felt when Aziraphale had spit those vicious words at him had forced him to stop.

He couldn’t do that again. He didn’t ever want to feel that feeling again. And if he went back to Aziraphale now, if he gave in after only a few weeks, it would certainly happen again. He had refused to acknowledge it while he was with him, but Aziraphale was just as broken as he was. They had tried to fit their broken edges together, but all that had done was cut them both.

He needed to complete himself before being with someone else. He had truly meant that. This pattern of giving everything to someone until there was nothing left couldn’t continue. He had to figure out what was best for him, and what he truly wanted out of this life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a whole lot of angst, but I PROMISE I know what I'm doing with the story. I hope you enjoyed it despite the pain!


	22. You're My Wasteland, Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so, this chapter was getting way too long and so I split it into two. Also, I know I haven't given any of the other chapters names, but this just felt right.

**Four Months Later **

Aziraphale tilted his head back to better enjoy the warm afternoon sun on his face. He smiled and breathed out slowly. Though it was nearing the end of May, it wasn’t terribly warm out here in the countryside. Just right, with a gentle breeze to rustle his hair.

“Will you need a ride back to the house?”

Aziraphale blinked and looked over at Anathema. She was leaning against the side of Dick Turpin and looking at him expectantly.

“Oh, ah, no I should be alright. It’s not too far of a walk, so long as the weather holds.”

She nodded, still looking skeptical. “Alright. But shoot me a text if you do end up needing a ride. It’s no trouble.”

He smiled warmly. “Thank you, my dear. I will let you know. Are you sure you don’t want to come?”

She glanced behind him and shook her head. “No, I think you should do this on your own.”

He nodded. She was right, of course. He feels a bit of nerves, but nothing like he once would have. A few months ago, he would never have been able to put aside his anxiety to be here. But now… Now he’ll be alright.

He waved to Anathema and turned away, walking into the open market. The weather today is perfect, the mid-May sun shining brightly with only a few white clouds in the sky. The chirping of birds sounds from ever tree, and he feels surrounded by life and love.

The sign over the entrance is handmade and incredibly charming. He smiles at a woman who is in the first booth. Jars of organic honey sit in neat little rows on her table.

“Would you like to try a sample?” she asks pleasantly.

And well, he’s really in no rush. The market just opened an hour ago and will remain open for several hours more. So, he steps up to the stand and tries several absolutely delectable honeys. He buys two jars and she bags them up into a neat brown sack. He would love to come to a market like this every week, if he lived nearer. He swings his bag as he walks, humming gently under his breath. There are booths of all kinds, and he finds himself enjoying looking at all of them. There are farmer stands with every sort of vegetable that is local to the area and fruits that look scrumptious. There are handmade items and artisan breads with slices of cheese and cool drinks, and Aziraphale has a lovely time looking at all of them. But it isn’t until he reached the booth near the back of the market that he finds what he’s looking for. And oh, what he sees takes his breath away.

He’s there, just behind the table. His hair is longer now, brushing along his shoulders and curling at the tips. Where he had been all dark colors and style before, he’s softer now. Still stylish, of course, but more comfortable. He’s wearing a loose fitted tan shirt that moves easily with him. He has a bandana tied around his head to keep his hair out of his face and he’s surrounded by the most beautiful flowers Aziraphale has ever seen. But best of all, he’s smiling. Not smirking and teasing, not sarcastic or even amused. He looks so genuinely happy, and Aziraphale can’t help the smile that lights up his own face. He looks like he belongs here. Aziraphale has never seen anything so breathtaking.

Aziraphale approached slowly. Crowley was finishing helping a customer.

“Oh, Crowley,” the older woman coos, “You always know just what I need. These flowers will look lovely in my kitchen.”

“I’m glad I could help Alice. Will I be seeing you next week?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss out on my chance to see that handsome face.”

Crowley chuckles and winks. “You flatterer. Have a great day.”

Alice walked away, and as his eyes made to follow her, they landed on Aziraphale. Shock flicked across his face, but where a few months ago it had been followed by pain, that never showed up now. He looked a bit uncertain, but his mouth settled into a smile, which Aziraphale returned as warmly as he could.

“Hey.”

“Hello, dear.”

Aziraphale approached so that he was standing directly on the other side of the booth. Crowley’s eyes moved down his body and then settled back on his face.

“What are you doing here? How did you know I would be here?”

Aziraphale raised an eyebrow. “Anathema told me. I believe it was Bee who told her.”

Crowley scoffed and rolled his eyes fondly. “Of course. They’ve been spending entirely too much time together.”

Aziraphale laughed. “I don’t know, they all seem rather good for each other. Between Anathema and Bee, they have a solid set of heads on their shoulders, which more than makes up for Newt.”

Crowley snorted and shook his head. “That boy would lose himself without Anathema.”

“Oh, most certainly.” A silence settles between them, and Aziraphale looked around at the vibrant colors of the flowers. “Unfortunately, Anathema didn’t give me any details. When did you first set up your booth?”

“Oh, nearly a month ago now. I used a portion of my saving the get my initial inventory and all the necessary items. Once I set up, I found that I could turn a pretty good profit out here. I’ve been renting a room in Tadfield on the weekends for an easier commute here on Sundays. Too much work to come all the way down from Mayfair.”

“Well,” Aziraphale beamed, “I’m so glad to hear it. I always said you had the loveliest plants in the country. These appear to be no exception.”

He ran a finger delicately over one of the petals, and when he looked back at Crowley, he found that he was watching his hand intently. That intensely interested gaze sent a familiar thrill through his body, but he pushed that down. He was most certainly not here for that. He had come to support Crowley as a friend.

“Well, I would love to purchase a bouquet of your finest flowers.”

Crowley flashed him a full smile. “What would you like?”

“Oh, you know I don’t know much about flowers. Why don’t you pick for me?”

Crowley pressed his lips together and looked around. Then he reached out and plucked a single flower from a bundle nearby. It had a long, thin body that bloomed into a full blossom of pure white petals. Crowley held it out to him, and Aziraphale took it with a slightly bemused smile. He had asked for a full bouquet.

“What type is this?”

Crowley’s eyes flashed up to his. “It’s called an Angel’s Trumpet.”

Aziraphale inhaled sharply and his eyes widened. Even though he hadn’t called him it, he had thought he would never hear that word leave his lips again. He felt the air crackle and tension grew between them. Crowley’s brow had pulled into a slight frown, and that just wouldn’t do.

“Well,” Aziraphale breathed. “It’s lovely my dear, thank you.”

Crowley cleared his throat. “Er, yeah, it’s no problem. Was there anything else you needed?”

Aziraphale rolled the stem of the flower in between his fingers and considered that question. When he looked up at Crowley, he met his eye and smiled.

“I’ve been writing letters to you.”

This clearly hadn’t been what Crowley thought Aziraphale was going to say. His brow furrowed, perplexed. “What-“

“It was at the insistence of my therapist,” Aziraphale continued. “She wanted me to write down the things I regretted most in my life, and well, no matter where I tried to take it, it always came back to you.”

Crowley blinked a few times. “What did you write in these letters?”

Aziraphale glanced down at the flower in his hand again. “All sorts of things. Mostly how I wished I had been better to you. I wrote down all the things I would do differently. I wrote how I would have taken better care of you. I realized that my insecurities had manifested into a need for power that unbalanced us. I was so afraid of being hurt I didn’t realize I was hurtling towards my own destruction by my own hand. Dr. Godwin has helped me implement healthy coping mechanisms.”

Crowley appeared to be mulling something over in his head. “Did you… I mean, did you want to give me the letters?”

“Oh,” Aziraphale’s eyes widened. “Oh, no my dear. They were just a way for me to talk to you without actually involving you. For closure.”

Crowley nodded. “Closure. Right.”

“But, well,” Aziraphale took his bottom lip in between his teeth. “Crowley, I understand that we can never have the relationship we had before. I know we can never be together, and you don’t want that, anyways. I would never ask that of you. But, well, I was thinking perhaps we could be just friends.”

Crowley’s eyebrows slid up his forehead. “Friends?”

“Yes. Well, it’s just that I feel as though we know each other in a way very few other people do. And I thought perhaps we could offer support to each other.” He looked down shyly. “I miss talking to you. I miss our conversations and the way you would argue with me over such silly things. I mean, I have Anathema, but you can’t really argue with her. She just sort of steamrolls her way through. I felt more on even footing with you.”

He looked up to see if his attempt at humor had any effect on Crowley, but he was just watching him with that same small frown.

“And look, Crowley, I’m not asking for anything besides a sympathetic ear for the both of us. I understand of course if you don’t want that. Perhaps you have enough friends. I know you could never love me again and that’s fine. You’ve moved on, and that’s good. But I could use a friend and-“

“Hey, here’s your coffee.”

Aziraphale stopped as a young man came up behind Crowley and held out a paper cup. Crowley gave a start and turned to the newcomer. The man was dark skinned, and he had beautifully long eyelashes, and he gave Crowley a stunning smile. He was younger than Crowley, likely mid-twenties. He was very handsome, and Aziraphale felt only the smallest twinge of sadness. Crowley had in fact moved on and found someone new. Someone young and beautiful and likely with far less problems. And though his heart gave a painful thud, he found that he wasn’t as hurt or sad as he thought he would be. He was happy for Crowley. Above all else, he just wanted to Crowley to be happy. So, when the young man turned his eyes to him, he gave him his best smile.

“Oh, uh, thanks Erik. Um, Erik, Aziraphale. Aziraphale, Erik.”

Erik held out his hand and Aziraphale took it. “Hey, good to meet you mate.”

“Yes, pleasure.” And as he said it, Aziraphale found that he meant it. Any man that could make Crowley happy, it would be a pleasure to meet them.

When he released his hand, the younger man turned to Crowley. “Do you need anything else?”

Crowley shook his head. “Nah, not right now.”

“Alright, I’ll go take inventory then.”

“Mm.”

Aziraphale watched him go, and then looked back to Crowley. “Well, he’s very handsome.”

Crowley raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“You’re young man. He’s very handsome.”

Crowley choked on his coffee, and Aziraphale reached out a hand to pat his back, but then thought better of it and folded them in front of him. Crowley thumped his chest and shook his head.

“What? No, no, I’m not with Erik. He’s my assistant. He’s Ligur’s younger cousin and barely out of Uni, so I gave him a job for the summer.”

Heat, and admittedly, relief washed through Aziraphale. He squashed that second emotion down. Just because he wasn’t with Erik didn’t make him any more available to him.

“Oh, I see. Terribly sorry. I just assumed.”

An awkward silence stretched between them, and Aziraphale scrambled to get back on track.

“Right, so as I was saying. We could be friends. We could, I don’t know, meet up once a month for lunch and just catch up. It might be good for us.”

Crowley rubbed the back of his neck. “Um, I don’t know. It might not be the best idea.”

Aziraphale felt that glimmer of hope sink down inside him. Right, yes. It had been a long shot, just something Aziraphale had thought might be helpful to them.

“Of course, dear, I completely understand. You must do whatever is best for you. I only thought I would make the offer while I was here. But honestly, I really did come here to show some support.”

Crowley smiled, but it looked a bit forced. “Thank you. That means a lot, Aziraphale.”

“Of course, my dear.” He glanced around, knowing his time with Crowley was drawing to an end. “Well, if you change your mind or want to talk about it, I’ll be staying at Anathema’s for the night before I return to London tomorrow. Or you could always text me, if you ever need anything. I’ll be there. But if not, I completely understand.”

He began to turn away, then stopped. He looked intently at Crowley’s face, so open and lovely. “Have a wonderful life, my dear. You deserve it.”

With that he turned away and began to make his way back through the market. It all felt a bit less magical than it had when coming in. He had of course prepared himself for this outcome, but that didn’t stop the feeling of disappointment that built in his heart. He had hoped to have Crowley in his life in any form, even if that meant supporting him while he dated other people and found love in other places. Having Crowley as a friend would be better than to not have him at all.

But it made sense. Crowley had moved on. He didn’t need him in his life. He had Bee and Hastur and Ligur and Dagon. Plenty of friends. There was no point in dragging up the past that might remind him of bad times. He inhaled deeply and nodded. He would respect Crowley’s wishes.

Though even as he exited the market, he had daydreams about Crowley running after him. About hearing his voice shout over the crowd as he ran towards him. He thought what it would feel like to feel Crowley’s arms around him as they hugged, and Crowley told him he did want him in his life. But that never happened. He made his way up to the main road and began to walk in the direction of Anathema’s house.

When he arrived an hour later, Anathema was sitting out front with cup of tea and a book. She set it down when Aziraphale opened the gate.

“Well, how did it go?”

Aziraphale smiled and sat in the chair beside her. “It was lovely. It’s a beautiful market. Crowley’s booth was the loveliest of course. He looked truly happy.”

“That’s good,” Anathema said with a nod. “And did you ask him about being friends?”

Aziraphale sighed and nodded. “Yes, I did.”

“And?”

“Crowley said he wasn’t sure that would be best. Which makes sense, of course. I had prepared for him to say that. I’m a bit disappointed, but I’ll be alright. Everything passes with time, right?”

“That’s right,” Anathema said, patting his hand. Her eyes shone bright with sympathy that he really didn’t want to see.

“Well, I think I’ll go have a lie down. All that walking took a lot out of me.”

“You’ll be down for dinner, right?”

“Yes, of course. I wouldn’t dream of missing out on Newt’s pot roast.”

He made his way into the house and up the stair to the guestroom. He closed the door and the lied down on the bed. Even here, memories of Crowley lingered. The memory of curling up on the bed with Crowley that night after the Christmas party, right after they had said they loved each other for the first time. But where a few months ago that memory would have been enough to make him want to curl into a ball and weep, he now only felt a twinge of sadness and longing. As Dr. Godwin said, it did no good to linger on past pains unless he could do something to improve it in the present. And he had done all he could.

He would have to accept that Crowley would remain in his past. He would move on fully with time, and perhaps in the future he would meet someone else who could love him as he was. And if he found them, he would never repeat the mistakes of his past. He would cherish them and tell them he loved them with open abandon. Because all guarding his heart did was keep it lonely and miserable and trapped.

Later that evening he enjoyed a nice dinner with Newt and Anathema, and he found himself very grateful to have them. He tried his best to be in the moment with them, and not slip into his thoughts. Anathema helped him, catching him when he would begin to get that lost look in his eyes. He stayed up later than normal, holding out a little bit of hope that Crowley would come over. It was silly, really. Even if he was just down the road, why would he come over so late at night. If he did want to talk to him, surely, he would just send a text or call. That was what reasonable people did.

When Aziraphale finally did go to bed, he laid there for a long time before falling asleep. He checked his phone multiple times, hoping for a text or call that never came. He was being ridiculous. Crowley had made it completely clear where he stood on this matter.

The next morning, he called a cab to take him back to Soho. Anathema insisted that she could drive him, but he assured her it was alright. He would rather be alone with his thoughts for a while, and there was no need for her to take so much time out of her day. The ride back was peaceful, with the cab driver playing classical music from his radio and not saying much other than asking basic directions. Aziraphale enjoyed the passing scenery of the countryside and thought once again about how much he would like to buy a place out here. But of course, living alone in the countryside would get very lonely without his customers and the locals of Soho.

They pulled up to the curb outside the shop and Aziraphale paid his fair. He thanked the cab driver as he got out and watched him drive away with a small smile. He turned back towards the shop and was about to walk to the steps when he froze. Because there, sitting on the steps to the shop, was Crowley.

He was sitting hunched over with his elbows planted on his knees, and he was looking right at him. His sunglasses were off, and Aziraphale was hit with the full force of his unguarded gaze.

“Hey there, angel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I REALLY hope you liked this chapter, because we're finally getting to where this angst train has been going since the very beginning. If you're worried about waiting for the next chapter, don't fret, it will be up later today. Likely within the next 12 hours, so lookout for it.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 to the last chapter. Make sure you've read the last part first, or you'l be very confused.

Aziraphale felt like he was in a trance as he walked forward and stopped at the step.

“Crowley? What are you doing here? How long have you been waiting?”

He shrugged. “Not long. About an hour.” He stood and Aziraphale saw a bouquet of blue and white flowers. He felt his lips part as he sucked in a breath. “You asked for a bouquet yesterday and I never gave you one. Thought I would hand deliver these myself.”

Aziraphale couldn’t drag his gaze away from the flowers. “Would… I mean, would you like to come in?”

Crowley nodded, his eyes searching Aziraphale’s face. Aziraphale moved passed him and at this proximity, he could feel the heat radiating off him. He wanted to lean into it, but he resisted the urge. Once he got the door open, they both walked in and Crowley closed it behind him. Aziraphale walked to the middle of the shop, then turned back. Crowley was still standing in front of the door, and Aziraphale was reminded of the first time he had ever seen him. Only Crowley looked less confident now, his eyes still moving rapidly over Aziraphale. He needed to know why he was here. Had he really just come to deliver some flowers? He took a step towards him.

“Crowley-“

“I don’t want to be your friend, Aziraphale.”

Aziraphale stopped and blinked. He said it quietly, but with enough force behind it to throw Aziraphale off.

“N-no?”

“No,” Crowley, shook his head. “I don’t want to have lunch with you once a month or text you every few weeks to see how you’re doing.”

Aziraphale felt a lump rising in his throat. Had it really been necessary for Crowley to come all the way here to say this? He would have gotten the same message if Crowley had simply stayed away. Was he trying to be purposely cruel?

“Crowley, I-“

“I lied to you.”

Once again, Aziraphale stared at him. “When?”

“When I said I didn’t still love you.”

Aziraphale’s breath left him in a huff. He felt his eyes go wide in surprise and he suddenly felt very lightheaded.

“What?”

“I had to, so that we could move on. And I did. Or at least I thought I had. I have my new business and my friends and my passions, but something is missing. I kept lying to myself, saying I didn’t know what it was. That these feelings would go away eventually.” Crowley said this in a rush, his eyes wide and a little bit frantic.

“And then I saw you yesterday. And fuck, you’re just as beautiful as the first time I saw you. And I’m better now, than I was. Much better. I know what I want and I’m not afraid to go after it. But Aziraphale…” He stopped, looking around the shop as though he would find the words he wanted lying around in here. “When I was with you, you made me want to be better. Regardless of how it ended, you showed me that I could have the life I wanted. You encourage my gardening and made me feel like I could do anything. I don’t know that I would have been able to do what I’ve done without you.”

“No, my dear, you would have. You’re brilliant,” Aziraphale hurried to say.

Crowley smiled. “Maybe. But you helped. You never told me I was being silly, or that selling plants wouldn’t make me enough money, or that I couldn’t do it.”

Aziraphale shrugged and motioned to the room they were standing in. “Well my dear, I did open a shop that hasn’t made a single profit since it was established. Why would I tell you not to go after your dreams?”

“Exactly! You believed in me. I haven’t had a lot of people do that in my life. So how could I stop thinking about you? Even though we were both a mess, I think we were better when we were together.”

Aziraphale swallowed and licked his lips. Surely Crowley couldn’t be saying what he thought he was saying.

“And yesterday, when you said that you knew that I didn’t love you anymore, that nearly broke my heart all over again. Because it’s not true. I tried. I really did. I tried to forget about you like Bee told me I should. But, how could I? How could I not think about the way you would look at me first thing in the morning? Or the way you would tease me so casually. Or the way you would smile at me like I was the most beautiful and precious thing you had ever seen.”

Aziraphale was doing his best to continue breathing as Crowley spoke, but he was having a hard time. Crowley didn’t seem to notice as he continued, pacing back in forth in front of the door.

“I was so, so angry after what happened. And I was right, we needed to get our shit together before we could work. And I’ve made so much progress. And just looking and listening to you, I could tell you had as well. And you looked so hopeful and sweet when you asked if we could be friends. But in my mind, my thoughts were just screaming ‘No! No, I still love you. I want so much more than that. It’s not enough.’ And yesterday those thoughts scared me, so I shut them down. But, well, I’m much better at asking for what I want now. I don’t deny myself things just because I’m scared. So, angel, I’m asking you. Do you want to try this again?”

In that moment, Aziraphale couldn’t have spoken if he were compelled by God herself. He knew his mouth was hanging open, but he couldn’t do anything more than stare. Crowley still loved him? And he wanted to be with him? He wanted to try out a relationship again? His brain was having an exceedingly difficult time processing all of this.

When Aziraphale didn’t answer, Crowley frowned, looking a bit uncertain. “I admit I don’t know much about where you are in your life now, or what you want. We could take things super slow if that’s what you would like to go back to. If you really do want to be only friends, of course I understand but-“

Aziraphale crossed the floor to him in a few footsteps and shoved him back against the door. The bouquet fell from Crowley’s hands as he surged them upwards to tangle in his blonde curls. Theirs mouths came together in a rush of heat and passion. All of the yearning and desire Aziraphale had been trying to put aside rushed out of him as he slid his tongue into Crowley’s mouth, and if the responding moan was any indication, Crowley felt the same. Their mouths fit together perfectly, and Aziraphale couldn’t help but think this felt like coming home. Crowley broke out of the kiss first, but kept their foreheads pressed together and Aziraphale continued to grip the front of his shirt.

“Fuck, angel, I’ve missed you so god damn much.” He breathed the words into him, almost sounding on the edge of despair. “I thought about you every day. About your eyes, and your hair, and your hands, and this _mouth.” _He punctuated his sentence with another kiss. “I missed every-fucking-thing about you.”

“Language,” Aziraphale scolded quietly, his voice utterly ruined.

Crowley laughed, his breath warm against Aziraphale, and he giggled along with him.

“_Language_,” Crowley said with a roll of his eyes. “You’re such a bastard. I missed that too.”

Aziraphale kissed him again, slower this time, just memorizing the feel of his lips against his own. “I missed you too my darling. I missed your wit and your wicked sense of humor. I’ve missed your brilliant mind and your kind eyes.”

“Not kind,” Crowley growled, but he was smiling against the kiss.

“No, of course not. You’re absolutely dastardly.”

Crowley pulled back again, and this time he put a few inches of space between their faces. His eyes were serious again.

“Angel, you can’t do what you did again. You can’t treat me that way. You can’t be so callous or cruel. We can’t go back to the dynamic we had before, with me giving everything I have and you holding back for control. I deserve better.”

Aziraphale took his face in between his hands and looked into his eyes with as much intensity as he could muster. “No, never again my love. I promise to you that I will be better. I’ll love you the way you deserve to be loved. I won’t be perfect, I’m not. But I vow to work every day to be deserving of your love and time. I love you more than anything and I trust you above all others. If you ever feel I am being indelicate with you, please tell me.”

Crowley nodded and rested his forehead against his once more. “I will. I’m better at communicating now, I think. And if we ever do fight, which is bound to happen, and we say something the other doesn’t like, we’ll work through it together.”

Aziraphale felt lighter than he had in a very, very long time. Years, perhaps. Crowley still loved him. He wanted to work through their problems together. He had never dared to hope for this, and yet here was this magnificent, wonderful man.

“Yes, my love. I won’t let you go again.”

Crowley chuckled. “Is that a promise?”

“It is.”

Their mouths found each other once more and Aziraphale pressed his whole body against Crowley’s, effectively pinning him to the door. In turn, Crowley slotted his knee in between Aziraphale’s legs and pressed up. A gasping moan broke free from Aziraphale lips and Crowley swallowed it hungrily. Then Crowley’s mouth was moving from his lips to his neck. He pressed a few light kisses and then gave a hard suck right against his pulse.

“Oh, God, Crowley.”

“Mine,” Crowley growled as he sucked another kiss against his collar bone. “You’re mine. My angel.”

“Yes, I’m yours. I always have been,” Aziraphale said breathlessly. “For as long as you’ll have me.”

Crowley moved his face back up to Aziraphale’s and he saw that his pupils were fully blown. “Always. It’s always been you, angel.”

And oh, Aziraphale couldn’t resist. He dropped to his knees and began to frantically unbuckle Crowley’s pants. Crowley watched with half hooded eyes. Though his pants were tight, Aziraphale could be quite strong when he wanted, so with one firm tug they came down to his knees. His underpants came along with them, and his erection sprang free.

Aziraphale breathed out, and for one long moment, he just sat and admired the sight before him. He had believed he would never see this sight again. Crowley, so tall and lean, standing over him with his perfect cock flushed and ready for him. He fought back the thought that he didn’t deserve this. He would not self-sabotage.

“Angel?”

He looked up and saw Crowley looking down at him with a bemused smile. “Are you just going to stare at me all day?”

Aziraphale smirked. “Don’t tempt me, my dear.”

He reached out and gripped the base of Crowley’s cock, then licked all the way up the underside, making sure to swirl his tongue around the tip. Crowley slammed his head back against the door and thrust his hips forward, which Aziraphale stopped by grabbing onto them.

“Fuck, shit, s-sorry, angel. It’s just been awhile.”

Aziraphale glanced up at him and raised an eyebrow. “Would you like to do it yourself? I could just open my mouth and let you take your pleasure from me.” He pressed a kiss to the head. “Whatever you want my love, I’ll do it. Whichever way I can best show you how much I love you.”

Crowley huffed out a breath and shook his head. “No, angel. I want… I want this. I want your hands on me.”

Aziraphale smiled and nodded. “Of course, dearest.”

Without giving him a warning, he took him all the way into his mouth. Crowley moaned loudly once more but managed to keep his hips still. Aziraphale used his hand to pump at the base while he slid his mouth over the rest of the length, making sure to pay special attention to the tip, just as Crowley liked.

“God, Aziraphale, when I said I missed your mouth, this is _exactly _what I meant.”

Aziraphale laughed around the cock in his mouth and the vibrations seemed to make Crowley’s knees go weak. Aziraphale grabbed one of his legs and lifted it so that it rested on his shoulder, giving him the support he needed. Crowley dug one hand into his curls and tugged lightly, which set Aziraphale’s inside on all sorts of fire.

Aziraphale took him all the way into his throat and swallowed around him, which caused Crowley to cry out and pull more urgently on his curls.

“Angel, angel stop! I’m going to come.”

Aziraphale nodded, but Crowley just pulled harder. “No, angel, not like this. Please, I want to fuck you. I need to.”

At this, Aziraphale pulled off and looked up at him. He was achingly hard in his own trousers, and he honestly wanted nothing more than that. “Oh, yes, please my darling.”

Crowley pulled him up so that he was standing and kissed him once again before beginning to walk them backwards. As they moved, Crowley pulled and yanked at Aziraphale’s buttons roughly, and for once, Aziraphale found he didn’t care. He could always get his buttons repaired later. He flung off his waistcoat and then his shirt before moving his hands down to his fly, which he unzipped and pulled down with more forced than was strictly necessary. He kept their mouths interlocked the entire time.

Aziraphale felt his hip hit his desk, and then Crowley was turning him around and pressing him forwards until he was lying across it. He looked over his shoulder and saw Crowley kick off his shoes and then his jeans all the way before dragging his shirt over his head. He pressed himself against Aziraphale, and his cock slid up against his back.

“Fuck, I’ve wanted to have you like this for so long.”

Aziraphale felt his long fingers reach around him and gave a little gasp when they wrapped around his own erection. He pumped him few times, leaning forward and peppering kisses down his back.

“Lube?”

“In, oh, in the left drawer.”

Crowley leaned away to slide open the furthest drawer and pulled out a bottle. He poured a generous amount on his fingers, and then brought them down to circle his entrance.

“Do you want this, angel? Do you want me to fuck you like this, over your own desk, like the bastard you are?”

“God, yes, Crowley, yes.”

One finger slid in and Aziraphale pressed back against it. He wanted Crowley to fill him up, to consume him completely. He had never needed something so badly. Crowley slid in another finger and stretched him wider, but Aziraphale wanted more. He thrust backwards, using his hold on the side of the desk to give him leverage.

“Still greedy, huh?” Crowley asked, and there was a smile in his voice.

He curled his fingers, hitting that perfect spot and Aziraphale bit down on his arm.

“You could get off like this, couldn’t you? Fucking yourself on my fingers without me ever touching your cock.”

Aziraphale was used to being the one who used dirty talk, the one who took control of these situations. He was pleasantly surprised with how confident Crowley sounded, one hand firm on his back while the other fucked into him. He had never heard anything sexier. He was perfectly happy to give over this control to him.

“Yes, yes, please.”

“That’s right, beg me for it. Beg for what you need.”

He curled in a third finger and the burn was wonderful and intoxicating. Aziraphale thought he might be right about coming untouched, just like this, but he wanted more. So, so much more. He was, after all, very greedy.

“Crowley, please, fuck me.”

He felt Crowley’s fingers slide out and he almost wailed at the emptiness that left behind. But a moment later he felt the unmistakable feeling of Crowley’s cock pressing against him. Then he was inside him, sliding in maddeningly slow, his hands digging bruises into his hips. Aziraphale sunk his teeth into his arm when he felt that Crowley was fully seated. Then Crowley slid almost all the way out before thrusting in again.

“Crowley, oh my God, yes, keeping going like that.”

“You like that angel? You like when I use you how I like? Jesus, you’re so tight and hot. You like how I feel inside you?”

When Aziraphale didn’t answer besides to moan, Crowley fisted his hand in his hair and pulled back. And oh, Aziraphale almost came then and there. The feeling of Crowley taking complete control made him dizzy.

“Answer me, angel. Use your words, or I’ll stop now and leave you a trembling mess with no relief.”

“Ah, yes, Crowley, I love how you feel inside me.”

“There’s a good boy.”

“Oh, fuck.”

“Yeah, let me hear those dirty words from that pretty mouth.” He kept one hand in his hair, holding his head back while the other reached around to begin stroking his cock.

“Fuck, yes, I’ll say whatever you want me to my love. God, your cock feels so good in me. I never want anyone else, just you. Just your cock forever.”

Crowley moaned, deep and low, his hips picking up their pace and stoking him in equal measure. “Yes, angel, just us. Just us.”

When Aziraphale came, he saw stars. A high-pitched cry forced its way out of him as he clenched around Crowley, and a moment later Crowley’s hips stuttered in their movement as he came inside him. Aziraphale pressed his sweat soaked forehead to the polished wood of his desk and took several deep breaths, trying to calm his pounding heart. Crowley slipped out of him and moved away towards the small private downstairs bathroom. Without his support, Aziraphale slid down the desk and sat on the floor. A moment later, Crowley returned with a damp towel and wiped the spend off Aziraphale’s still trembling thighs before dropping down on the floor beside him.

They sat shoulder to shoulder, both breathing heavily and with their eyes closed. Aziraphale reached out blindly and found Crowley’s hand. He laced their fingers together and brough it to his mouth to give it a kiss.

“That was… that was wonderful, my dear.”

Crowley snorted and rolled his head to look at him. “Wonderful? That’s the only word you can think of?”

Aziraphale narrowed his eyes. “What words would you use?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Incredible, mind blowing, world changing, knock-your-fucking-socks-off fantastic.”

“Language, dear.”

Crowley opened his mouth and turned to him with an incredulous look, but when he saw the smug smile on Aziraphale’s face, burst into laughter.

“And you call me the demon. Don’t know how I’ve gotten away with calling you angel for so long. You are an absolute terror.”

Aziraphale wiggled a bit. “But you love me for it.”

Crowley’s wide smile transformed into a smaller, more delicate thing. “Yeah, I do.”

He reached up to cup his jaw and pull his mouth to his. They kissed soft and slow, and when they broke apart, shared a gentle smile.

“I really did miss you my dear.”

Crowley stroked his jaw. “So did I.” Crowley leaned back and rested his head against the desk, looking up at the ceiling. “There’s only one more problem to solve.”

Aziraphale frowned. “And what’s that?”

Crowley shot him a half grin. “We have to tell Bee about this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, SO. I know that a lot of people wanted Aziraphale to have to beg and grovel to get Crowley back, but that just didn't feel healthy and it would have once again put them at a power imbalance, just the other way around. I thought it would make more sense for these characters to come back together mutually once they were in a healthy place. I hope you enjoyed this sweet reunion after all that angst! You're comments have been incredible and have really been the motivating factor behind this whole fic, and are the reason I've finally been able to put out daily chapters. So thank you so much!


	24. Chapter 24

**One Month Later **

The late afternoon sun came in slants through the blinds to fill up the overly posh living room. Baroque played from the radio beside the flat screen TV and the scented candles throughout the home gave it a welcoming glow.

Gabriel sat in his overpriced armchair, a glass of chardonnay in one hand and a legal report in the other. This was one of his favorite ways to enjoy an afternoon, besides destroying his opponent on the courthouse floor, that is. He was enjoying the peace of his temple when it was interrupted by a knock at the door. He frowned and set his glass down. He wasn’t expecting anyone. If it was a solicitor, he would make them regret the moment they had entered his building. He did not take kindly to his sanctuary being breeched.

As he walked to the door, he straightened his clean-cut button up shirt. Regardless if it was a nobody or the Pope himself, Gabriel believed in always looking his best. He put on his best smile and swung the door open. When he saw who was in fact standing on his doorstep, his eyebrows shot up.

Aziraphale was standing in front of him, his hands folded primly in front of him. He was wearing that ridiculous waistcoat and bowtie that Gabriel had always tried to get him to throw out, and Gabriel nearly scoffed out loud. He had expected this. For Aziraphale to show up on his doorstep begging to get him back. It had taken far longer than he had expected, but it still made him smile with anticipation. He had no real interest in the soft little man, but it would be fun to string him along for a while.

“Ah, Aziraph-“

Normally, Gabriel was prepared for anything. He almost always kept his guard up. But Aziraphale was soft and doddering and gullible. And therefore, Gabriel found himself completely unprepared for when Aziraphale drew back his arm and punched him with all the strength he could muster. Now while Aziraphale might _look_ soft, he is actually incredibly strong, (something Crowley had found immense pleasure in).

Gabriel stumbled back, knocking over the terribly expensive vase beside his door that had been a gift from the head of his firm. His hand immediately flew to his jaw as his mind tried to make sense of what had happened. Before he could even right himself, thunderous cheers broke out behind Aziraphale, just down the hall. Gabriel stared wide eyed as no less than seven people laughed and applauded. They were an assorted bunch. Gabriel vaguely recognized the long-haired woman as that freak Aziraphale use to hang around. She was hooting and waving her fist around in the air. Her nerdy boyfriend was standing beside her and looking mildly shocked and impressed. That whore Crowley was beside her, clapping and looked far too smug. He recognized the small, dark haired woman as the dominatrix who had throw the New Years party he went to. She was smiling viciously. He didn’t recognize the other three, but they were loud and looked unsavory.

Gabriel turned his still shocked gaze back to Aziraphale, who had straightened out his waist coat and was looking at him his nose upturned.

“Right, hello Gabriel. If that did not make it abundantly clear, I would like for you to stay out of my life and never come near me or my friends again.”

Heat rushed into Gabriel’s face. This little worm thought he could just come to his home and disrespect him like this? Oh, now he was going to show him. He reached a hand for him, his face contorting in his fury.

“You stupid little-“

Before he could get a good hold on him, however, he was descended upon by several of the party behind him. Crowley dragged Aziraphale back as the tall blonde man with frighteningly dark eyes and the darker skinned man grabbed his shoulders and slammed him against the wall.

“Now let’s not try any of that mate,” the blond growled. “Wouldn’t want anyone to get hurt, would we?”

Gabriel thought that based on his smile, that is exactly what he wanted. He tried to straighten up the best he could while being pinned down, he wouldn’t show these people any fear.

“Get your hands off me now, or I will have so many lawsuits thrown on your ass your grandchildren will still be paying me.”

“Oh no,” said the short, dark haired woman. She stepped right up into his space and gave him that evil smile once more. “I don’t think you will be doing that.”

He sneered down at her. “And why would that be?”

She held up her phone to show a photo on it, and his eyes widened in shock. It was a picture of him, tied up, naked, and in a very compromising position with both a man and woman.

“What- no- how the hell did you get that?”

She tilted her head. “You really should tip your sex worker. Otherwise they get very cross and are bound to share all manners of things. So, you will leave Aziraphale and Crowley alone. If you ever even so much as set foot in Soho again, or if you try to retaliate, these pictures will be shared all over your Facebook. And it will inexplicably become the header for your company’s website.”

“You… you can’t do that!” His voice had lost its hard edge.

“Oh, I can and will,” said a woman behind the others, whose eyes were horribly pale.

“Yes, see, Dagon is a very proficient hacker. It would be no problem at all for her to spread these.”

“This is blackmail!”

The blond leaned in, his yellowing teeth showing as he smiled widely. “Mate, you don’t even want to know what I went to prison for. This is child’s play.”

Despite himself, he gulped. If those photos got out, he would never be able to show his face again. He would become the office joke.

“Yes, alright, fine! You won’t see me again.”

Aziraphale beamed at him. “Oh, lovely. Thank you, Gabriel. Well, this has been fun, but I think we ought to all go and enjoy lunch. My treat.”

Crowley pressed a kiss to his cheek and Gabriel sneered. “Of course, angel. Let’s go.”

Before the two men let go, however, the short woman stepped right up into his face. Though she was only about half his size, there was a dangerous glint to her eyes that left no doubt what she was capable of. She narrowed her eyes.

“And if you are ever feeling bold and start using that empty head of yours to get thoughts like ‘Oh, I’ll call their bluff. I’ll tempt fate.’, understand that my lot don’t send rude notes. You won’t like what happens after. Got it?”

He nodded slowly. She lifted a hand and patted him condescendingly on the face.

“There’s a good boy.” She jerked her head at the two men. “Let’s go.”

They released him roughly, shoving him back against the wall and sneering as they moved away from him. Gabriel watched them go, and once they were gone, straightened out his shirt. He rubbed his jaw, which was already aching and would likely leave a large bruise. Well, if anyone asked, he had fallen in the shower.

* * *

“Ha!” Crowley cried as soon as there were out on the curb. “Did you see his stupid face? He couldn’t believe you hit him!”

Aziraphale smiled smugly and tilted up his chin. “He never was very good at situationally awareness.”

“Oh, but you were bloody brilliant angel! You got him so good!”

“Yeah,” Anathema laughed, “He definitely didn’t see it coming. Wish I could have caught it on video. It would have been the primary entertainment at all parties for years to come.”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes, but he was having a difficult time keeping the smile from his face. “While I’m sure that’s true my dear, I don’t think documenting proof would be a good idea.”

“Yeah, I know,” Anathema grumbled.

“Don’t worry,” Bee said, looping her arm with Anathema’s, “If you want some entertainment, my friend also sent me a video of him licking wine off the floor and asking to be called “Gabey-Bear”.”

Anathema threw her head back and laughed. “You really know they way to a girl’s heart.”

Bee winked. “I know the way to a girl’s something, alright.”

Aziraphale shook his head. “You two are positively monstrous.”

“No more than he is,” Bee said with a shrug.

“And Hastur,” Aziraphale said, turning to the blond. “I didn’t know you’d been to prison.”

Hastur smiled widely while Bee just shook her head. “Well, I may have stretched that a bit. I got tossed into jail once for a night for public intoxication and indecency for making out with Ligur on a park bench.”

Aziraphale threw his head back and laughed. “Positively terrifying, dear boy.”

“Yeah, well, that git didn’t need to know.”

Aziraphale sighed in contentment as Crowley took his hand in his. They smiled at each other for a long moment before Crowley began to pull him down the street.

“Alright, let’s go you lot. We got our entertainment, now it’s time for a meal on slugger here.”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “You’re insufferable.”

“I am,” Crowley agreed.

The whole party made their way down the street, laughing and stumbling along like a wild group of feral cats. Aziraphale looked around and found that he had never been more content than he was right in that exact moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I normally ship the Ineffable Bureaucracy, but in this Bee is the best and Gabriel is shit. So only in his wildest dreams.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are folks, the end of this line. For a pairing with the chapter I recommend Dreams by The Cranberries, because it fits these boys well and makes the whole thing feel like a romcom, which I love.

**Two Years Later **

Crowley leaned over and dug his hands into the soil, the late day sun beating down on his bare shoulder. Aziraphale had insisted he wear a shirt while he worked outdoors, but Crowley had gotten tired of dirtying all his shirts constantly. Besides, Crowley knew Aziraphale loved when his skin was tanned and freckled after long days in the sun. Even though he said he should put his safety first, he didn’t miss the way his eyes would linger on his bare back.

They had only moved into their cottage here in the South Downs a month ago, but they had already managed to have sex on every available surface, including out here in the garden. Crowley smiled, his eyes flashing up to the grove of wildflowers near the back gate where Crowley had laid Aziraphale out and ridden him into oblivion. Aziraphale had managed to coax out the fact that that had been one of his greatest fantasies for a long time. He had really looked like an angel there, surrounded by so many colors and so much life. If Crowley weren’t careful, that would become an obsession of his.

He leaned back and looked up, enjoying the warm, sunny day. His iPhone was connected to the speaker beside him and he hummed along to the song currently playing.

_I know I’ve felt like this before_

_But now I’m feeling it even more_

_Because it came from you_

_Then I open up and see _

_The person falling here is me_

_A different way to be_

“Oh, I do like this song.”

Crowley turned and saw Aziraphale making his way towards him from the house. He had pushed up his sleeves and he wasn’t wearing all of his normal layers, the heat forcing him to shed some. Even now, years later, Crowley found him completely irresistible. He had thought that with time he would grow a resistance to him, that his desire would fade somewhat. If anything, the exact opposite had happened. He already knew that he would want to be with him for the rest of his life.

_Totally amazing mind_

_So understanding and so kind_

_You’re everything to me_

_Oh, my life_

_Is changing every day_

_In every possible way_

_And oh, my dreams_

_It’s never quite as it seems_

_Cause you’re a dream to me_

_Dream to me_

“Her voice is quite lovely. What did you say they were called? The Raspberries?”

Crowley groaned and rolled his head. “The Cranberries, Aziraphale. The Cranberries! This song came out in 1993! You were thirteen, you should know this.”

Aziraphale sniffed primly. “Even when I was a teenager, I preferred the classics to modern pop.”

“So you’ve said. Come here, you dinosaur.”

Aziraphale opened his mouth in offense, but Crowley grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled him down for a kiss before he could argue that he wasn’t that much older than him. Aziraphale pulled back and glared.

“You can’t just kiss me every time you want to avoid an argument.”

“Of course, I can,” Crowley said with a smirk as he stood up and stretched. He watched Aziraphale’s eyes trail down his bare chest and smiled wider. “And if that doesn’t work, I can always take more drastic measures.”

Aziraphale huffed and rolled his eyes. “I told you, the next time we do that out here, we’re laying down a towel first. I was covered in dirt and grass the last time.”

Crowley winked. “That was the point, wasn’t it? Wanted to get you all dirty.”

Before Crowley could pull him in again, Aziraphale raised a cup of coffee between them. “Just drink your coffee my dear.”

“Maybe I don’t want coffee, hm? Maybe I’ve given up caffeine to live a healthier life.”

Aziraphale raised an eyebrow as Crowley downed half the cup in one go. “You are positively insufferable.”

“Hey, you agreed to move in with me all the way out here. Now you’re stuck with me.”

Aziraphale’s face softened. “Yes, I rather think I am, aren’t I?”

A blush crept up Crowley’s neck. “Don’t get all soft on me.”

“Oh, I think it’s a bit late for that, don’t you?”

Crowley grumbled under his breath.

“What was that, dear?”

“I said yeah yeah. Don’t embarrass me in front of the neighbors.”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “I know that you’re well aware our neighbors are far enough away that nobody will embarrass anybody. Besides, you’ve already made a horrible first impression on them.”

“What?” Crowley cried. “Doris loves me!”

“I was talking about Michael.”

Crowley scoffed. “Michael’s a wanker. Not my fault that she complained to the town board within our first week here about my driving. I had to teach her a lesson.”

“You ran over her mailbox dear.”

“Yeah, well, she’ll think twice about crossing me next time, won’t she?”

Aziraphale smiled fondly. “You’re getting quite cross in your old age.”

“Wh- my- what? Old age! I’m thirty-six! I’m one of the youngest people in this damn village. All of you senior citizens are cramping my style. I’ll go as fast as I bloody well please down these empty country roads, and if _Michael _has a problem, she can say it to my face! Stupid, prissy, stuck up…”

Aziraphale laughed, and then as they settled into silence, frowned a little bit. “Do you miss London my dear? I know you said you were fine with moving out here as your permanent residence, but if you’ve changed your mind-“

“Stop that, angel,” Crowley said, pulling him close. “You know how I like to complain. I’m very happy here. I’ve got so much more to work with out here than in my flat, it’s much quieter, the market is just down the road, so I don’t have a long commute. And besides,” Crowley wrapped his arms around his waist, “I’ve got you here with me all the time. I get to wake up and see you every single morning.”

Aziraphale’s eyes crinkled in the corners. “Well, I’m glad I could make you so happy.”

Crowley nuzzled into his neck. “You do.” Then he pulled back and frowned.

“Do you miss it? Your bookshop and your flat?”

Aziraphale waved a hand. “Not at all, dear. I still have the shop, and I’ve transferred enough books over here to keep me entertained.”

Crowley stepped away from him and pulled the hair tie out of his hair, letting his curls fall past his shoulders. “Yeah, well, it did take us three months to find the perfect place with a big enough library.”

Aziraphale sniffed. “Yes, well, I have standards.”

“Don’t I know it.”

Aziraphale settled himself in the lawn chair beside Crowley as he went back to tending his garden.

“Have we confirmed yet with Anathema for her garden party on Saturday?”

“Ugh,” Crowley grimaced. “Do we have to go?”

“Yes, we do. It’s for Bee’s birthday! She would be furious if you didn’t show up.”

Crowley rolled his eyes. “She would be fine. She’s going to end up drunk and passed out in the quarry by the end of it, anyways.”

“And you’ll be passed out right beside her.”

“God,” Crowley groaned, “I prefer when she hated you. Now you’ve ganged up to be my personal babysitters.”

After he and Aziraphale had initially gotten back together, there had been several shouting matches between him and Bee. She had insisted that she knew what was best for him and even threatened to lock him up to keep him away from Aziraphale. Luckily, Anathema had stepped in and soothed her mind. Bee really had found a match in that witch and even in Newt. They were an incredibly unlikely trio, and yet somehow it worked perfectly. Bee had come around eventually and had declared Aziraphale was on probation. That had ended a long time ago, and now the two acted as a tag team to make sure Crowley was taking care of himself. It was insufferably endearing.

“You did not prefer that,” Aziraphale admonished, taking a sip from his tea. “Is it bad to have so many people who care for you?”

Crowley remained with his back to Aziraphale but smiled to himself. No, it wasn’t bad at all.

They sat out in the garden for several hours more, until the sun began to get low and the bugs began to swarm. Crowley would have stayed and waged war on the pests, but Aziraphale took him firmly by the hand and dragged him into the house.

“I could handle them, angel.”

“A few, yes, but soon there would be hundreds. I don’t want to be stuck applying cream all over your body when you’re covered in bites.”

Crowley grinned cheekily. “You don’t?”

Aziraphale stopped and considered. “Hmm, I suppose that wouldn’t be so bad. Well fine, go back out there you mad man.”

“Nah,” Crowley said with a shrug. “I’ll give them today. But tomorrow, those suckers won’t know what hit them.”

“And what will hit them, dear?”

“Uh, you know, a bug swatter.”

Aziraphale chuckled as he got out leftovers and began to heat them on the stove top. Crowley sat at the kitchen table and watched him. Here, in the warm light of their kitchen, with the fading sun still coming through the window, he felt completely happy and content. He had been waiting for a right moment to do this, for some big grand gesture or fireworks, but he found that now was as good a time as any.

So, when Aziraphale turned around to say something and found Crowley down on one knee in the middle of the kitchen, a small ring box in his hand, he completely froze. His eyes moved from Crowley, to the box, and then back to Crowley. For Crowley’s part, he did his best to look calm, but on the inside, he was having a bit of a panic.

“Angel, I love you. I’ll always love you. You’re everything to me, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to make you flustered and I want to see that little pout you get when you don’t get your way. I want to see you be a complete bastard to people when they make you angry and I want you to look at me like I hung the moon every day. I want to make you cocoa and breakfast in bed. I want to take care of you for the rest of our lives. So, will you marry me, angel?”

He waited for a long moment, holding his breath. And then, to Crowley’s astonishment, Aziraphale burst into laughter. Crowley furrowed his eyebrows. Well, _that _was not the reaction he had been hoping for.

Aziraphale turned around and opened the cookie jar that was on the counter. Crowley wanted to say that he didn’t think now was the time for an impromptu snack, but then Aziraphale turned around and held out a box that looked very similar to Crowley’s. Crowley’s jaw fell open and his eyes widened as Aziraphale got onto his knees in front of him.

“Well, I was going to wait, but what’s the point now? Crowley, you’re the most incredible man I have ever met. You’re so brave and kind and funny. I want to wake up every morning knowing I get to see your face. I want to listen to you as you reprimand your plants and watch you as you drive the Bentley like a man out of hell. I want to take care of you when you’re sick and make sure you eat enough, even if you complain about it. I want to calm you when you’re grouchy. I want to go to every garden show you drag me along to, even if I don’t understand the difference between different strands of plants. I don’t even mind the bit of embarrassment I feel when you openly mock our neighbors to their faces. Because it’s you, and you’re beautiful. So, Anthony J. Crowley, will _you _marry _me?”_

Crowley stared at the ring nestled in the little box. It was gold, with two little angel wings fanned out atop it, and a tiny peal in the middle. He looked back at the ring he had chosen. It was black and gold, with intricate little markings along it that could be considered random, that is until you looked closer and saw the snake head and realized they were scales. When he looked back up at Aziraphale, he was watching him expectantly, a patient smile on his face.

And then they were laughing. Crowley fell forward into Aziraphale’s arms and they lost balance, falling back onto the polished wood floors that Aziraphale has painstaking chosen to match his desired aesthetic. They laid there together, laughing and holding each other for several minutes. When Crowley finally stopped, he leaned back and stared down at his angel. The sun had completely set by now, and it was only the overhead lighting that illuminate the kitchen.

“I take that to be a yes, my dear?”

Crowley rolled his eyes. “Of course, it’s a yes, you dunce. I asked you first, didn’t I?”

Aziraphale smiled fondly. “Yes, I suppose you did.”

They ended up eating their left-over Indian food right there on the floor, like some sort of alternative picnic. The floor was hard and hurt Crowley’s back side and the food was too spicy for his liking. He had never been happier.

“Should we get married in a church, do you think?”

Crowley grimaced. “Angel, I think I would spontaneously combust if I were to walk into a church.”

“Oh, I don’t think you’re so far damned for that.”

“Nah, churches are too serious for me.”

Aziraphale nodded, conceding his point. “Hmm, where else?”

Crowley tilted his head. “Well, there’s always a garden.”

Aziraphale smiled widely, his eyes sparkling in the dim lights. “A garden. Yes, I think a garden sounds perfect my love.”

That night they laid together in their shared bed, in their shared bedroom, in their shared home. Foregoing the norm, Aziraphale had fallen asleep first and was now snuggled up against Crowley’s chest. He carded his fingers gently through his angel soft hair, just watching the rise and fall of his shoulders and the flutter of his eyelashes. They had gone through so much over these past years, and yet here they were. Happy, in love, together. Crowley couldn’t ask for anything more. And even though he had no idea what the future held for them; he knew they would be alright. It was ineffable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I made Ineffable the last word of this fic! Anyways, thank you all so much for following along and supporting this fic the whole way. You guys have been great! I'll be posting a new AU fic soon, so keep and eye out for it. I hope you all enjoyed the end to this tale, our boys are going to be happy now.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!


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